Grief sneaks up on you. It often doesn’t attack head on – when you can brace yourself for impact. The big hits are the attacks from behind – the ones you don’t see coming. That song on the radio, an unexpected find, a hidden photograph, a surprise film scene.
In the U.K. Mothers Day is fast approaching. It’s not an easy day to get through but it’s no surprise. You have weeks to prepare. It won’t be fun but I guess it won’t be a complete meltdown. I suspect I will blog further on this again.
Taking the dog for a walk in the local Arboretum. It’s a lovely relaxing place. I was using the walk to get my head round a work problem. The mad dog was happy – a dog and an Arboretum full of thousands of trees …. Pup Heaven.
So I was in autopilot. Just following Captain Chaos from tree to tree. Starting to form a viable fix to the work problem. Then I stopped dead in my tracks. A sudden realisation of location. A sudden sinking heart. Suddenly hit by a sneaky grief attack.
In autopilot mode I had drifted into one particularly beautiful area. During autumn a place glowing with silver leaves. A place my partner would repeatedly visit. I can see her face smiling at the view. A place where she wants part of her ashes scattered. A flood of tears and complete despair. I feel very old and so very alone.
But thankfully for my sanity I have designated role. Our Son needs me. He deserves the best childhood possible. So I let the dog pull me away from the area to a particularly exciting unmarked giant Tree.
Put away the tissue. Breathe. Refocus. That wave of grief has passed but I know that the tide will return.
I feel the same in many ways. Grief is a sneaky little booger. No matter how I try not to attach grief and pain to certain dates it always sneaks in.
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It so does. xx
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Just try to ride it as best as you can. Deep love must in many ways be like an ocean. Would we try to tell the ocean to always be at peace or calm with no waves? How can we? We are born to feel… I cant imagine the depths and bredths of your own particular sorrow as it is unique to you. I can only say I hear you and painful as it is its good to feel it but its also a challenge not to get stuck. Sending love your way. You must feel so alone at times. There are no adequate words really. ❤
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Thank you. Just feeling that people are listening helps. Reading blogs like yours help so much.
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I am so glad. I feel so close to you even though we have never met. ❤
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Thank you, you to.
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Grief is real and has no time expiration. Keep letting them flow in the form of leaky eyes. ❤️
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It is the only way. Thanks. xx
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I am so very sorry…sending big hugs your way!
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Thank you so much. Hugs are always nice. xx
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You’re most welcome.
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:*(
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So sorry!
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Thank you. It’s ok today.
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Hugs Gary xxxx
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Sending lots of hugs back Lorraine. Hope the bird calls are particularly beautiful today. xxxx
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So sorry for the blows sneaky grief brings. Your blog followers are all with you, keep blogging it.
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Thank you so much.
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You have got your cooping mechanism in place. It always takes time to dull the pain of loss.
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I’m lucky that I seem to be able to get out of the trough must days, many folks can’t.
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Exactly. When you look at the plus, the negative recedes into the background.
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I don’t know what to say… 💔❤
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You don’t need to say anything, just being there really helps. xx
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Always ❤
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Thanks
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That is a very beautiful place Sir. Your wife has excellent taste.
Sounds like you DO have it together… as much as anyone who’s ever been in your situation can. I am thankful that, so far, i have not been – and at my age it’s looking hopeful (kinda?) I will not.
We cannot avoid grief – not so long as we love things in this life. The option of having no grief and also no love in life is not one i would ever choose.
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Grief is just part of life. Whether that’s a family member, partner, son or daughter, friend, pet. Sadly it finds us all sometime.
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Indeed! The trick is to be able to find some sort of perspective on it that lets you function and interact with others – there’s safety in numbers. 🙂
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It is an advantage to have responsibilities, sometimes. Hope it gets easier, eventually.
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I’m sure it will.
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The blessing of your son – I know that one
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I bet you do sir, more than most people.
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🙂
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Thinking of you, sending big hugs xx
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Thanks Robyn, your hugs and kind thoughts really do help. Hope you are ok. xxx
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Comes in waves………..but I’m finding the waves get smaller. It does not mean I love or miss him less. I’m just learning how to cope without him. Something I NEVER thought I’d be able to learn…..
March 20th was our 3rd wedding anniversary. I never got to celebrate our first with him. He died 4 months/2days after we married. It doesn’t sneak up on me like other days do. I’ve just learned to cope and move on because this crippling grief is no way to live.
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That must be so tough for you. I am pleased the waves are getting smaller.
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It is tough, considering I lost 2 Aunties, my brother and a 5 classmates in the last 5 years, too
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That’s tough.
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It’s been a rough few years. Lost some ‘other mom’s and dad’s’ too.
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Let’s hope you have a better few years now.
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I don’t see that happening……
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No
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Grief is indeed sneaky. ‘Doughnut machines’ in the fields, Dulux dogs, the film Jaws, home grown horesradish. Sharp and painful at first, but it does ease. The tears are always there though, even if they’re not shed. ❤ ❤ Will be lighting a candle for my Mum in Sunday.
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Thinking of you. xx
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I have never experienced the level of grief you are experiencing, so I cannot comment other than to tell you to hang in there, but that sounds so trite, doesn’t it? You do have your son who needs you more than ever, and believe it or not, you have a life ahead of you … it’s just hard to see at the moment. I care. And I’m sending you a big HUG! Try to find a reason to smile today, okay?
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I find looking at Trumps hair brings a smile… But thank you so much for caring.
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Really??? His hair makes me run for the bathroom 🤢 Of course I care … and obviously so do many of your readers. I only wish I had magical words, but as so often happens, I haven’t.
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Beautifully written. I am so sorry for your ongoing loss.
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Thank you so much
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Grief is a horrible ninja – you never know when or where it will strike. Sending much love and prayers for your peace and comfort.
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Thanks. Yes it is ninja like.
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I’m so sorry. Give this song a listen, when you have a chance. https://youtu.be/LjF9IqvXDjY
Hugs.
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It’s brilliant. She has a lovely voice. xx
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I’m glad you like it. It helps me get through the tougher days. Take care. xx
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These little things are so important. Without them like would be so bleak. Hope you are a bit better today. I keep thinking about your Don’t Drink That post. It really was good. Look after yourself. xxx
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Agreed. Today is one of my better days, thank you. Awe, thank you; that really means a lot! You do the same dear. xxx
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Thanks xxx
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Oh yes. Grief’s a right bastard some days. I try to make the goal building new memories with the old. When all we have are the memories we wish to return to, we forget about the new ones we can build, ones that we can enjoy in the here and now. So often little hands and little laughters can help with that. xxxxxxxxxx
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Grieving is a process. It’s a series of floods and pauses. The floods grow shorter, the pauses, longer. Eventually, the memories shift from the flood side (the blind side) to the pause side (up front, personal, in your face & you smile because you knew them). When the pain subsides, the memories keep them close to you. “She’s not really gone. She’s just in the next room. I will see her, again…in a few…”
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I’m so sorry. The surprise sucker punches are the worst as there is absolutely no way to prepare for them or know when they will happen.
Cherish the memories.
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So true got to cherish the moments
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I can so relate. Hope the heaviness has lifted some.
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It comes and goes.
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It does help to have responsibilities to keep you moving forward. Prayers for you and your family!
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Thank you so much.
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I feel you, Brother. Those sneak attacks are the worst. Blessings.
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They so are.
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I’m so sorry for this. Your son is so blessed to have such a loving parent.
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Thank you
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This is so true. I lost my sister, suddenly, 3 years ago and those days when the grief creeps in and punches me in the guts are rough. Yet, we cry, remember, and get up, eventually, to face another day. Love and light to you💛
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I am so sorry. But you are so right. x
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