Another meeting with school and again more promises from them. I hope this time things start to move forward. But I do worry that they don’t have a plan, maybe they don’t really get the implications of an Aspergers and Dyslexia diagnosis. Again my heart goes out to our son. When the teacher said that he had made quite a few new friends, our son replied:

“If you include the kids who are forced to sit next to me in the classes, then yes I have made friends. If you include kids who want to talk to me then the answer is no”

I really don’t know what else I can say to him. I can’t think of any further advice I can offer him at the moment. All I can do is try to take his mind off things for a while. One sure fire ‘take your mind off bad stuff’ area is OUR PETS. He particularly loved this new pet incident.

Clearly the pet crime situation is worse than first feared. The pets are the one thing guaranteed to bring a smile back to our son’s face. Maybe my primary job is to just make him happy. Following on from the recent pants incident there is evidence of pet collusion. After unloading a clothes wash I dropped a sock. Within a nanosecond the pup had grabbed it and was belting round the house. By the time I had caught up with him, no sock could be found. I searched everywhere but absolutely no sign. Then I saw the girl cat slowly walking into the garden carrying the sock. She calmly dropped the sock onto one of our molehills, before strolling back in.

So clearly the girl cat and puppy are in collusion. But is the mole part of this crime gang or was this just a poor attempt to frame him. My son thinks it’s a framing job. But more importantly is made our son smile again.

73 thoughts on “Things get far worse

      1. I notice our cats always want to lay on paper in our home office. I don’t get it, but they will actually kind of pull out a piece of paper from the printer pile to lay on top of rather than just laying on the carpet.

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  1. My heart goes out to your son too, when you wrote what he said to you about friends, that’s so sad and if I were in your position I wouldn’t really know what other advice to give either. I think making him happy however you can is a wonderful approach. And of course the pet incidents seem like a good way to raise a smile, even though they’re unintentional! I’d agree with your son, definitely seems like a framing job 😉

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  2. I have a friend just outside of Toronto that has Asperger’s and he is well into his 60s. He was lucky to have a Dad like you.

    I sent him a link to your site. If you hear from a ‘Herbert’, that’s him. Brilliant gentleman…

    Keep us posted on the plotting animals.

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  3. For your son to know that you love him and want to spend time with him would obviously mean a lot to him and help buffer the blow of peer rejection . But I know that heart ache you must be feeling, it’s so difficult to see our kids feel rejected.
    You are doing an amazing job.

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    1. I agree, I have a son with autism and speech delay at 8 years old. My many fears for him in school is this right here. The school kids pick up on things that are of insignificance when we’re looking for true friends.

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      1. Thank you, that so right. My son has started to pick up on this now. It was easier when he was younger as he didn’t appreciate any details about his behaviour. Now, he is so worried about any differences being identified by other pupils that he goes into his shell and avoids doing anything that might reveal differences. And because of this teachers think he is fine and just shy. Not sure what the answer is.

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      2. I get it, I’m there with my son now. He knows he has autism and we’ve tried explaining what that is. But they’re kids! And this is they’re life, this is them! How do you tell them, all that they know, society views as unacceptable. I don’t think our sons are the problem, I think society is! The views have to change, and we need to accept everyone. Even if it takes one child at a time, we can make that difference through our boys.
        My son is the same way. He retracts and he doesn’t speak. But this year, was the first year he requested to join a Building Bricks Club at his school. They work with Legos to build things and they meet once a week. It’s costing me but if I don’t find a way to make this happen and support him, when will I?
        I’d say, check with the school to see if there’s any club he can join. Make a list and then present it to him, he may show interest in one. 😊 That’d be a great way for him to meet new school peers.

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      3. No lego club. But when he was struggling a few years back his last school did some lego team building sessions. It did work. But his current school tends to stick to the national curriculum and doesn’t really waver too far. They do run some in school clubs. But they aren’t that inclusive. They seem to hope something like badminton or basketball will help. He tries but is worst in his class, so it’s hitting his confidence. I have moaned about this and hopefully they might offer a better range of club activities in the future. I just wish the school had the time or resources to give each child an opportunity to shine in an area they are comfortable with. Thank you so much.

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      4. Yes. There’s also art club. My son isn’t really into sports. He walked really late – not that it has anything to do with sports, and well, he isn’t into sports. At all. He’s into drawing and building. He’s excelling in his art class.

        Try going online to the schools website or better yet, call the school and make an appointment to see the school counselor to know what her thoughts are on the topic. Maybe she can recommend something for him, to help him socially and emotionally in the school setting.
        My son is currently in an inclusion classroom. He has an IEP in the school he’s enrolled in now. Unfortunately due to budgeting a lot of these school programs are being shut down. But he used to get OT and Speech Therapy in school and now this year, just had Speech. But, every year I make sure the new teachers know all of my sons areas of concern, all his diagnosis – everything! I also get their emails to make sure I can communicate with them at all times, from day one. It’s definitely now easy but I try. We must try, that’s all we can do.

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      5. I’m glad your son is doing well in arts. Like you many of the services are being shutdown. Speech Therapy closed just as they started to make progress with his pronunciation. OT is still going but it’s scaled back to a a few sessions a year. No Dyslexia service. I think the other problem is that because he’s not the lowest scoring child in the class, he’s seen as being ok. As one doctor said the problem is that he’s too well behaved. The school would be more proactive if there was some disruptive behaviour. Like you it’s about making sure you don’t go away quietly. It’s that sole destroying job of being the “pushy parent unfortunately. We owe it to not only our kids but other kids in a similar position.

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      6. Oh wow! This is just so sad! It really is. The services my son gets in school are so helpful because he used to receive services outside school. And this is just so much easier as far as time and all.
        Is there any way to see if he can receive the services outside the school, I mean I’m sure you’ve already looked into that.
        I’m the pushy parent 🙋🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ I mean we have no choice. When it comes to our kids not being treated with the rights their entitled to according to their medical diagnosis, then there’s a problem. Keep pushing and keep advocating for your son! Don’t give up, I know it’s draining, it really is. But our time to quit isn’t now, or ever. As long as I’m breathing, I will see that my son isn’t treated any differently by our school system.

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      7. Thank you. I can tell the energy you have to keep pushing for your son. It helps reinforce me for the battles ahead. All our services are being cut. Our health service is really good but because of national rules they are not allowed to get involved with anything considered as educational related. And our education service has become so rigid and inflexible that kids with autism and dyslexia often are missed. You can go private but the education service is under no obligation to follow the results. As a result many kids don’t get diagnosed and many kids have to fight to get the help they need with approved diagnosis’s.

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      8. Ugh! Yes. I was trying to get him diagnosed with the school – for free, and the school said they weren’t able to. I believe because of budgeting because his doctor said to go down that route instead. But I had to pay because the school wasn’t able to. It’s often feels like we’re stuck in a hamster wheel, we’re trying to get one thing done but we’re always given the run around. It’s so sad! The whole system is bad! Yes, we were in the private school and there is absolutely no extra help there – none! So we had to go to the public school system. And like I said, we were blessed to find this school we’re at now because so many of the programs are being removed. But even then, it’s like pulling teeth. And they see my son and they’re in disbelief there is anything wrong!
        You’re right, it’s a fight. It’s a constant, constant fight. Courage! We can continue to do this!

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      9. We have to keep telling each other that we can do this. We were lucky after 4 years of pushing we got an official Aspergers diagnosis. However it’s another fight to then get the appropriate help. It’s been another 4 years and we are still no further on with dyslexia. The local doctors have said that he is definitely dyslexic but are not allowed to do this. The education team won’t do this due to cuts. The education service won’t implement any private dyslexia work again due to cuts. The hamster wheel is such a good way of looking at it. I say it’s like trying to walk through treacle.

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      10. Wow! I think once you’ve gone through something – even though you think it’s been tough, I see your journey and think, I haven’t had it so bad. Yes, it’s been endless school meetings, emails, phone calls, doctors appointments, etc. But your journey has been far tougher than mine. Thank you for sharing! And like us, there are endless parents experiencing the same for their children. Unfortunate but true.
        Haha, I think treacle is far worse than the hamster wheel! 😳😂

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      11. No having had to fix the wheel of our son’s first ever pet. They should have played the Jaws music every time you put your hand in the hamsters cage. Most savage creature I’ve ever come across. Take treacle any day. Every bodies journey is much too difficult than it should be.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. My husband’s nephew has Aspergers, he is 25 now, his mother fought for him to stay in main stream school, he didn’t want to, but as he got older it got better. Its very hard work, but he went to Uni…..they are so clever, he writes music, all in his head, but it took a long time. Does you son like music, just an idea, but it would seem he gets enjoyment from your pet family, which can only be good 🙂

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  5. My heart goes out to both you and your son … but I can tell that you love him enough to find a way through this, to find a way for him to learn and also be happy. It requires mounds of patience. The furry family members are obviously doing their part to help make him happy!!! Two thumbs up to them all … special treats for them tonight! 😉

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  6. Hi there. I am the mother of a child with autism and I do a lot of voluntary work to help parents of children with ASD get the help they need as I used to be a senior manager in schools. I’d be very happy to try and help you if I can. D you live in the UK? You can contact me on twitter or on my blog. You followed me yesterday. I am so grateful for that. Thank you.

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      1. I live in South Yorkshire. My email is ejaleigh@yahoo.co.uk I have helped a lot of parents to get their children the support that they need. My son has Asperger’s and he attends a specialist school. He is 18 and about to leave. I have been through the whole EHC process so I know a lot about it.

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  7. I am glad your child has such a good parent. I grew up undiagnosed, lost my father at the age of 12, and endured some extreme abuse from my mother and other family members. It is amazing that I turned out even half as decent as I did lol.

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    1. Even more tragically, my nephew who is autistic (Aspergers) had his mother die at the age of 12, and his father died when he was 13. He is doing well now all things considered though. Just started his first year of college.

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  8. I’m so sorry about the school situation. I think, over and over, that people trying to ‘help’ my son need to simply spend a week -no- two DAYS with him.

    We were at the school one time after hours to help decorate his teacher’s door when he had a meltdown. A passing administrator (supposedly knowing of his issues) popped in with a worried look and said, “Oh. Is he okay?” *facepalm*

    And, besides making him happy you need to do research on his specific challenges and learn what will be best for him in school. Sorry, but I’ve finally realized this with mine. The administrators and teachers simply don’t know, or maybe don’t have enough time, or basically cannot care as much as you do for your son.

    Good luck. And, your pets are hilarious!

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    1. I’ve come to the same conclusion with his current teachers. I’ve asked the school if I can have 30 minutes with his teachers to tell them what I currently know. Not sure they are too keen.

      I must admit we’ve only just started this journey and we have only just scratched the surface. Hopefully as we move on, the list of does/don’t will fill out.

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  9. This was such a sweet post. I have a son with autism, among other diagnosis. I can relate. The school issue is so complex. There are many things that kids grow up seeing from their parents at home, one of many, is judging that of people that are not quite the same. There no such thing as a ‘normal’ person, absolutely not. But I must say, it starts from the home. If we don’t teach, compassion and caring, then where do we expect our children to learn that?! From whom?!

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    1. Again so true, thanks. Hopefully our son has been brought up to respect others. Unfortunately not all people have been brought up that way. They see anyone like themselves as normal and others ….. what chance have kids got when they see and hear parents/adults talking inappropriately.

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      1. Yes, I think my son, like yours, and I can tell by your sons response that he’s being brought up in a loving home, a respectful home. However, yes, others children unfortunately are not. And the wrath is being felt by children like your son and mine. The best thing you can do, you’re already doing, love them, support them and continue to talk about the issue. It’s important they know they’re not alone.

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      2. What?! No! I’d speak to the teachers and/or school counselor, assistant principal. That is unacceptable. When my daughter couldn’t find a ‘twin’ for a school day called ‘twin day’ where you pair up with another student to dress alike. I called the teacher and set up a meeting. My daughter was new in the school and had no friends. I spoke to them about how it’s not even just my daughter, but for every other child that has no friends! You can not invent a day, where it’ll only cause them to be sad, because they have no ‘twin’ for that school day!
        Well, you know what, the school removed ‘twin day.’ We have to speak up and as minuscule as some people may think certain issues are, it’s not for our kids. So, since it’s not for our kids, it’s not for us. And I’m the voice for my children. So, the school knows my name and last name. Because I will set up a meeting.

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      3. Thanks.Big problem is our local council has cut the special education budget. Reduced funding for things like Aspergers and nothing at all for dyslexia. School following the council lead. I have now got the health service on our side. Trying to sort out a meeting between school, council and the health practitioners. One positive is that the local health service are coming into do a session on the next school teacher training day. They plan to use the session to present information on the health aspects of a number of conditions including autism. Have you found anything that worked for your daughter.

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  10. My son also has ASD and ADHD, I think you should’ve made the title “Found a way to get better” 🙂 I can imagine how important it is for us parents to see our child make friends, see our child enjoy them and them enjoy being with our child. Good to know people were trying to help, and yes, we wanted it genuine and right for our kid. I would say, you made his and your day far special by putting both your focus to this beautiful creatures.

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  11. I’m a teacher for my day-job. I don’t know the whole situation for your son, but I feel the pain. I can say with my kiddos who have a few more hurdles to jump though on a daily basis, I work with them to see what they see as limitations or struggles as their superpowers. I bring up the mutants from X-Men and remind my students they also thought themselves different. They were misunderstood when they were younger. Their paths were harder to get through. They had to work harder than the typical human who hadn’t walked a mile in their shoes, but in the end – they are amazing and strong. I know none of this helps in the real world life of a young boy, but it’s important to me that my students (or any student) realizes he or she has superpowers and are uniquely made just right. I’m babbling on, I know. I hope the fact I mean well is coming across. My thoughts are with you.

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    1. Most teachers he has had have stuck strictly to the national curriculum and standard teaching methods. These are often just not suited to some children. He has had one teacher (a trainee one) for a few months who was so enlightened like yourself. He made so much progress in that short time and his self esteem shot up. Hearing this from you gives me renewed hope that he will come across that teacher who “gets it” and gives him the opportunity to fly. Thank you so much.

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      1. Thanks! But I hate that the good ones are the minority. There’s so much research out there. It saddens me you have to go through everything. I would communicate heavily with the teachers, which I’m sure you are doing. My prayers are doubled for you! Love your posts!

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