The pre Valentine onslaught is in full swing. One advert claiming to have the perfect gift for my partner, every base covered….. Really – every base?

I’ve always been a daydreamer. As a child dreams of football, cricket, astronauts and mountains dominated. They gave hope. The years went by and still I dreamed. Dreams of happiness and a successful career. Then I met my partner and the dreams changed. Suddenly dreams focused on starting a family. Then our son was born and dreams shifted to happy family life. Few years further passed and it became more likely no more children would arrive – again my dreams shifted. Now they were dominated by images of us happily growing old together. Walking hand in hand. Sat together in Parisian cafes. Sharing new experiences in new lands. Dreams and hopes intertwined. Then the world suddenly changed….

Now I live in the moment, just focused on the practicalities of the day. When I daydream now (very rare) these are entirely focused on our son. Dreams involving me have gone. When I look – nothing. They died with my partner. No happy thoughts of growing older. Just the deepest blackness. I have heard this phrase used before. Living our lives through our children. It is so true. One role.

One day I do hope my daydreams return. Some things don’t change. I am still a daydreamer at heart.

94 thoughts on “When dreams fade”

  3. I think they will. Grieving throws such a dark pall over our lives, doesn’t it? I have a friend who very recently lost her husband and has not been able to pick up a paint brush or a cookbook since he died. But I think these desires will come back to her. She has a passion for cooking and she is a talented artist -it’s just a part of her; of who she is as a human being. Your daydreams may return even brighter than ever one day – when you’re ready and the grief less intense. Wishing you the blessings of beautiful dreams.

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    1. Thank you. I am sure you are right. We have a really talented artist in the village. He lost his partner over a year ago. He keeps to himself but occasionally I see him. He stopped painting completely, just couldn’t do it. But now has slowly started tidying up his study. Maybe looking to restart.

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  9. No one can really answer this with words… I can just feel your heart. Loss like this is so huge… Its almost impossible to fully fathom. I am glad you expressed this. Others who have lost partners are also struggling around this time. Its not consolation but you are not alone… ❤ (and yet on another level you are 😦 🙂 )

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  12. Hey friend. You still have dreams … they’re just packed away in a box of pain at the moment, but … one of these days … when you least expect it … you’ll find them again. Life hasn’t ended … it’s just been put on hold for the moment, okay? I promise. Hugs. 🤗

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  13. Valentine’s Day is a horrible day and makes people feel bad or under pressure whatever their relationship status. Luckily we only have to put up with it for another few days, and then all the cheesy hearts and red roses will be gone for another year. Brighter days are definitely coming. 🌞

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  15. Valentine’s Day is such a dumb thing.

    One day a year you’re supposed to do something romantic (and ‘ideally’ expensive) for the one you love how much you love them?

    I though that was supposed to be an every day you’re lucky enough to get kind of thing. 😉

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      1. Bizzarre? True! But remember there are thousands of clever business people figuring out how to take best advantage of our fears and emotions so as to make profits from us. They are quite good at what they do – obviously. Most of us humans are really really good at being manipulated, largely without noticing we have been. 😦

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  16. If you are a daydreamer at heart, your dreams are very much there in your heart but perhaps hibernating.
    Whether one is alone or with a partner, Valentine’s day is not about us, but about marketing. I am bemused by all the hype and hoopla surrounding it.

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  21. I speak from no experience save watching my father heal after my mother’s death. He will forever mourn his first wife, but his happy 25 year marriage with his second wife sustains him to this day.

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  24. I understand your thoughts and feelings. I think it is normal to lose the ability to daydream for a while after such an experience. They say time heals… I don’t know. But I believe that time helps to look upon the past from a distance for a while which gives us the chance to give those experiences their place in our lives. We still develop and the past develops with us. I don’t know how long ago the loss of your partner is but there will be the time again when the dreams are coming back. And yes, through our children we learn to live again. I hope you don’t mind my long comment and what I said but I couldn’t help it. Blessings to you, dear friend.

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      1. It is a long and individual way and it is wonderful to hear that the light shines through again. I am very thankful if my post could help a bit. I already had a different post scheduled but spontaneously wrote this one and decided to post it today. Now I know why. I am really thankful! Have a blessed evening, dear friend.

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  27. Autism is an easy world to hide in when you feel disconnected from the dreams we once held. It’s a safe place. But nothing ever comes from staying in our safe place right? Dream on. Start small. Sometimes we dream too big at the start. And when those dreams don’t come to fruition we shut down. Start practical and go from there but don’t ever stop dreaming.

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  28. I too have those black spaces. They’ve become less pronounced and appear less frequently. In the beginning, some days all I saw was black when I would try to imagine what the future would bring. This is less so now, or maybe the blackness is a lighter shade or has pinpricks of life shining through. I’m not sure but I suspect they will always exist. I’m glad you mentioned them because it got me thinking that maybe I need to look at them as empty spaces waiting to be filled with new stuff, experiences and people. I know sometimes they will still be just black. Just keep walking. 🙂

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      1. new neurological pathways take a long time to build. one day at a time. Interesting that I’m now seeing the black as space to be filled and you see it as what no longer exists. I think you may be right about there being a connection with dreams. It’s kind of like when I used to think about my life I could see what it would look like, sort of envision it. But, when Richard died, especially in the beginning, I couldn’t see past the day so everything beyond that remained black. As I said earlier, it isn’t like that anymore. For that I am grateful. I’m sure it will also change for you. Funny, the only thing we know for sure is that we both sometimes see black. You’ll just have to take my word on it becoming less black. Hang in 🙂

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      2. Thank you. Yes different shades of black. I am trying to get myself into a mindset that when bad things happen doors permanently bolt shut to old worlds but new doors to new worlds can appear. It’s up to you if you eventually decide to look for them.

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  29. Oh I’ve felt this. When that shift inside snuffs the flame. But I think you will find a reason to daydream again. The embers are there, ready and waiting, to be found, cradled, and gently blown back to life. xxxxx

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