3.30am (Yesterday)

Dad I’ve had a nightmare. The Great Heathen Army came looking for me. They keep swarming over the hills towards us”

That time during the night is not the optimum time for my brain to discuss Norse Armies. Especially ghost ones. But parents find ways, especially when they are beyond tired. You just want the best for your kids. It’s tough when you see them distressed.

What weapons did they have.

Blood covered swords, hammers and axes

Ok now imagine them with some silly weapons. Something like sticks of rhubarb.


Perfect. What are they wearing

Viking clothes”

No make them wear something silly, sillier the better. The least scary thing you can think of.

Summer dresses”

Perfect. Did you see the Viking Leader.

Yes he was massive. A fearsome warlord.”

Would he be so fearsome if I was the warlord.

Your not massive or fearsome”

That’s the point.

Dad you will need a name. Your version of Erik the Red, Snake in the Eye, Forkbeard or Ivar the Boneless”

Ten minutes later much laughter. Some of the names are unprintable. But

  • Erik has lost the remote control
  • Halfdan Apple Crumble Slayer
  • Bagpuss the soft furry one with fleas
  • Ubba the demon cook
  • Sigurd my pants are buried in the garden
  • Sven Fork Lightening Farter
  • Ivor Big Arse

Tonight a bit of silliness quelled the storm (or to be more precise the Ghost Viking Army). Son found sleep again. But it’s tough. Tough on kids stressed out. Tough on the patents. My batteries seem pretty flat. But that’s what you get when you sign up to be a parent.

Sleep won’t come for me but at least I can have some bizarre daydreams about me being a Viking warlord, running over the Yorkshire hills in my finest summer dress armed with a stick of rhubarb and a banana. Now that is the stuff of nightmares.

92 thoughts on “Nightmares

  1. You are such a great parent! What an awesome way to help him! I may have to try this with my kiddos next time they have a nightmare.
    I have no idea what you look like, but might I suggest a blue sundress?

    Liked by 5 people

      1. I don’t enjoy rides so I didn’t. Ever since I had kids I have developed immense fears of being out of control and falling victim to some accident. When my big kids were smaller I tried to go on the swings with Bobby and had a panic attack up there. Fingers, toes, legs curled, holding on for dear life, completely unable to breath until the ride was over. I had thought that my swing would be the one to fly off and I would die some horrific death. May sound crazy – I’m sorry. My brain can really get the best of me at times. Anyway – after the swings incident I checked myself off of all future rides. AND THEN my friend I wrote about that I met Frank Black with when we were younger but since passed away – he passed away after going on roller coasters with his kids all day unaware he had a heart defect and died after having a stroke in his sleep that night. Heart issues run in my family so that is a double check mark on the “I will never go on a ride again” list.

        Sorry – long answer. Short answer – no. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Really sorry – shouldn’t have asked that. Best to be safe. I was always the one who happily held the bags and drinks when others went on them. Now when son goes in some of the rides I have to force myself to do them. Luckily they cost so much here that it’s a good excuse not go on them. Again sorry. xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh no! It’s fine. I could have kept my answer way shorter – I just let loose. Sorry about that! 🙂 I am the same – happy to be the drink/coat holder any day 🙂 xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m…I’m hoping so. Nothing bad, to be clear. One of those “how am I getting all this done in a few days” kind of weeks. But it will get done, for it must.
        Hope you’re doing ok too xxxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. You get so many of those weeks. But as you say it has to get done. You end up going into just get it done and worry about the details later mode. I’m going through one of those phases were the body and mind seems to be trying to fall to pieces. Just having to fire up the kettle and see what you can do. Yorkshire hugs flying across to Wisconsin for you. xxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Esp in moments like this when I realize I’m supposed to be attending a big conference on top of grading and teaching and writing and blah blah blah and yet another phone call from the school. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re not alone there dear friend! I must admit as a parent, I get very little sleep. It’s either interrupted sleep – mostly by my 4 year old needing to announce she must use the restroom, to too little sleep. These days coffee doesn’t even go too far, perhaps I just drink it out of habit more than anything. Doctors always want to remind us to get enough sleep, but I always wonder if they have young ones living in their homes. 🤔😎
    No worries, our sleep time will come. 😊

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Such a stroke of genius, all those ideas of yours have converted a fierce and frightening specter into a laughingstock. Good going. Hang in there you are doing great. Being a single parent is an arduous journey

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I tried that app long ago, never used it again. I always use my browser which is now Firefox. Safari just crapped out on my MacBook, iPad Air and iPhone 10!! No idea why but it sucks, I really like that browser too.

        Liked by 1 person

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