Another day, another strange smelly thing to roll in, another bath.

I was talking to a very wise blogger and a new game popped into my head. It’s a game Son and I played as we waited for a Doctors appointment.

This started by slagging off the U.K.’s Secretary of State for the Environment (god help it) – Michael Gove. I talked about sending a letter just marked ‘To the worlds slimiest man” and it would be delivered to Gove.

So you have to send a letter to a famous person. But you can’t use their name or address. How do you ensure the postman knows where to deliver the letter.

Son – To the smelliest dog in the world. Letter would be delivered to our very own Captain Chaos.

Me – The Buffoon. Letter delivered directly to Boris Johnson (a clown masquerading as a U.K. politician and potential future PM)

Son – The Orange One. Letter straight to President Trump

Me – Current address unknown previous address Ecuadorian Embassy. Julian Assange

Son – America’s Bottom. Avengers spoiler can’t reveal answer

Me – Most overrated rock star ever. Delivered to Bono

Son – Useless, incompetent, stubborn and generally not very nice. Goes straight to the UK Prime Minister

Son – To the worlds nicest man. Sent to Sir David Attenborough.

Me – Returning this App to sender as its crap. Delivered to the developers of WordPress for the iPad.

Son – Darth Sidious, The Sith Lord. Postman delivers to Senator Palpatine, If the postman can see this why can’t Yoda.

Me – Rubbish Film Script. Will arrive at the offices of the Star Wars Movie Director

Son – Package contains cockroaches. Urgent delivery to Bear Grylls

Me – Missing Tax Return. Another one being delivered to Trump

Son – Most overrated footballer ever. Letter straight to David Beckham

Son – To the worlds worst chef. Delivered to Dad

Son – To a muppet. Delivered to Dad

Me – Just F******g deliver it. Straight to Gordon Ramsey

Can you think of some new ones…..

76 thoughts on “Deliver it….”

  3. I love this post of the answers you and your son came up with and a great game.

    I can only think of one and that’s regarding a missing tax return but sending it to HMRC is where I’d like to send it. Or maybe if not that, a huge electric bill to HMRC. 🙂

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  7. Fun game and to think about. It will be on my mind tonight (especially since I am taking Cate to see the Avengers movie – can’t wait to discover the reference!)

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  8. Good game to play at home or away.
    Over rated footballer would go to Paul Gasgoigne IMO
    OTT media coverage goes to an ex American actress (I know, I’m not very nice but I’m fed up with it)

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    1. I remember watching Gazza every when he was a young lad at Newcastle. One Saturday took my mum so she could look at the shops while I went to the match. She popped into a news agents to buy something. She bumped into gazza as he was buying a mars bar – he only had about 40 mins before the match started. He gave mum a huge smile.

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  11. “Dear Gorgeous” – straight to Goldfinch over in Adelaide, Australia
    “To the Little Lady with the Big Smile who loves baking, cleaning, ironing, karaoke, hiking and swimming” – that’s me…but I am not little. I am 5 foot 8 inches, only Goldfinch (at 6 foot 1 inch) calls me “Little Lady”.

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      3. It does make me feel safer though 🙂

        Well…I got myself into a right flap over the course of last week. Too many things to sort out before I go. But I have sorted out some things, and others I will have to think about later.

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      5. The only reason why I have not…is that it would annoy me having a big suitcase in my hallway to trip over. I am still separating clothes that I want to take with me.

        I just want to be there already. This time before waiting is just making all sorts of scary thoughts come into my head. Planes crashing, me being lost in the transit airport, losing my luggage, Goldfinch getting the dates I arrive mixed and forgetting he has to worrk overseas….my thoughts are bullying me terribly!

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  13. Darth Sidious was brilliant! I mean, like, Duuhh!

    Not sure May has those qualifications uniquely – there may be some confusion, wouldn’t you say? 🙂

    How about: To the D’Oh! one – straight to H Simpson, Springfield.
    To the lady on the stamp. – do i really have to explain? 😉
    The man whose nose grows and grows – D Trump, POTUS
    The Rocket Suit Guy – T Stark c/- T Stark Enterprises.
    The world’s sexiest sexagenarian – yours truly! 😉
    Yorkshire’s greatest Dad – the guy who looks at you in the mirror!
    (I was going to say world’s greatest, but this is basically the same thing and i did not want to give you a swollen head!) 🙂

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    1. D’oh would go directly to a beyond legendary cabinet minister called Chris Graylin. Never has a person been so promoted beyond his capabilities. If you want a laugh look up his repeated screwups. Yet he is still in a position of power because he is good friends with May.

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      1. I think every Irish person has a “the awkward time I tried to avoid Bono” story. My sister’s is the time she was modelling for a charity gig and needed to use the toilet and walked in on him taking a shit! You’d have thought he’d have bothered locking the door!!

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  17. You and your son made me laugh! Great game.

    Some of mine…

    To ‘Tall, Thin MP with a grindingly posh voice…’ – Jacob Reece Mog

    To ‘Great Guitarist, and Animal lover with wild hair!’ – Brian May

    To ‘Man who bravely fights against death threats to protect animals.’ – Chris Packham

    To ‘Wacky looking old woman who designs dresses and fights for equal rights.’ – Vivien E Westwood

    I’m sure there are thousands… Great game for the posties!

    They’d get this one…

    To Fat Man with white beard and red suit carrying sack! 🎅

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  19. I disagree! The world’s nicest man would be Sir Michael Palin. He’s so nice that Eric Idle (another Python) gets confused with him by some fans, so he makes a point of saying, “Yes, I’m Michael Palin. Now f- off.” Just to mess with Michael’s nice-reputation. 🙂

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  20. Hope & Change…an empty envelope followed by Fake Birth Certificate and Missing Columbia Paperwork. They will all arrive at the same place.

    W, 9/11 and Patriot Act would wind up in the same place.

    I Had Reagan Shot & I Helped JFK Die would both be delivered to Hell.

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