One of the most frustrating thing about autism is that nothing seems to be certain. You can say the same about Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and ADHD. The stock reply to questions seems to be “probably”. It feels a bit like that old beer advert “Carlsberg, probably the best lager in the world ”

  • Is Autism hereditary – probably
  • Are environmental impacts associated with Autism – probably
  • Are Autism and Dyspraxia linked – probably
  • Will the behavioural aspects of Aspergers become more pronounced as he gets older – probably
  • Is his Dyslexia linked to his Aspergers – probably
  • Is ADHD linked to Aspergers – probably
  • Will a coach or therapist help with Autism – probably
  • Is a main stream education the best option – probably
  • Could going to a special school help – probably
  • Would home education be more suited – probably
  • Will the loss of his mum have a long term impact on his Aspergers – probably
  • Will he get any specialist bereavement counselling – probably
  • Would educational psychologist be able to provide a tailored educational programme for our son – probably
  • Will an educational psychologist assess our son – probably
  • Could medication help – probably
  • Could medication make it worse – probably
  • Is Aspergers and Sleep Disorders linked – probably
  • Could the use of a reading Scanning pen help with his Dyslexia – probably
  • Could Occupational Therapy help with Dyslexia – probably
  • Could Speech Therapy help with Dyslexia – probably
  • Could the use of a reading scanning pen hinder any potential reading improvements – probably
  • Will the use of coloured lenses help with Dyslexia – probably
  • Have we now ruled out that coloured lenses will not help – probably
  • Will my son get any additional help during his secondary school life – probably
  • Are we trying every available route to try and unlock his full potential- probably

Probably, probably, probably….

Apart from the definite diagnosis everything else seems to have been on a probably basis. That’s frustrating for a parent as all you want to do is try and find the best course of action for your child. It’s more frustrating for the child as he or she tries to come to terms with life and the future.

But one thing is not probably, it’s not maybe, it’s definitely. When your child has had a bad day at school. When the parent is crying inside with the frustration of not being able to take your child’s sadness and anxiety away. When you need a lift.

The pets never let you down. They are our Ghostbusters our Captain America. Guaranteed to save the day and lift the spirits. They don’t need a proton pack or a shield. Just a few cushions will do the job. What a hero. Son and Dad happy again – probably for the rest of the day.

68 thoughts on “Probably”

      1. And also, I know how hard what you’re going through when they have meltdown. Sometimes even if you know what triggers them, it’s so hard to prevent when they start.

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  5. Ah, that is so true. Your dog is such a cutie too. I’m sure you are a fantastic parent, not only being a great dad to your boy, but coping with his special needs and the bereavement of both of you. And autism is so complex, with no two kids being the same. I wish you all the best and I wish you peace over your son’s future. It’s so hard not to worry. You are doing a great job! He may not show his appreciation now, but he will be so glad you were there for him during these yucky times.

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  10. I know you know that some very famous people who accomplished great things in this world were on the spectrum. It can’t help much in the present to know there may be greater rewards for the frustrations of the day, but is there a chance they might? Probably. Strength to you both and I agree, thank God for pets.

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  11. You just do the best you can do. I was told my middle daughter would never function socially, or in a school setting. It was suggested I either home school or find a private setting. I chose to keep her public school and she and I worked every day at overcoming her challenges. She turns 33 tomorrow, is a wonderful mother to her two daughters, and has a job at the local university helping students adjust. You know your child better than any ‘expert’ ever can. Work together. Thank God for pets.

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  12. Oh my gosh, yes – your list of probably’s are on point. One has no idea what is going to help and to what extent. It is so frustrating. But pets do have such a healing power. I agree – they never let you down!

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      1. Oh you’re not alone! You are not alone! We’re all experiencing and going through the same thing. They make things so difficult, when in reality all we want is to help our children the best way that we can. I’m no expert, I try to look things up, I’ve even thought about homeschooling the children – but I’m not prepared for that! So, unfortunately I’m still left to deal with the school system, that too often disregard my sons diagnosis. Don’t give up, you’re not alone, we are not alone!

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      3. Indeed! It’s hard to believe at times that there could possibly be someone else out there experiencing the same thing as you. But there is, unfortunately or not, there is. And the situation is what it is, we can’t change it, but we can change how people or schools want to treat our children.

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  15. Oh, so incredible! I appreciate what you’re saying and so hear your frustration. I’m really happy that you have your dog – for the both of you.

    I also really acknowledge you for your wisdom, and for your caring for your son. It sounds to me like you’re really trying to do your best by him. ❤

    Sending you blessings and if I can every help, feel free to reach out to me.
    Debbie

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  16. My oldest has autism. How I wish people could understand how hard it us for both parent and child. I was told at times that all kids have special needs. What an invalidating comment. Really? Are you sitting in IEP, therapy, and doctor meetings on a daily basis? No? Then stfu. Sorry just so maddening. And life with a dog is always better. I love mine. Shes a better support than most humans I know.

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    1. Thank you for reading this. I know what you mean about dogs. Looking back I wasn’t prepared to be a parent never mind a Aspergers parent. It felt like daily phone calls to try and just get someone to have a look at our son. Took over 4 or 5 years to just get a diagnosis. Shouldn’t ask kids to wait that long and shouldn’t ask parents to go through that process. Just feels like you are fighting the system. People don’t see that. People don’t see the impact it can have.

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      1. Wow that’s nuts. Are you in the UK? I’m in Minnesota and we got a diagnosis but it took about 8 months to get in. The school diagnosed educationally so they used that to move things along. Now aspergers isn’t even a diagnosis anymore. They just use autism. We had to update the diagnosis for her to get county services. Seems stupid since you can’t get rid of autism.

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      2. Yes U.K. When we got the Aspergers diagnosis, the Paediatrician said he didn’t agree with the reclassification, so he used Aspergers rather than Autism. Suspect we were one of the last ones to get a purely Aspergers diagnosis. Not that it matters really. I suspect we may need to go through the process again but I won’t be reminding them to do it.

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  17. BTW, it does get better! My daughter graduated and is doing a transition program through our school district and got her first job. I never thought she’d even get a job. She can’t drive and struggles to ask for things. Not sure if your child is mom verbal or not, but there is help out there. It’s just a huge pain to know where to look.

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      1. My daughter isn’t super social but she talks. Her reading level though is at 6th or 7th grade. She’s not ever gonna be super successful but I’m OK with that. I’m glad she can work and do some things.

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      2. When we had tests done his verbal age was scored at 21 years (highest they could go) but his reading age was about 4 years below the expected level. Schools seem to assess on reading age and ignore the verbal score. Which is really frustrating. I just want the kids in this position to be happy and be given an opportunity to progress. Not to be written off. Your daughter demonstrates hope. Thank you for reading this.

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  19. I love your ‘probably’ scenarios, because it’s so true.
    My son’s neurologist always says to us (and i’ve heard it so many other times before), “if you’ve met a kid with autism, you’ve met a kid with autism.” They’re never the same, and what is so for one child may not be so for the next.
    So many uncertainties and figuring out what’s connected and what’s not. It probably all is!

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  20. Shortly after I ran across the following information, my son, who is now in his late 20s, was re-evaluated. Instead of ADHD, he came out ADHD in a few areas, Autistic in a few areas, & “normal” high functioning in the middle. He is now going for more evaluation, since it will likely provide him with more funding & support (Ontario, Canada) as he pursues his educational & career goals .

    >Common brain changes found in children with autism, ADHD and OCD<
    https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/07/160727110911.htm

    from the article:

    Autism, ADHD and OCD have common symptoms and are linked by some of the same genes. Yet historically they have been studied as separate disorders. Together, these three neurodevelopmental disorders affect roughly 15 per cent of children and youth.

    By providing biological evidence that brain structure relates to a spectrum of behavioural symptoms that cut across different developmental conditions, it highlights the shared biology among such conditions. And it points to the potential that treatments targeting a spectrum of behaviours may be relevant for all three conditions.

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    1. Yes that’s really interesting. It confirms what his Consultant said. He said the 3 are linked. He described them as three interlocking circles. Then do have individual elements to the conditions but have much which interlinked and common. He also said that in some kids you can add a fourth dyslexia circle which sometimes does intersect the others.

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  22. Not gonna lie. Your son will have a difficult time, especially in the teen years which are hard enough as it even – when you aren’t on the spectrum. But if he can push through this time and get into adulthood, it gets easier. You mature and learn to deal with all situations life throws at you, but it takes experience and practice to learn that skill – especially for us, Aspies. Just be there for him, make sure he always has a safe space with you whenever he needs to hide from the world, no matter how old he is – and everything will work out 🙂

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