The Bog Garden needs some rain to become boggy again. Maybe soon as storms are forecast. It can’t be much fun being a bogless garden.

Making friendships can be difficult for our Son. Maybe it’s part of his Aspergers, maybe it circumstances, maybe it’s something else. He loves texting a cool friend but they are separated my thousands of miles. He doesn’t often get to meet up with kids his age. Son has come across a few really nice kids. They let him tag along sometimes. He does like the feeling of spending times with friends. I think we all need that somedays.

However the kids will often talk about the stuff they do. The meet-ups, the sleepovers, the trips, the clubs and birthday parties. Stuff he doesn’t get the chance to experience that often. That’s tough for a kid. Also after a while they often split into pairings and son tends to be left by himself. You see the kids walking in one direction and son heading by himself in another direction. I can tell when he comes back that he’s kinda sad. He’s so enjoyed the time with them but it does make him feel lonely. Today was a good example..

As he walked back slightly apart from two of the other kids I asked if he was ok.

“I think it’s time to go Dad. I’ve had fun and they have been very nice to me. But it was getting a bit awkward as they are best friends and wanted time to themselves. I could tell. It’s time to see my best friend my dog.”

I’m so pleased he is getting a bit of time with kids his age. But I get so down thinking about the wider picture for him. I really get how he feels for one very good reason.

I feel the same with my life. I get to link with a number of really close friends online but they are many many miles away. I occasionally get the chance to spend time with some really nice people. But they have their own life’s, their own close friend groups, their own families. I hear about the stuff they do, the holidays, the nights out, the meals, the parties, the romantic moments. I’m so pleased they get to do that stuff, they are such nice people that they deserve the happy times. But it’s stuff I don’t get to do anymore. A life I feel excluded from. That’s such a lonely and soul destroying feeling. I’m old and gnarled….. that’s just tough luck for me. BUT you just don’t want your kid(s) to experience the same feeling. All we can do is crack open a couple of sodas, hit the trampoline and see how many footballs our dog can destroy today. Time to try and forget stuff.

70 thoughts on “Bogless Garden”

  1. Today must be one of those days…..I read your post and my heart broke for your son. And for you having to see this and know that there is really nothing that you can do. And pets are many a person’s best friend. They always listen without judging. Cuddle when they want to but we don’t know we do. Licking your face when you cry. Doing the happy dance or waiting at the door for you when you come home. Hugs to you and your son.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  2. My son is similar but in the last couple of weeks an old friend from his time at school has a appeared back on the scene after his mum contacted me to tell me he was being home educated. Someone said to me once nothing is ever permanent and I find it helps to remember things can change as time passes, just because he hasn’t found his soul friend yet doesn’t mean he never will and likewise for you (and for me) kids aren’t around\dependent forever so plenty of time for socialising again later. In the meantime aside for his canine friend has a dad who makes him laugh and shares his joys and sorrows and you have a son to do the same for you. Not everyone has such a great parent child bond, that is a blessing and good practice for making friends later on too. Think of it as a dry spell like the bog garden!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

      1. I know, it gets you too very time when it’s your child but things can change in the blink of an eye for them even more so than for us. I have worried for my son in so many ways only for things to turn around completely.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Bogless Garden – A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. – International Badass Activists

  6. It’s so hard to watch our kids struggle. It’s even harder to feel like *we* have left the easy days behind us. I’m holding space for you while you work through this painful patch. 💛

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  7. Online friendships can be meaningful too. Some of my best conversations have happened online. It doesn’t replace the physical relationships but it can fill a bit of a void at times. That’s for the adult. The child will find his way under your guidance and experience. ❤

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  8. I’ve often felt on the fringe too. Especially at places I have worked. I was part of the group that went on break, ate lunch together, etc., but I would sit there and hear all the stuff they did together outside of work which I was never invited to and feel left out and sad. I hid it from them like I always do, but the feelings were real nonetheless.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

      1. I often have wondered what it is that makes me on the outside. I know some of these people liked me as a person. I wonder if maybe I gave off vibes that I didn’t like to go out? Maybe they honestly thought I wouldn’t be interested? And if that is the case, are they right? Because when I am invited to social events I often feel like it is a duty I have to fulfill rather than a joy. It is very confusing.

        Liked by 2 people

  10. Oh gosh that is tough. Declan had a similar issue yesterday. He was so happy on the street as he was playing with the kids and he pointed out to me “I am being nice. I am not hitting them and things are going great.” But then they told him he could not join their group and it broke both our hearts. He wants to socialize and it is so hard for him to be included. For me, I don’t really like socializing – but I would if I felt as isolated. I feel for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  11. So, so much truth to this. I love chatting here, but in the physical life? Even here, genuine friends are hours away, leading their own lives, doing things I could never do.
    As for kids…yeah. I still tear up when I drop the boys off at school– one desperately chases a group of hoodlums to belong while the other rambles along the sidewalk, not even trying to connect with anyone. We just gotta hope, and pray, and do our best.

    With lots of hugs. xxxxxxxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. That’s all we can do. Try to be the best we can be for the kids. I’ve got it easy. You are getting pulled in so many different directions. It’s amazing you keep going. But somedays it feels like the walls to your house become prisons and they start to close in on us. It’s hard to explain to some people on the outside of the walls. Having that feeling of being so far from friendly faces makes it so much worse. Hugs to you my good friend. xxxxxxxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I JUST went to a meeting about this very thing, the highs and lows of the virtual office–many of my teaching comrades at the university do it virtually, too, so there was lots of commiserating about how working from home is both awesome and awful sometimes. We find our rhythms in time 🙂
        Hugs back! xxxxx

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Ha! I actually ate Biff’s bunny (he never eats them, only kit kats, so those are totally offlimits which is a shame because i love those) and felt a little sick after. Scarfing it down probably didn’t help 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Sending you both such loving and happiness. I hear your sadness. My mom used to brighten everyone’s day with saying, Good morning Sunshine. Sharing it in case this is assistful for you. Blessings and a pet to your dog. ~Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. I can say that, with few exceptions, i vastly prefer my own company to that of most people i have met and got to know for any length of time. I’m probably weird that way? 😉

    So – given i am no expert on finding and keeping non-line friends, allow me to give you some free advice on how to get some! 🙂 (It’s worth every penny!)

    You don’t go and find people you can make friends with or hang around hoping to join their groups, No, you do things that make you feel good and let everyone see what a good time you are having and then they will want to come and join your group! If you like them you can let them be your friend. Otherwise you tolerate them as best you can. 😉

    It can be (very) difficult when you want to be like ‘everyone’ else… but you are not.

    Being unique means getting to experience unique situations – go with what you got! 😉

    I would add one more thing…. sometimes i ( ie everybody) tend to focus on what we are missing out on in our lives, wishing we could change that, and it can bring us down. At those times it is advisable to put the principle of Balance into our thinking and realise that the things we have that we are grateful for now could just as easily be taken away from us as they could be added to, and thereby realising that we should probably be glad and grateful rather than wishing life was different to what it is.

    No-one said life was supposed to be easy. But there are, and will be again, times we get to enjoy it… if we ever stop worrying long enough. 🙂

    Hang in there Champ! 🏆

    Like

    Reply

  14. Yes I have never had many people I was close to. But I have recently had occasion to wonder how much of it was me. I am aware that if my health issues increase I would be better off if I am in a retirement village.Discussing the nearest one to me I learned that the studio apartments are the ones I could afford. There is a huge long row of them and I found myself worrying that I would not get the privacy which I get in my own flat, which I do enjoy. How much me time do I need ?

    Like

    Reply

  17. I have few friends. Most folks my age have kids, grandkids, jobs, lives that they splay all over FB (when I was there). Everyone is involved in something. My life is at a standstill.

    The good news is, whatever I’m missing out on, I am unaware of it. All I can do is pilot my own boat, such as it is.

    I feel for him. I was awkward as hell at his age, even without the Asperger’s.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  18. I think school is the hardest especially when there are loads of kids who don’t like the same things or understand the things you feel passionate about. I think being an adult does get a bit easier – ok you might have to work with people with whom you don’t have so much in common, but the internet can make it easier to find your people – either locally or miles away.

    Also – dogs are the best! I don’t have one right now, but although they’re not people, I often think they are less complicated than people! I know it’s not the same, but it’s a special kind of friendship with a dog.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  19. Pingback: Bogless Garden — A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. – Rexton digital

Leave a comment