We returned to Doris.

https://bereavedsingledad.blog/2019/04/22/doris/

Doris is starting to flower but is increasingly having to fight for space with other competing plants. It just shows that life and the world moves on – with or without you. On my god have I just quoted Bono and U2. I thought I was messed up but not that messed up. Recently my mind has been trying to take me back to time when the world was warm, safe and happy. Good memories but it’s no more – gone for good. Now I’m quoting a Shins song (but at least it’s not Bono).

My mind is going back because it’s my partners birthday soon. It’s never an easy time. The pain doesn’t really ease over time. You get better at hiding it. A forced smile covers so many demons. The world is still very cold and very lonely without her. Heaven so far awaythat’s an Offspring song (certainly not Bono).

To help with the pain we have tried to celebrate the day. Do something special. Make it a celebration daya Led Zeppelin song (on a different level to U2).

Last year I saw the most wonderful birthday card which she would love. For a few brief seconds I was heading to the cashier before the reality check. She’s not here anymore. We did buy some flowers she would have loved and put them next to her ashes. Hopefully a kiss from a rosenow it’s a Seal song (better than U2)

The year before we tried to release a balloon with her name on it. After several attempts it’s longest flight was about 10 yards – a flight to nowhere. Now I’m quoting a Tesla song (so much better than U2).

So what to do this year. Still haven’t decided. Let’s see how we rolland we have an Alvin and the Chipmunks song (yes still better than U2).

The irony is that my partner really liked U2. I’m in so much trouble – that’s a Whitesnake Classic.

****************************************

Forgive my flippancy. Today was not a great day. A bit down. Eventually I bumped into someone who I hadn’t seen in a while. Although I wasn’t feeling great I still smiled when I said HI. The person responded by saying ‘so pleased to see you smiling it’s great that you are in a better place”. One smile hiding the truth. People who are suffering are still able to force a smile. They can do things like insert some random comments to entirely mask the real mood. Hide the pain.

****************************************

We returned to Doris.

https://bereavedsingledad.blog/2019/04/22/doris/

Doris is starting to flower but is increasingly having to fight for space with other competing plants. It just shows that life and the world moves on – with or without you. Recently my mind has been trying to take me back to time when the world was warm, safe and happy. Good memories but it’s no more – gone for good.

My mind is going back because it’s my partners birthday soon. It’s never an easy time. The pain doesn’t really ease over time. You get better at hiding it. A forced smile covers so many demons. The world is still very cold and very lonely without her. Heaven so far away.

To help with the pain we have tried to celebrate the day. Do something special. Make it a celebration day.

Last year I saw the most wonderful birthday card which she would love. For a few brief seconds I was heading to the cashier before the reality check. She’s not here anymore. We did buy some flowers she would have loved and put them next to her ashes. Hopefully a kiss from a rose.

The year before we tried to release a balloon with her name on it. After several attempts it’s longest flight was about 10 yards – a flight to nowhere.

So what to do this year. Still haven’t decided. Let’s see how we roll.

46 thoughts on “Return to Doris

  1. This must be a very difficult time for you. You realize right that there is no time line for grief? That some days it will be manageable while others will feel as though you are being overwhelmed. I am not sure where you have your partner’s ashes however if you have her somewhere close to you, buy that card and place it next to her. Take yourself and your son out for dinner/lunch at her favorite restaurant. Have cake for her. How you celebrate her birthday is up to you and do not allow anyone to tell you that you are dwelling or need to move on. You will decide that course of action. Know that there are those who ‘see’ (read read) what you are going through and we reach out because we care. You do not always have to smile and pretend things are ok because for you they are not. And anyone who cannot accept that well………hugs

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I honestly cried reading this… I can only imagine the pain. I cant fathom what your loss is as I have only lost parents and a sibling but I can feel the depth in this. Really wouldn’t it just be good if someone saw more deeply, just reached out and gave you a hug (probably highly inappropriate boundary wise). Birthdays will be so painful for you with the loss of the one whose heart was so so special to yours. Sending so much love to you and virtual hug (crap substitute, I know 😦 )

    Liked by 3 people

      1. It’s not often I’m rendered speechless [with emotion.] I’m not sure whether that’s good or bad. It’s just the way it is!

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I remember Doris! But now i don’t think she’s a Penstemon? 😦 I’ll work on it.

    As for the more important question: Make her favourite meal – or buy one if it’s tricky and leave a place at the table.

    That is if a trip to Switzerland is out of the question.

    It’s the best i’ve got – sorry. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Well, in defense of U2, they have a good song on that Batman Forever soundtrack. I could be remembering wrong, but Bo said they could have done a James Bond theme, but chose Batman instead.
    We still have those moments here. Seeing some bizarre Star Trek thing, “Oh, Dad’d love that–” and then remembering. I guess that never really changes. Perhaps writing a note to her, getting some flowers, and then having a campfire out back so you can send the words and fragrance heavenward in the smoke…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Doris is looking rather beautiful. I find that your son’s sensitivity is so keen that he sees the beauty in things long before most people do… Like ladybirds on his desk. Your partner is still present in him… A physical connection as well as an emotional one. Why not let him choose how to celebrate her birthday? He will pick just the right thing that will help you both connect and enjoy the day together in fond memory. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Grief is a battle that can’t be won. It must flow through you at its own pace. I send my prayers to you for healing and comfort at a time when I know you can’t possibly see that they will show up again in your life. Hold on. Grieve. Celebrate and live one moment at a time.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I’m honestly sorry .. and I’ve lost my husband, but it’s been a while and my kids have grown ….

        Especially at festivities these all become even more difficult ….

        Time soothes pain … believe me … but scars stay forever ….

        Liked by 1 person

  7. A great post to come out of a sad day, it reminded me of my teenage years when I was young and in love with the man who became my husband, then 15 years and 4 children later sadly became an ex-husband. We were supporting U2 when they first started, going to concerts wearing matching t-shirts with BOY on the front. Love is so hard to loose whatever the reason and grieving takes a long time and can be a very lonely road when the rest of the world seems to forget our grief. I hope you find a special way to remember her together.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. 😀 The Offspring’s good.

    I don’t agree about forever hiding with smiles; at some point there’s more of a resolution. Not that the pain ever goes away but it’s not so crippling I suppose.

    Doris is looking good. 🌸

    Liked by 1 person

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