New Years Day brought the traditional trip to the Yorkshire Wildlife Park. It was a wonderful few hours – more of that in the next post.
On our return things seemed fine. Then steadily things started to deteriorate and eventually we had a full on anxiety vortex. Consuming so much energy and hope.
Our son started to think again about school. Like me he often tries to overthink problems. Visualise potential outcomes. And in a similar way to Dr Strange when asked by Ironman about the millions of potential scenarios to stop Thanos – “he could only find one option which had a chance of success”. In our Son’s analysis he could only see one option with a chance of success – leaving school as a solution to his anxieties.
- Teachers who don’t understand him
- Falling further behind in reading – he realises that although he is making progress this is not catch up progress rather this is at best slowing the widening gap
- Low school expectations
- Little help
- Sensory overload at school – too much noise, too many people
- Too much homework
- Constant fear of getting negative comments and falling foul of the penalty system. Even something like forgetting to button up your top button or forgetting to bring in your planner producing automatic penalties.
- A school timetable which brings tight deadlines and logistics pressures to someone with Aspergers.
- In a disruptive class
- And on and on …..
Again today I couldn’t find the healing words. Just couldn’t stem the raging anxiety vortex. The vortex doesn’t just suck our son’s energy it feeds on mine to. Increasingly tired. Feeling broken. Mind keeps crashing back to those 6 weeks when I lost my mum and then my partner.
We try to get some sleep but the vortex continues to rage and our son is beyond sleep.
“Dad we need to do something, anything”.
Come on let’s take the dog for a walk.
“But I’m in my pyjamas and it’s nighttime”
Get changed quickly then.
Ten minutes later at 10.50pm we are walking the dog in the pitch black with one cheap torch to guide us.
The dark, the quiet, the spookiness – whatever the reason but suddenly the anxiety vortex is calmed.
Talk is now about the things we really wanted but never got as a kid. The things we love and hate about England. Favourite foods. Ghost stories.
Hopefully for one night our son is ok. He is asleep and hopefully has a good night. We dust ourselves down and go again tomorrow.