This post has been sitting around my draft folder for a few weeks now. I just couldn’t get the wording right, it felt like I was saying the wrong thing. I just couldn’t find the appropriate filter to turn it into the post I wanted.

I want this to come across as a warm and loving post. I don’t want it to be seen as laughing at my son expense, rather laughing with him at our strange world. If it does come across as insensitive then please tell me and I will delete it immediately. If that’s the case then I am so sorry.

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Its few years now since we first had Autism and Aspergers mentioned to us. At the time a Doctor talked about the symptoms. I wish he had framed it as his unique personality. One of the things he mentioned was and I will use his language

“Inappropriate language”

“Heartless and unfeeling speech”

“Something we may treat later in life”

Sorry Doctor there is only one person in the room with those traits and it’s not our son.

Our son has a beautiful and unfiltered language. He just can’t lie or dress things up. As my Dad would say he calls “a fish supper a fish supper”. This can lead to some interesting situations. We have talked about it. Our son always says that this is just who he is and he doesn’t want to change.

I will give you a few examples:

  • Once a nurse told him her age. Son’s response was “Really I thought you were a lot older”,
  • After I told a joke that went completely flat as a person tried to take our son’s picture. Son’s response “That’s my Dad he is a complete Muppet”,
  • When his mum was seriously ill a Doctor was trying to get a needle into her vein. Son asked the Doctor “Are you a proper Doctor”. The rather stuffy Doctor replied with all his qualifications. Son responded “Well it doesn’t look like you are!”
  • After a school play he said to a girl in his class “You are really pretty but wow you can’t sing.”
  • On a French train he told a rather odd looking guard with a beard “Have you got rabies.”
  • His mum was petrified of heights. We were on a very wobbly cable car and she started to panic a bit. Our son helpfully pointed out “Yes Mum we must be 500ft in the air so if the cable breaks we will die.”
  • On another French train he told the food trolley person “Have you got any food that doesn’t smell of wee..”
  • At his grannies and she had an accident in the kitchen. I said to my mum “Did you just swear?”, Granny said no. Our son said “But you did swear you said Twat.”
  • To a dentist who did smell of garlic our son asked “Have you ever considered using a mouth wash.”
  • While I was trying to lift some really heavy weights “Dad that’s not a good look. You look like you are having a heart attack.”
  • When he went for an X-ray on his finger he asked if it was safe. The technician said completely safe. Our Son replied “If it’s safe then why are you heading behind that glass panel.”
  • When I first started growing a beard he told me “It made me look like ZZTops bus driver”
  • His new Headteacher gave a speech about school excellence and academic achievement. When he came to our son he asked what was he looking to achieve at the school our son replied “Sir I’m looking to take my gap year as soon as I can.”
  • At a Wrestling show and at the perfect moment when the crowd fell silent he shouted out “Dad that’s the female wrestler you fancy. She doesn’t seem to be wearing much why don’t you take a photo of her.”
  • To someone serving food at a cafe he said “I really think you should wash your hands, they are very dirty.”
  • To a man in the village our son told him “You look like an old Father Christmas.”
  • At a rock concert he stood next to a very large biker and said just loud enough “He looks like a Neanderthal.”

We don’t see all this as inappropriate or heartless. Those are just so awful ways to describe this. To write autistic people off as unfeeling or insensitive reveals more about the people making those claims. Please rather see it is unfiltered and pure speech. Welcome the individuality. I for one embrace it.

81 thoughts on “He looks like a Neanderthal”

  5. Oh my I just love kids and their complete uninhibited ways of approaching life, regardless of autism spectrum issues. It’s just so refreshing!

    I’ve often wondered, and contemplated researching and blogging, about when exactly this behavior stops (being uninhibited, blunt, honest, completely truthful). Is it gradual as they start school environments? Do they pick it up earlier? From whom? How?

    I think it was lovely you decided to share this. 💟

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  6. Oh my goodness, I am in love with your son! He simply says what we all think, that’s all and that’s wonderful. Doctors do get it wrong sometimes, quite often actually with regards to the things that they say, or the way that they say it. Sometimes the most intelligent people can find it hard to dig out the best ways to say things. Just as an aside, I watch Holby City which I know is trash, but I love it. There is a young man on it who has autism or Aspergers, (forgive me please, I don’t know) … this fellow is the most charming, delightful man and ABSOLUTELY makes the programme. His directness is wonderfully refreshing and whilst I know that this is just a tv programme, he is the most lovable chap there is. You’re doing a wonderful job. Hats off. Katie

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  8. I truly wish I could just say what I thought without the 100s of filters each thought goes through before I feel I can say it.
    I am truly not a fan of labels or in many cases, diagnosis. Like you say, it’s part of who he is.
    It doesn’t seem insensitive to me, but, the only person who could really answer that for you is your son.

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  9. Those were hilarious! Never be cautious of offending readers…this is your online home – that means readers are your guests…they accept your home as they find it.

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  11. You wrote the post perfectly! … I too, am used to the unfiltered remarks from my autistic son. But at least I know I can always rely on him for the truth. His headteacher once asked him what the best thing about school was, he replied – home time! She seemed offened but the rest of the asembly hall was laughing, my son didn’t understand what was so funny as he was being serious!
    It’s an interesting life with these kids, and adults, but I wouldn’t change them for the world! … X

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    1. Thank you so much. Yes these kids are just perfect as they are. I wish I was as honest and pure. I like what your so said, good on him. I sometimes need to sit down with our son to explain the funny side of his comments. To be fair I have to always explain why my jokes are supposed to be funny….xx

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      1. I know that feeling! My son is really struggling at school at the moment in English Literature, he can’t read between and lines and half the stuff is going over his head! Tough times ahead while I try to explain everything to him, line at a time…

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      2. That’s tough. Somedays I find the constant explaining easy other days not so easy and frustrating (tiredness impacts on patience). Schools don’t recognise that. Anything outside the usual profile is deemed low attainment. Certainly at our school that means they don’t have to put much support in place to aim high.

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  12. Great post. Your son sounds like a wise person. Most of us spend way too much time beating about the bush, trying to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, rather than telling the truth. I’ve always said “It is better to be brutally honest, rather than honestly brutal. Thanks for sharing. Allan

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  15. I think your son is wonderful and refreshing. He says it as it is, and there’s no problem with that. Such honesty is a rare gift and your lad has it in spades, even though the medical profession try to label it. I hope he doesn’t change. The bit about the cable car had me in stitches. One of my foster kids once asked me if I’d had a dinosaur as a pet as I was so old (I was in my late 20s at the time). Not a lot you can say to that! Hugs to you both.

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  16. I enjoyed your honesty and I don’t think you should delete the post.
    The doctor clearly didn’t get it.
    I feel most relaxed around people who communicate like this because they make sense to me and really it’s what I want to do, though I’ve learned in most situations it’s not received well!
    But going back to your son, I think when people say it like it is, it’s really refreshing. He will find people who appreciate him for it rather than seeing it as a problem.

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  19. All of that reminds me of an old friend of mine. I sometimes have a mouth I can’t control. Her response to me, sometimes, after I spewed a view, was “Damn. Don’t hold back. Tell us exactly how you feel!”

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  20. Your positive role modelling and teaching of social behaviour is and will be important for him as he grows older. While an Asperger’s child is reacting honestly in what they say, as an adult, what they say can have a very negative impact on vulnerable people, including children. One 39 year old Asperger’s relative told our dyslexic left handed seven year old last year she should write with her right hand. Her mother immediately came to her child’s defence as by that time we knew she found writing stressful. The 39 year old Asperger’s relative was very hurt, said he was just speaking the truth. I should add that this man did not have positive role modelling after the age of fourteen, has not had long term relationships, and has been a loner most of his life. He has managed to hold down jobs, though I do not know how voluntarily he left these jobs. He isolates himself when he say hurtful things.

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      1. Yes it is such a shame, and so difficult for them. In fact our dyslexic relative only ever really became close to his older brother, father of the dyslexic child. Awkward. Interestingly this 39 year old went to India some time ago, and spent three years at a yoga ashram. He returned four years ago, worked in a residential care facility for disabled people until last month. He has now travelled several hours south to live on a Hindu “Hari Krishna” ashram here. He has worked in their garden before, growing their own food and will probably do this again.

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      5. Your son is very fortunate in his father.
        I realise now that our relative must have Asperger’s syndrome, from everything you say about it. But he has never been properly diagnosed, not has it been recognised that he had mental difficulties. His father in particular has objected to his behaviour without having any idea what was wrong with him. hopefully he will relaxx in the asham.

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  21. I loved the one about the wobbly cable car.

    We had a similar moment some time ago when one of the twins informed a supermarket checkout girl: “You’re a thief!”

    It didn’t take long to establish that her stripy black and white sweater had aroused his suspicions because, as all young children know, only thieves wear black and white stripes.

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  22. I love it! I had really long hair when I was in my early twenties and on a whim, had it cut short. I was the office manager for a large distribution company at the time and walking across the warehouse one day, I got whistled at. As I got closer the guy said Oh hi Helen. I saw you coming and thought wow she’s really pretty then I realised it was you.
    My favorite ‘compliment’ ever!!

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  24. Oh pish, this is how kids talk, ANY kid? The only thing I’ve ever bluntly chided the kids about are fat questions. “Why are you fat?” “You shouldn’t be fat.” We have a few morbidly obese relatives in the family, so these questions don’t sit too well with my battle ax of a grandmother in law…

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  25. So very, very true. I’ve had to embrace my son, and tell others they need to as well.
    ..on the plus side, he’s very good at completely insincere apologies now.

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