First taste of winter. Hardly alpine skiing conditions but at least it feels like winter. In some parts of Austria they have had 10 feet of snow falling over just 15 days. England grinds to a halt when we get 6 inches…..

Our son had been clinging onto the hope of a Monday school closure. I always suspected he would be disappointed. The school has many faults but it does seem immune to the weather. It never seems to close.

It feels so cold in my heart today.

You get mornings when you are tired and then you get mornings when you are TIRED. Today I just can’t get going. Lack of sleep eventually gets to everyone. It did this morning and I hate it.

As the school bus trundled down the road.

“Dad I don’t want to get on the bus, will you drive me”.

I realise how daunting that trip is to our son and my usual answer would be – don’t worry, no harm done let’s get in the car.

Not today……..

Today I told him to get onto the bus. As soon as he was on the bus my mind had cleared. What was I thinking of. What a prat…

Am I just looking for excuses. Probably it’s just down to awful parenting. Part of me is hoping I can blame fatigue. The other part of my brain is looking to give myself a good kicking. Will certainly try to make it up to the little fella tonight. Must raise my game, son deserves better than this…..

75 thoughts on “Bad parenting”

  1. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s not bad parenting. When he’s back tonight tell him how proud you are of him .. he did something that he didn’t want to do and he got through it. It was ok. You’re human and it’s ok and normal to be knackered! He helped you out today – what a kind lad! Keep going, you’re doing fine. Katie

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  2. Beating yourself up does not help him or you, it just uses up vital energy. What’s done is done. For now just be your usual supportive self. Sometime when you are past this event, talk to him about the effects of fatigue and lack of sleep on you. Get him to tell you how he feels about lack of sleep. All parents know how exhaustion and lack of sleep affects their parenting at different times, you are just one of many in this difficult situation.

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  3. Sometimes you gotta take care of you too! You are no good to anyone is you let yourself get too wore down. You know doing things we don’t want to in life is a good thing. It teaches us skills of adaptation we would not otherwise learn. Don’t beat yourself up. You are too hard on yourself. You are doing a great job!

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  5. I hit the ‘like’ button because I didn’t know what to comment. And sometimes all we can do is let people know we’re still reading and still with them. It’s ok to have off days. You don’t even need excuses. The day may get better, it may not, either way, it’s ok.

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  8. We all feel this way sometimes. What you did wasn’t bad and being that you want to do something special later on means that you are a great parent who wants the best for your child. That’s awesome. Hope you have a good day and better night.

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  10. You feel guilty because you denied your son. You feel like a hypocrite because you indulged yourself. Also, you are honest about these difficult feelings with yourself and others.

    You hold yourself to high standards as a father, are willing to learn from your mistakes, committed to making it up to the lad, and you are resolved to doing better next time.

    I suppose even the very best parents can have a slip on a bad day.

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  13. It’s so wonderful that you care so much. Your son is naturally your Number One priority. But please don’t feel terrible about what happened today.

    I do remember plenty of times when my parents could not deliver perhaps the way we would have really liked them to – but there were seven of us children. It was pretty much impossible.

    There was one day when I was about five or six, when Mum had to deal with my baby sister and my three year old sister who were ill and she asked me to go and tag along with the neighbour’s children and go to school with them. (It was a much safer world back then, there were lots of children in out area who went to the same school). I walked in the direction of school but could not see anyone. I think I missed the school procession by a few minutes. I ended up at the dual carriageway that divided our houses from the fields that led to the school. That was the first kind of panic attack I remember having. I froze next to the busy road completely useless. I was terrified to cross on my own and terrified to go back because I didn’t want to disappoint my Mum. I just stood there for ages and in the end lay down on the floor in tears. In the end I decided I was going to have to go home and I just hoped my lovely Mum would understand I had failed to get to school. Poor Mum still had both of the little ones throwing up. But she was so lovely. I explained there was nobody around on their way to school and I just could not face the road on my own. Mum was fine, she said the school would just have to understand that it was one of those mornings and we could not help being late that day. I was so relieved.

    But there were plenty of times when things did not go quite right. But learning to accept that whether we are adults or children we all have bad days, we all have limits, we all sometimes have to try to do what we feel we cannot, and sometimes admit we are overwhelmed and need to keep working on it, and sometimes we are just doing what we are told we ought to but have zero motivation and any little discouragement makes it even harder to do as we ought…. we all had to learn it and it has helped us be balanced in life I am sure.

    Perfection is not possible. But courage, understanding, empathy, forgiveness and balance are all very possible and make us richer. Challenges – little and large – mold a very fine and genuine human being who is endearing to everyone.

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    1. Thank you so much. It’s a kinda sad but lovely tale. You must have been terrified. When I was 10 I had to walk to school about 3 miles. First time I did it I was terrified. My parents were great but had to work. You are so right. Sometimes because it’s just me I think that I have to try harder. Unfortunately trying harder often doesn’t mean the quality goes up. I will try to do the last 2 sentences. That’s the key.

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  15. You can’t get it right all the time, but from what I’ve read of your boy and your relationship, he’ll not hold it against you. I fostered teenagers for four years, and they were tiring, frustrating and a challenge most of the time, but when I got it right, oh the rewards!

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  18. Been there, done that. Wheel Barrow seems like a man’s way to blow off some steam. My husband and I recently got into a good argument. He went out and stacked wood for a long time. He said next time we argue send me outside, I almost stacked a cord of wood! Women…we cry in a corner somewhere.

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  19. It’s not bad parenting, it’s just being a parent. Even with two parents it is the most difficult job on earth. Do not feel guilty. You need to take time for yourself too, to be at your best when you are together. 👍🏻🤗

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  20. Many good comments here already, and I’m not sure there’s much I can add that hasn’t been said already. I *do* agree that sometimes you have to take a little time out for yourself. You just burn out otherwise and turn resentful over time.

    Secondly, and I only saw this hinted at a couple of times, remember a parent’s job is NOT to shield a child from every challenge or discomfort. It’s to give them the tools and confidence to face challenges and discomfort confidently and in a positive manner. I’m fairly new to the blog here, but from what I’ve seen, it looks like you’re working hard to do just that also.

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  21. I bet he came home that evening and had forgotten all about it! You’re doing better than most, my friend can’t get out of bed since her son died on the 9th January, you seem like a great Dad to me, and I bet your son agrees.

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  22. You’re being too hard on yourself, I’m sure that what seems like a big thing to you won’t be to him. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you on your own, I struggle and I have help. Definitely try and get your head down xxx

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  23. Don’t you fret. Blondie’s not keen on the bus either but it means not having to drive with her brothers, and for that she’s grateful. It’s the little victories, overcoming the little strifes (whatever, I’m making it a word), that helps us better prepare for the bigger problems.

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  24. interesting post, don’t blame yourself, kids always wants to skip school at any cost, my kids sometimes says they want hurricanes to come so the school close, they don’t even know what they are asking for, lol

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  25. Ah. My spouse left with persuasion from the Sheriff’s department, for alcoholism and abuse. Still…my fault. And my burden to make it up to them. However…sometimes you’re just TIRED. I feel this.

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  26. I’m seeing this post 7 months later but I bet such beyond tired days are still around. There are no words for them, are there? Chore after chore, mistake after mistake, mess after mess.

    At least I give myself the liberty to lose my temper when it’s too much to hold it in and together. I don’t know if that’s ever an option for you.

    So if you told that precious one to get on the bus when he didn’t want to, you were responding as any beyond tired parent would. And it’s very good for kids – this tough love. Apart from giving us some precious time to recoup and relaunch, we’re also prepping our kids for a world that won’t always look out for them the way we do.

    Every kid needs this prepping, Gary. Tougher it may be on your son but you’re teaching him something he needs to learn to navigate what’s out there.

    One day, he’ll thank you for it – even if he no longer remembers this lesson.

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