I bravely ventured out to a store in one of local villages It’s not what you would call very big…

“Do you sell any floor cleaner?”

“No not been asked for that in ages. I thinks we sold the last one to Janice when she bought the Grandfather Clock from a vicarage three years ago. She wanted the room to look nice for when it arrived.”

“Ok” – it’s always a bit of an out of body experience in the shop. No idea who Janice is!

“Would you like to try our new cake it’s a Lavender Sponge”

“It looks lovely but no thanks. I’m on a gluten free diet.”

“Oh that’s nice. Those clever scientists come up with some great inventions these days. Did you know that Bill has switched to contacts.”

“No I didn’t” – no idea who Bill is!

“So can I give you a bit of our Lavender cake?”

“No thanks I’m on a Gluten Free diet and I can’t have wheat.”

“That’s nice. Mary has become a vegetarian and she lives next to the farm. I wonder how that works?

“Oh” – Who the bloody hell is Mary!!!

“Did you see our Prime Ministers face yesterday. I voted for her at the last election. She seemed like such a nice person who would get things done. Last night she looked like she was chewing a wasp. She is a mean spirited, selfish idiot. If she had any decency she would have resigned by now.”

“I certainly didn’t vote for May but I completely agree with you. She is a complete embarrassment.”

“Did you vote to leave?”

“No I voted to stay. I asked my son what he wanted and I let him decide for us. It effects his future the most.”

“I voted for Brexit. It’s not that I wanted to leave Europe I just wanted to make a protest. Didn’t think that we would win”

Deep deep sigh – bite bottom lip before I say something.

“I can wrap the slice of cake up for you, freshly made this morning. That must be the same diet as that really famous Male Tennis Player is on, he was on the tv last week, oh what’s his name”

“Novak Djokovic I got the idea from an article I read a few months back.”

“No that’s not him”

“Andy Murray”

“No”

“Roger Federer”

“No”

“Rafael Nadal“

“No, oh it will come to me.

“Do you sell anything like cleaning wipes?”

“No but we do have a special offer on. You get a free bag of bird seed when you buy the local paper”

Bizarrely I came out of the shop with some bird seed, a paper, piece of Lavender cake and a sensation which is probably similar to a frontal lobotomy.

77 thoughts on “Slice of life and a cake”

  7. This. is. AWESOME. You just can’t make up the small-town mentality, you really can’t. This reminds me of how people chat in the hardware store in our town, one of the three shops here. Just raaaaandom chat over nuthin’ at all. Somehow everyone knows everyone–except me. The boys are probably known, though…. 😉

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    1. Thank you so much. I’m sure they think I am most odd as well. That’s the thing you will never know how much they talk about you, it’s always about someone else. Once I thought they might be talking about me while I was in the shop, so I listened. After a minute realised they were talking about a knackered Heifer in the farm…..

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  11. You just couldn’t make this stuff up!! ( I wished i could – i might get more visits/commenters to my blog ! 😉 ).

    Love your level of self-restraint displayed.

    Give my regards to Janice – tell her Novak says “Hi”! 😉

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      5. Never into Cook and Moore, though they had their moments, and of course we had Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy. Little and Large and Cannon and Ball came in later years. Loved Eric and Ernie. Yeah, sigh, those were the days.

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  17. What a gorgeous view in that picture!
    Your experience at the store is quite comical. Why am I picturing the store person as a small, elderly man with lots of grey hair? Experiment time….see how long it takes for the cake to become moldy. Maybe you two could make a guess…jellybean challenge??

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      3. Hah! For just a minute there I was afraid you would come back and tell me that she was a twenty-something blonde bombshell! Green trousers … with, perhaps, a purple shirt? Oh, and by the way, how was the lavender sponge cake?

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  19. OMG! LOL!

    “She looked like she was chewing a wasp.” LMAO! I’ve never heard that saying, before.

    A few years ago, I had a local chocolatier bring me some of his ‘accidents’. His kitchen was two doors down from the store I was working in. I loved all of his mistakes…except one. He brought in blemished truffles with lavender. “What do you think?” “I think I just ate a piece of dark chocolate that got lost in my underwear drawer.” Lavender is nice in the bathtub, in the chest of drawers and in handsoap. I don’t want to eat it. Yuck.

    “I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”

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