I often feel out of my depth as a parent. Somedays I feel really out of my depth. Today was such a day.

Dad I struggle to believe in God somedays. Does this make me a band person. I don’t want to go to hell”

I tried to find the words. I told him how pure and good he was. I bumbled on about it being normal to have these thoughts. How it didn’t matter what I think or what anybody else thinks – it’s his choice. About how it’s up to everyone to make their own mind up. How he has so many years left to think things through. But it wasn’t good. It was a mess. My partner who was a Quaker would have known what to say. How to reassure. In my current tired state I can hardly string a couple of sentences together. I was really struggling.


I don’t know how many times the pets have come to my parenting rescue.

Dad come and look at our cute girl”

This was the moment the girl cat decided that she wanted her tummy tickling. Suddenly theological questions are put to one side as the cat takes centre stage. This has bought me some much needed thinking time.


We had the big reveal. If we won the lottery which of the following activities would be our favourite and which would be our least favourite thing to do.

  • Live in the Amazon jungle for a month
  • Climb Everest
  • Go into space
  • Sail to the bottom of the sea
  • Drive around a racetrack in a F1 car.

Me: Too many spiders and snakes in the jungle for my liking – so this would be the least likely option I would choose. For me it would have to be Space or Everest. I think the chance to see our beautiful planet from space would just swing it for me.

Son: Least favourite was the F1 car. Surprisingly he didn’t opt for the jungle because he didn’t want to see the damage we are doing to it. He opted for the trip to the bottom of the ocean.

The jungle cost me so I got to play jelly bean roulette. I can report back that ‘rotten milk’ flavour is not good, not good at all.

Today’s challenge: On Christmas Eve we were watching a TV show talking about Home Alone. It started to talk about a couple of big plot mistakes in the film. But before they could tell us what they are we had a power cut. So the challenge is to watch Home Alone again and see who can be the first to spot a plot mistake. Again the loser has to play Jelly Bean roulette.

65 thoughts on “Theology and jelly beans

  1. I know I skipped a bunch of posts, and I’ll go back for them, but I just had to say that even those of us who are of faith struggle with these questions. The year after my father died, Blondie asked me, “Why does Jesus take Grandpas?” All I could do was murmur something about God’s plan and cry. All we can do is hug now, love now, and pray now. xxxxx

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    1. Thank you. You are just not prepared for the questions Blondie and our son ask. You want to take their pain away. Make them happy again. But itโ€™s not easy when you feel so broken somedays. But because all you want is to see them smile – you just have to dust yourself down and try again. xxxxx

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  2. Jesus called His own followers evil! But of course He taught them that if they followed Him they would have eternal life. Such is the grace of God that although we deserve hell, we can spend eternity with our Saviour, something I first realised aged eight. God bless!

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  3. 1. It’s okay that you don’t have all the answers. 2. In moments where I have questioned my faith, I simply pray and thank God for catching me when I fall and loving me through my doubts. 3. Thank goodness for perfectly timed pet cuteness. 4. Jelly Bean roulette sounds awful and fun. What cool challenges and bonding time you two get to have. 5. Your son sounds like a smart and amazing young man. Keep up the great work, dad. โ˜บ

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  4. Aww I think you do pretty well. I read a story of someone who died and came back and her experience is that there is no hell as all mistakes come out of limitations and we are not punished, but I think you answered really well. Don’t be too hard on yourself. โค โค

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  5. I’m as useful as a chocolate teapot as I’m not a parent (unless fostering teenagers for four years counts) and I believe there is something after this life but don’t know what. It brings me comfort to think that we shall be united with our loved ones again though. When I was at my lowest, I ended up playing hymns at 4 am (electric piano had headphones) and I felt a presence that calmed, soothed and restored my spirit.
    You can’t be expected to know all the answers, but judging from what I’ve read, you’ve got a good relationship with your boy and that counts for a helluva lot.
    As for Home Alone (which I will never watch again and prefer Love Actually or Die Hard ) the gangster movie he’s watching apparently is a fake and was scripted purely for use in the film.
    You can have my share of the jelly beans…………….. ๐Ÿ˜€

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      1. Quite a few years back I worked at a computer installation. A movie asked if they could do some filming there. Some Rubbish spy film. I watched the movie when it was released and one scene had a chap pointing to a locked door claiming it to be the weapons store. In reality it was the door to the canteen.


  6. Being a parent is such a challenge and kids ask big questions most of the time when we are least prepared. Usually they are the same questions we have and struggle to find good answers to. No one has the perfect answer to such a difficult question and thats ok! I think you did great!

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  7. You’re doing great! Just answer with what you know and believe; he’s going to think his own way about it anyway.

    Mine was talking about whether Santa was real or not, then suddenly asked if Jesus was. *facepalm*

    I often turn it around to, “Well, what do YOU think?” and then guide their musings as appropriate.

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  8. โค I'm not sure how to answer that question either – even when I ask it myself. Sometimes the answers come in ways we don't expect – like a cat! And I'm very disturbed to hear that there's a rotten-milk flavored jelly bean…

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  9. Wow wow wow, hard to know what to say here, but having been a single parent (through divorce, not death) and having subsequently married a man who was a single parent (through death, not divorce), and raising his two children (who were 3 and 5 when we met), plus my own daughter together, I feel like I/we have run the gamut of emotions and I can tell you that if you live in the present — really live in the present so Spirit can get in — then it does, eventually, all work out. It doesn’t make the hurt go away, but it will morph from an acute pain to a dull ache that you may not even notice on some days. Not a lot for you to hang on to, I know, but lean on friends and family, no matter how heavily you think you are doing so cause they will be instrumental in getting through it. There will be plenty of time to repay them after you right your own ship. Focus on the smallest of details. The big things are out of your reach right now. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind and really wise words. Yes living in the moment really helps. The big bad moments always seem to be when I move into the past. We end up living quite a distance from many of my friends and family. Help is not always physically available and maybe not at the times you really need it. But you end up becoming more resilient. But blogging fills a huge gap, makes you feel close to good, caring people. Thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Whatever works, keep doing it. Also with kids, things change with the seasons so you do, too. Helps put the unbearable into perspective. At least thatโ€™s my experience.โค๏ธ

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