I bravely ventured out to a store in one of local villages It’s not what you would call very big…
“Do you sell any floor cleaner?”
“No not been asked for that in ages. I thinks we sold the last one to Janice when she bought the Grandfather Clock from a vicarage three years ago. She wanted the room to look nice for when it arrived.”
“Ok” – it’s always a bit of an out of body experience in the shop. No idea who Janice is!
“Would you like to try our new cake it’s a Lavender Sponge”
“It looks lovely but no thanks. I’m on a gluten free diet.”
“Oh that’s nice. Those clever scientists come up with some great inventions these days. Did you know that Bill has switched to contacts.”
“No I didn’t” – no idea who Bill is!
“So can I give you a bit of our Lavender cake?”
“No thanks I’m on a Gluten Free diet and I can’t have wheat.”
“That’s nice. Mary has become a vegetarian and she lives next to the farm. I wonder how that works?
“Oh” – Who the bloody hell is Mary!!!
“Did you see our Prime Ministers face yesterday. I voted for her at the last election. She seemed like such a nice person who would get things done. Last night she looked like she was chewing a wasp. She is a mean spirited, selfish idiot. If she had any decency she would have resigned by now.”
“I certainly didn’t vote for May but I completely agree with you. She is a complete embarrassment.”
“Did you vote to leave?”
“No I voted to stay. I asked my son what he wanted and I let him decide for us. It effects his future the most.”
“I voted for Brexit. It’s not that I wanted to leave Europe I just wanted to make a protest. Didn’t think that we would win”
Deep deep sigh – bite bottom lip before I say something.
“I can wrap the slice of cake up for you, freshly made this morning. That must be the same diet as that really famous Male Tennis Player is on, he was on the tv last week, oh what’s his name”
“Novak Djokovic I got the idea from an article I read a few months back.”
“No that’s not him”
“Andy Murray”
“No”
“Roger Federer”
“No”
“Rafael Nadal“
“No, oh it will come to me.
“Do you sell anything like cleaning wipes?”
“No but we do have a special offer on. You get a free bag of bird seed when you buy the local paper”
Bizarrely I came out of the shop with some bird seed, a paper, piece of Lavender cake and a sensation which is probably similar to a frontal lobotomy.
Priceless. this made me laugh so much. I can just picture the scene. I love how your sense of humour amped down the inevitable frustration!! (NO FOR THE HUNDRETH TIME DONT WANT THE FING CAKE) lol π π β€
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It does look good but so far refrained. Son not keen as he is not convinced about the safety of Lavender….. Thank you.
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Lol he may be right..π
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He normally is.
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π
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ππππ
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Thank you
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Sounds like Kafka in a village shop.
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Itβs always an experience. Itβs not the nearest one but itβs madness seems to attract me often…
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Are you local?
π π π
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It is a different world….
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Brilliant, this post. Not the things he made you buy. Thanks for the smiles.
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Thank you itβs a funny old world
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You wrote it so well that I felt as if I was there.
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Thank you so much. I still think part is of me is still there.
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π
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Iβm glad these things donβt just happen to me… the birdseed must have been a bonus…
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For the garden birds certainly
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I thought they might go in the great bloggers bake off free if everything cake as they were free themselves
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Thatβs an idea.
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This. is. AWESOME. You just can’t make up the small-town mentality, you really can’t. This reminds me of how people chat in the hardware store in our town, one of the three shops here. Just raaaaandom chat over nuthin’ at all. Somehow everyone knows everyone–except me. The boys are probably known, though…. π
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Thank you so much. Iβm sure they think I am most odd as well. Thatβs the thing you will never know how much they talk about you, itβs always about someone else. Once I thought they might be talking about me while I was in the shop, so I listened. After a minute realised they were talking about a knackered Heifer in the farm…..
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Ha! Well, cows can do some wacky things, too…
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They are probably better at understanding the remote control as well.
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Are you preparing a script for Coronation Street?
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You have found me out….
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π
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And a conversation youβll remember for a long time to come… π
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Yes itβs burnt into my psyche
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Too funny! Really enjoyed tis π
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Thank you so much Robyn.
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You just couldn’t make this stuff up!! ( I wished i could – i might get more visits/commenters to my blog ! π ).
Love your level of self-restraint displayed.
Give my regards to Janice – tell her Novak says “Hi”! π
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It was an out of body experience.
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An OOBE !!! π
(Funny you should mention that)…..
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Itβs all part of a plan…..
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( You DID write some of the scripts for Little Britain – Right??)
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The Computer says No.
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π I KNEW it! π
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This is hysterical! The Two Ronnies couldn’t have done it better!
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Thank you. I loved the Two Ronnies.
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Me too. Four Candles and the Worm that Turned were great. Sadly missed.
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I loved the silly news stories.
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They were great too weren’t they.
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Both fitted together perfectly. Two Ronnieβs, Eric and Ernie, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, Tommy Cooper. What an era.
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Never into Cook and Moore, though they had their moments, and of course we had Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy. Little and Large and Cannon and Ball came in later years. Loved Eric and Ernie. Yeah, sigh, those were the days.
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As a kid I adored Abbott and C.
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Hahaha, gotta love this! π
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Thank you.
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Had to reread this aloud to my husband – even adopted an accent for the shopkeeper – both in tears laughing – thank you for that.
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Thank you so much. Iβm pleased it made you laugh.
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Your sense of humour is your saving grace.
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Thank you.
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Bit of a surreal roller coaster ride there. It was like you were in the middle of a Monty Python sketch.
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It was just needed a Parrot….
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What a gorgeous view in that picture!
Your experience at the store is quite comical. Why am I picturing the store person as a small, elderly man with lots of grey hair? Experiment time….see how long it takes for the cake to become moldy. Maybe you two could make a guess…jellybean challenge??
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I like that idea. Almost apart from the chap has the darkest hair going, no grey in sight. His wife looks like a carbon copy of him except for completely grey hair.
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π
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Thank you
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π€£π€£π€£π€£ That was my first actual laugh of the day!!! What a fun conversation! Might I ask if she is a very elderly lady?
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Have a go at guessing the appearance….
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Hmmm … 5’2″, white hair, wears a dress, bifocals, gnarled hands … somehow, I suspect I’m way off base here, but that was the impression I had as I read your post.
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Spookily accurate. The husband is an exact replica apart from he has the darkest jet black hair and green trousers….
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Hah! For just a minute there I was afraid you would come back and tell me that she was a twenty-something blonde bombshell! Green trousers … with, perhaps, a purple shirt? Oh, and by the way, how was the lavender sponge cake?
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Not tried it. I canβt and son doesnβt trust Lavender, But itβs been a brilliant air freshener for the kitchen….
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I don’t eat anything made of flowers! π»π·πΌπΉπΈπΊ
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Yes son refers back hemlock….
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OMG! LOL!
“She looked like she was chewing a wasp.” LMAO! I’ve never heard that saying, before.
A few years ago, I had a local chocolatier bring me some of his ‘accidents’. His kitchen was two doors down from the store I was working in. I loved all of his mistakes…except one. He brought in blemished truffles with lavender. “What do you think?” “I think I just ate a piece of dark chocolate that got lost in my underwear drawer.” Lavender is nice in the bathtub, in the chest of drawers and in handsoap. I don’t want to eat it. Yuck.
“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
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Yes bottle is better. The cake is uneaten – itβs being used as a very nice air freshener at the moment…. thanks
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As it should be…LOL!
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Indeed
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Oh, but, she just sounds lovely, dear! Did you like your cake? π
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No but itβs acted as a really good air freshener. Lovely smell of lavender.
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π
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Nice
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Thank you.
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So funny!! Did the birds enjoy the Lavender cake? π
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They did.
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