“Dad I’ve had a nightmare. The Great Heathen Army came looking for me. They keep swarming over the hills towards us”
That time during the night is not the optimum time for my brain to discuss Norse Armies. Especially ghost ones. But parents find ways, especially when they are beyond tired. You just want the best for your kids. It’s tough when you see them distressed.
What weapons did they have.
“Blood covered swords, hammers and axes”
Ok now imagine them with some silly weapons. Something like sticks of rhubarb.
Perfect. What are they wearing
No make them wear something silly, sillier the better. The least scary thing you can think of.
Perfect. Did you see the Viking Leader.
“Yes he was massive. A fearsome warlord.”
Would he be so fearsome if I was the warlord.
“Your not massive or fearsome”
That’s the point.
“Dad you will need a name. Your version of Erik the Red, Snake in the Eye, Forkbeard or Ivar the Boneless”
Ten minutes later much laughter. Some of the names are unprintable. But
- Erik has lost the remote control
- Halfdan Apple Crumble Slayer
- Bagpuss the soft furry one with fleas
- Ubba the demon cook
- Sigurd my pants are buried in the garden
- Sven Fork Lightening Farter
- Ivor Big Arse
Tonight a bit of silliness quelled the storm (or to be more precise the Ghost Viking Army). Son found sleep again. But it’s tough. Tough on kids stressed out. Tough on the patents. My batteries seem pretty flat. But that’s what you get when you sign up to be a parent.
Sleep won’t come for me but at least I can have some bizarre daydreams about me being a Viking warlord, running over the Yorkshire hills in my finest summer dress armed with a stick of rhubarb and a banana. Now that is the stuff of nightmares.