This muddy pool has history.

A few years back I was crouched next to it trying to point out a dragonfly. My old treadless walking boots and a muddy bank are a perfect match. Much laughing as Dad falls headfirst into the stinky soup.

It makes you look more like a Neanderthal”


Looking back at my life it’s probably my only really useful talent. Being the hapless butt of so many put downs.

While batting in a cricket match against my former team filled with friends the bowler sledged me with the immortal line “Can I borrow your face will my bum goes on holiday for a few days”

In the same match another bowler shouted as he got me out “Don’t worry old boy. a lot of people don’t have talent”

A football referee (and friend) said when he was going to book me for a foul “I can’t seem to remember your name, please don’t help me. I’m just going to write down numpty”

Another time remember climbing a crag in Scotland when I heard a shout below from my one of my climbing partners “You have the poise of a one legged mountain goat”. Followed by another voice shouting “Looking up at your butt will haunt me for years, it’s that big it’s got its own climate”

At the local fun park ticket office (and very full) my very young son announced to the crowd “This is my Dad he is a Muppet”

At school when asked about what looks or personality they got from each parent our son said “in the case of my dad thankfully it’s just his eyelashes”

At an airport passport checkpoint as the Officer looked at my passport son said “yes my dad does look a bit suspicious but don’t worry he’s just from Yorkshire”

At son’s nursery a young boy asked how old I was. When I told him his face filled with wonder and he just said “Wow” – even the young join in….

Just too many to mention. But you get the point.

I will say this quietly. But I do enjoy it so much. It’s nice to see people laugh. It’s nice occasionally to feel like you are the centre of attention. It is also reassuring that no one is going to be offended – certainly not me as I am so used to it.

78 thoughts on “Muddy Pool

  1. “My dad does look a bit suspicious but don’t worry he’s just from Yorkshire”

    Yep there’s something about Northerners that makes us look either hard-nut troublemaker or just gormless idiots.
    Last weekend I revisited my old haunts and riding grounds after a friend’s Aunt found old photographs and newspaper clippings from local shows and one included a photograph of me jumping a field gate on a horse I used to compete with. Apparently her Aunt looked at the photo and fondly remembered me as “A very interesting and promising young rider but her overall technique was proof if ever it were needed she had not once seen the inside of a schooling arena”

    Granted she was right and my riding style a little rough around the edges but I always got home in the quickest time and with the fewest penalties… 😉

    Also my brother was stopped and searched outside the US Embassy in London a few years ago under the Terrorism Act having been reported acting suspiciously. He’d taken Mum to get her passport and visa sorted so she could fly to New York and they arrived very early to make sure they were first in through the door when it opened. Had breakfast and mooched around a bit then my brother went back to the car to get her one of his thick hi-viz work jackets whilst they waited cos it was cold.

    He specifically told Mum to walk ahead but stay on the main road whilst he nipped to the car for a jacket but having already been clocked and watched for some time by surveillance, the police swooped, stopped and questioned him about what he was up to. He explained and gave them Mum’s details, full name and was held there whilst another two officers on bikes went to go find her

    They pulled up and collared her asking if she was familiar with the name of Mr____” and Mum tutted loudly and threw her arms up “Oh for Goodness sake… I only nipped in to grab a bloody newspaper!!”

    She thought my brother had got a panic on when she wasn’t on the main road and sent the police looking for her. The police looked momentarily bewildered then amused and radioed the other lot still holding my brother and basically said not to worry the “suspects” were just Northerners 😀

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Sadly you are so true. They stories made me smile. Years ago when I went on boozy trips to France, I was the only northerner in the party and the only one who got repeatedly stopped. I remember our party had massively overdone the duty free. The others took the wine through customs and I took the Toberone Chocolate through – guess who was the only one to get stopped.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Oh you are kidding?! They tend to pick out and search any / all related chocolate, coco and coffee to be fair because it makes drugs easier to conceal. They just maybe went TOBLERONE GUY 11 O’CLOCK NAB HIM!! 😀

        My husband was thrown out of a bar with a load of idiots years ago that had started kicking off and had to be “rescued” and dragged back in by door staff.

        What made them even think he might have been with them I’ll never know cos Mark is the most stereotypical “Colin Firth” type gent that stands out a mile amongst pub full of hooligans.

        He got a few free pints out of it though so all’s well.. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

  2. You two would make a great double act! 🙂 🙂 🙂

    “More…?” 😉

    I’m actually amazed you can recall them all so easily – I’d be doing my darndest to forget them? (But it does make for a magnificent and hilarious blogpost).

    If it makes you feel any better… I was once at a bowling alley with a few friends and was lining up my shot. I was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. My ‘mate’ Barry pipes up with: “Imagine having those things shoved up yer Ar$e!” He was referring to my slightly slender and hairy legs!!

    The world needs laughter…. and Clowns! 🙂

    You’re Invaluable.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I understand what you are saying.

    As two disabled people, both in wheelchairs, my husband and I have had certain comments made.

    Such as:

    Here come the two reprobates (in church)

    Wagons ho (as we made our way together up the aisle of the church, my husband going backwards and facing me so he could guide me in my power chair because I am blind)

    Get through that doir quicker or I’ll beat you with my sticks (when I as a blind person was trying to negotiate my way through some double doors at church, holding one opencwith one hand and propelling my power chair forwards with the other, my hand on the joystick)

    Oh, you need a bib don’t you ( when eating at a church function)

    Here comes the chariot race

    You’ll never get on like that

    Come on, you’re hokding us up. We’re going to be here all day

    When you have been poked fun at as a child these things run deep. But like you, Gary, we learn to laugh at ourselves I guess. But sometimes, just sometimes, it hurts. I get you xx


      1. That sounds a really goid idea Gary. I must admit that for myself, such comnents have hurt, and for a while led to a collapse of confidence in an already difficult situation. NO ONE should ever be made fun of, or the butt of jokes. Especially about things that we cannot help. We had better choise a colour Gary.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. You have unique baking abilities Gary, I would never have thought of the flavour combinations you came up with, and as for creating black holes through baking – I am sure NASA would be willing to pay a fortune for your know-how!

        See now I feel terrible for jumping on the teasing band-wagon.

        The reality is you are an awesome man daily dealing with challenges that require huge strength. I am sure everyone would agree you are in the awesome Dad category.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. Oh the things kids and adults come up with, at times funny other times – not so much. Like when in grade school, some used to whisper Ana-banana, I still get a tad offended, just because anything outside my name is a bit rude. Or maybe I’m just too sensitive. Nevertheless, I’ve never looked at a banana the same since 😳🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I admire your ability to laugh at such events. It is a wonderful personality trait. I also love that you share these moments with the rest of us. Your posts bring a smile to my face.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Memories are interesting things, aren’t they? It never ceases to amaze me how a memory popping into the mind has the ability to affect emotions on such a grand scale.

    You are definitely talented. I enjoy reading your blog very much 🙂 And, I know you have many more talents outside of writing and making people laugh.

    Wishing you the very best & a beautiful, blessed day ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have a similar issue. Last year at school on World Book Day I was dressed as Iron Man with a proper mask and everything. The children thought it was great, my colleagues thought it a bit strange. (How can they say I’m strange while dressed as the radish pokemon!) Anyhow, during afternoon play I was on playground duty and one of the children, we’ll call him Captain America, came flying up to me. “Miss! I wish it could be World Book Day tomorrow as well!”
    “That would be brilliant” I replied, “I could come as Wonder Woman tomorrow!”
    He stood still looking at me. “No you couldn’t, you’re too fa…. I mean you’re not exactly the right shape.”
    We both laughed.
    I really love the honesty of children.

    Liked by 1 person

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