The pre Valentine onslaught is in full swing. One advert claiming to have the perfect gift for my partner, every base covered….. Really – every base?
I’ve always been a daydreamer. As a child dreams of football, cricket, astronauts and mountains dominated. They gave hope. The years went by and still I dreamed. Dreams of happiness and a successful career. Then I met my partner and the dreams changed. Suddenly dreams focused on starting a family. Then our son was born and dreams shifted to happy family life. Few years further passed and it became more likely no more children would arrive – again my dreams shifted. Now they were dominated by images of us happily growing old together. Walking hand in hand. Sat together in Parisian cafes. Sharing new experiences in new lands. Dreams and hopes intertwined. Then the world suddenly changed….
Now I live in the moment, just focused on the practicalities of the day. When I daydream now (very rare) these are entirely focused on our son. Dreams involving me have gone. When I look – nothing. They died with my partner. No happy thoughts of growing older. Just the deepest blackness. I have heard this phrase used before. Living our lives through our children. It is so true. One role.
One day I do hope my daydreams return. Some things don’t change. I am still a daydreamer at heart.
Dreams are Hope is Disguise.:))
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Yes they are.
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:))
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🙏
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Give yourself time. They’ll be back in no time.
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I hope so.
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I think they will. Grieving throws such a dark pall over our lives, doesn’t it? I have a friend who very recently lost her husband and has not been able to pick up a paint brush or a cookbook since he died. But I think these desires will come back to her. She has a passion for cooking and she is a talented artist -it’s just a part of her; of who she is as a human being. Your daydreams may return even brighter than ever one day – when you’re ready and the grief less intense. Wishing you the blessings of beautiful dreams.
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Thank you. I am sure you are right. We have a really talented artist in the village. He lost his partner over a year ago. He keeps to himself but occasionally I see him. He stopped painting completely, just couldn’t do it. But now has slowly started tidying up his study. Maybe looking to restart.
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Grief is a strange animal and we all experience it and deal with it in our own way
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We do.
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Have a wonderful week – may you recognize all the blessings that come your way – wishing you peace
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Thank you so much and you to.
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Thank you 🙂
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It’s a gorgeous view. Is this close to where you live?
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You jump over our garden fence and it’s the farmers field.
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I agree, but I’m 72, you my dear, are not!
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No, true. But sometimes it feels like you just have to ride the waves which you can’t stop, regardless of age.
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Praying that you will.
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Thank you so much.
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🙏
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Thank you
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Grieving is hard work. When you are ready new dreams will appear. You are right! Survival and living for your son is where you are!! One day at a time!!
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Yes one day at a time works currently.
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Poignant
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Thank you
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No one can really answer this with words… I can just feel your heart. Loss like this is so huge… Its almost impossible to fully fathom. I am glad you expressed this. Others who have lost partners are also struggling around this time. Its not consolation but you are not alone… ❤ (and yet on another level you are 😦 🙂 )
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Thank you xx
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hugs hugs. I feel for you. You can still dream though. Love, Carol anne! Xxxxx ❤
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Thank you
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Sorry should have added sending hugs to you as well xxx
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One day….. one day … you will realise you are looking outward again. Just now you are trying to dream for your son as well, ie for two people. Just go with it.
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Yes need to do this.
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Hey friend. You still have dreams … they’re just packed away in a box of pain at the moment, but … one of these days … when you least expect it … you’ll find them again. Life hasn’t ended … it’s just been put on hold for the moment, okay? I promise. Hugs. 🤗
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Thank you. Yes that’s such a good way of looking at things. xx
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Valentine’s Day is a horrible day and makes people feel bad or under pressure whatever their relationship status. Luckily we only have to put up with it for another few days, and then all the cheesy hearts and red roses will be gone for another year. Brighter days are definitely coming. 🌞
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Yes just a few more days then can think of chocolate eggs….
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We dream, we live!
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We live and hopefully the dreams will return.
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I think they are always there, needing to be tapped. I love dreams hence the title of my blog.
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So true.
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Valentine’s Day is such a dumb thing.
One day a year you’re supposed to do something romantic (and ‘ideally’ expensive) for the one you love how much you love them?
I though that was supposed to be an every day you’re lucky enough to get kind of thing. 😉
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It is bizarre that we fall into this commercial profit driven exercise.
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Bizzarre? True! But remember there are thousands of clever business people figuring out how to take best advantage of our fears and emotions so as to make profits from us. They are quite good at what they do – obviously. Most of us humans are really really good at being manipulated, largely without noticing we have been. 😦
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It’s not just us. Currently dog is doing everything asked of him because he wants his ball back….
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😉 Oh to wield such power over lesser mortals!! 🙂
The urge is irresistible it seems?
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Yes it is.
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If you are a daydreamer at heart, your dreams are very much there in your heart but perhaps hibernating.
Whether one is alone or with a partner, Valentine’s day is not about us, but about marketing. I am bemused by all the hype and hoopla surrounding it.
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Yes it does seem very odd and so easy to sell.
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You’ll dream again one day, just at the moment your focus is on your son. But it will come back and new dreams will be made…. Life is for dreaming and us – daydreamers, can’t be held down… x
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Thank you. Yes it will come back.
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I hope your dreams return as well. Sending lots of hugs
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Thank you so much. I hope so to. xx
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Dream away. I’ll send you something I read someplace this morning when I get done with the kids stuff… something that made me think of you and your journey. I’ll dig it up for you later.
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Thanks. Will look forward to that.
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May your dreams return and lead at least to contentment
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Thank you sir.
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I speak from no experience save watching my father heal after my mother’s death. He will forever mourn his first wife, but his happy 25 year marriage with his second wife sustains him to this day.
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I am pleased.
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Sending you Valentine’s Hugs.
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You to…
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I am sure your dreams will return when you are ready. Until then, you have your memories and are making new ones with your son. What’s his take on Valentine’s Day?
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Romance is a strange concept to him…….
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😀
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🙏
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I understand your thoughts and feelings. I think it is normal to lose the ability to daydream for a while after such an experience. They say time heals… I don’t know. But I believe that time helps to look upon the past from a distance for a while which gives us the chance to give those experiences their place in our lives. We still develop and the past develops with us. I don’t know how long ago the loss of your partner is but there will be the time again when the dreams are coming back. And yes, through our children we learn to live again. I hope you don’t mind my long comment and what I said but I couldn’t help it. Blessings to you, dear friend.
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It does my angst with the world has gone. I can now handle the concept that’s it’s still ok to smile. Just need to work on some of the details….. But thank you so much. Your post helped today. Thank you. xxx
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It is a long and individual way and it is wonderful to hear that the light shines through again. I am very thankful if my post could help a bit. I already had a different post scheduled but spontaneously wrote this one and decided to post it today. Now I know why. I am really thankful! Have a blessed evening, dear friend.
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You to. xxx
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Thank you 😊
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They will return. ❤
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Beautiful. I hope you and your son will work together on new dreams.
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Thank you so much. If our son is ok, then I’m sure my dreams will return.
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Autism is an easy world to hide in when you feel disconnected from the dreams we once held. It’s a safe place. But nothing ever comes from staying in our safe place right? Dream on. Start small. Sometimes we dream too big at the start. And when those dreams don’t come to fruition we shut down. Start practical and go from there but don’t ever stop dreaming.
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Start small is great advice.
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I too have those black spaces. They’ve become less pronounced and appear less frequently. In the beginning, some days all I saw was black when I would try to imagine what the future would bring. This is less so now, or maybe the blackness is a lighter shade or has pinpricks of life shining through. I’m not sure but I suspect they will always exist. I’m glad you mentioned them because it got me thinking that maybe I need to look at them as empty spaces waiting to be filled with new stuff, experiences and people. I know sometimes they will still be just black. Just keep walking. 🙂
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I try to tell myself that the black are doors closed to an old life but other doors which open are still to be found. It’s not entirely convincing yet…
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new neurological pathways take a long time to build. one day at a time. Interesting that I’m now seeing the black as space to be filled and you see it as what no longer exists. I think you may be right about there being a connection with dreams. It’s kind of like when I used to think about my life I could see what it would look like, sort of envision it. But, when Richard died, especially in the beginning, I couldn’t see past the day so everything beyond that remained black. As I said earlier, it isn’t like that anymore. For that I am grateful. I’m sure it will also change for you. Funny, the only thing we know for sure is that we both sometimes see black. You’ll just have to take my word on it becoming less black. Hang in 🙂
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Thank you. Yes different shades of black. I am trying to get myself into a mindset that when bad things happen doors permanently bolt shut to old worlds but new doors to new worlds can appear. It’s up to you if you eventually decide to look for them.
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Oh I’ve felt this. When that shift inside snuffs the flame. But I think you will find a reason to daydream again. The embers are there, ready and waiting, to be found, cradled, and gently blown back to life. xxxxx
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Thank you my good buddy. I love the thought of embers it is a truly beautiful way of looking at it. I might need someone to help with lighting the embers. Anybody who has been camping with me will know firestarting is not a natural talent of mine. xxxx
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Ha! Yeah, I usually needed a lot, a LOT of newspapers and dried leaves to keep the flames going long enough to finally ignite on the logs 🙂
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I would love a real fire. Our chimney is apparently too small to have one……..
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Oh no! Our house fortunately has gas fireplaces, so it’s a matter of flipping switches. No floo cleaning for us!
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We are too far in the sticks… No gas supply at all. It’s the hyper expensive home oil or the money pit which is the dreaded electric fire….
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Uffdah. Stick to wood, then. 😦
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Hot water bottles down your T-shirt is the way to go.
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Oh! That too.
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Only problem, it’s not a good look….
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I’m a dreamer too! And a believer as well.
Hugs from Italy
Vicky
😊
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Hugs to you from Yorkshire. xxx
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UK?
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Yes northern ENGLAND
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Welcome my dear :*
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🙏🙏
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