The sun sets on another school week.

The school week almost ended prematurely this morning. To a child with Aspergers routine is the key. Outside the house at precisely 805am. Recheck the school bag contents. Go through the class timetable for the day. Reconfirm the after school plan. At 810am start listening for the bus to arrive. As soon as the bus is heard move towards the gate. As the bus passes confirm with our son where he plans to sit. As the bus does a u-turn son sets off for the bus stop.

This routine works well … most days.

Today as we left the house at 8.05. On plan. Bus is already at the bus stop. Oh s**t.

Suddenly we have a meltdown. The plan is out of the window. Poor kid doesn’t know what to do. After a couple of minutes he is frozen to the spot, in tears and unable to think. All I could think about was to reach for a scrap piece of paper in my pocket.

“Son this is Plan X, it’s our plan for this”

He looks at me and asks what does the plan say. Not sure son if I’m honest the scrap paper is my shopping list for the week.

“It says we start walking to the gate while I quickly check you bag and read out your class timetable. At the gate you tell me where you are going to sit. Then you walk calmly to the bus singing your favourite song”

We head towards the gate suddenly we are on plan or to be accurate on the shopping list. Suddenly he stops and he asks what does the plan say about what happens if the bus sets off before he gets to the bus stop.

“Dad sits cross legged in the middle of the road and refuses to move. Thus stopping said bus.”

He smiles and says “you made that last bit up didn’t you.”

As the bus passes, he waves from the window and laughs. Silly Dad is sat crossed legged in the snow.

Maybe we need to think about our routines and schedules. Map out some of the things which might go wrong and plan some alternative plans. Not having to rely on a shopping list again would be nice. But at least we have Plan X now.

95 thoughts on “Plan X”

      2. I know, I think I’d wish too – at times. But we’ve had our own journeys for a reason, they’ve molded us to whom we are today. We’re all on our own individual paths. It’s great knowing there are great fathers though! 😊🙏🏽

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      4. Oh yes! I can relate.
        I see my own parents doing far more with my children – their grandchildren, then they ever did with us – their own children! In their doings and words. At one point though, I stopped myself and said, I could either continue to be bitter about it, or let it go, and be happy for who they are to my children today.
        I chose to be happy for them and my children, as they have an incredible bond.
        I can’t go back and change things, but I can chose how I want to feel moving forward.

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      5. Holding onto resentment or bitterness is silly really as its a generational thing…. We can only grieve what we did not get and resentment blocks true grieving. And then we have to accept and even let that grief go for it was never possible to get what we did not. ❤

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      11. Me too in fact im realising moe and more how hard Mum and Dad tried and in many ways it was a more grounded life than these days..far slower pace. They just both worked so much but they were depression children. We are lucky in so.many ways we are growing snd learning all the time and parents are far more emotionally engaged in this day and age which has positive and negative aspects too I guess. 🙄

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      14. It was a different world, with different views on things. I’m pretty sure my approach wouldn’t have worked back then. Then you get special people like my mum who just work well at all times. It’s a shame that my son now doesn’t have any grandparents left now. But the grannies got quality time with him.

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      15. No it’s not easy. My dad was very old school. We connected sometimes other times ….. I think I could connect with him so much better now. Maybe his approach which would have been to walk into our council and bash a few heads together would have more success of trying to do it politely.

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      1. Aspergers or not, I think you’ve reminded all of us parents how important it is to approach tough parenting situations with love, patience, quick thinking, and a sense of humor. Thank you. If you ever have a moment when you question your dad skills, remember this moment you had and know that yes, you are definitely doing it right.

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  15. Pingback: Plan X – A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. – International Badass Activists

  19. Your ability to adapt and change together with your sense of humour sets you up there as a role model and advocate for any Aspergers Support and Advocacy Group! I hope you got some vital “me” time during the day to recharge your resilience! Keep sharing.

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      1. A bit of rest and play is essential all days if you want to continue bringing the quality you bring to what you, particularly as a lone parent, do! Please do share something you do for rest & play…to encourage others to do the same! What is “your” Plan X?

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  23. I know precious little about your son’s disorder, so understand this is an semi-educated and well meaning guess / suggestion. Since this worked, AND stability helps your son, MAYBE coming up with real back-up plans for when things go a little goofy will help him realize it’s possible to improvise… That changes in routine don’t have to be so scary.

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