It’s taken a year but we’ve started trying to visit places again. We started going on a couple of hill walks. Very quiet and avoiding crowds. It might sound bitter but I didn’t want to see happy families – it would just remind us of what we have lost. I know my son struggled for months when he saw other children being with their mums.
But time moves on and I’ve got to try and give our son the happiest childhood he can possibly have. So as soon as he became more comfortable with seeing ‘happy families’, it was time to try and make new good memories. He has started to enjoy visiting places again, where as I still spend too much time seeing reminders of the past. But on each new visit I do try to spend more time living in the present. Trying to keep the retrospective to when I’m alone, not when I’m with my son. My son is now good at telling me when he wants to talk about his mum.
We ventured to Doncaster Wildlife Park. It’s one of our favourite places, such a good family day out. As we were walking towards the Polar Bear zone we stopped dead in our tracks. In the middle of the path was a snake – a Grass Snake I think. It was happily consuming a poor frog. That’s the first wild snake I have ever seen in Britain. All the years spent walking through the countryside and you end up seeing your first wild snake in a zoo. We watched it for 10 minutes before it slid off into a grassy bank.
It’s a memory, a new memory, a good memory.