It seems a very long time ago. Days when I dreamed of being a parent. I really had not the first idea of what parenting was. No thoughts of tiredness, frustrations, sacrifices, battles, diagnosis, isolation, heartbreaks, bemusement and an empty wallet. Just visions of
- The moment of excitement when you find out that you are to be a parent
- The first gentle embrace with your little one
- Happy family holidays
- Fun packed Christmas mornings
- Those first steps
- A child doing so well and happy at school
- Frequent kiddies parties, playing with loads of friends and sleepovers
- Trips to the cinema with the kids sandwiched between two loving parents
- Your life continuing unabated as you perfectly share the small workload with your beloved partner.
This morning sat in my battered clothes fuelled on black coffee. Feeling knackered. Looking like crap. Battle worn. Thinking ‘what a prize naive numpty I was’. I might not be the finest example of a parent but at least I look like one now.
I really didn’t have the first idea about life and parenting. Would I have been so keen if I had been more switched on to reality….
“Dad can we have a movie marathon today”
Thoughts of Marvel, Tolkien, DC, Indiana, Bond, Mission Impossible. Losing myself in another world for a while.
“Great I’ve got the 4 DVDs ready”
Deep Joy. Alvin and the Chipmunks.
In all the wonderful parenting dreams that super annoying out of tune rodent never made an appearance. The little bushy tailed sod kept quiet until it was too late.
But although I resemble a badly worn zombie this morning. Even after all the bad things that have happened. All the sleepless nights. The worries. Regardless of the lost dreams.
Without a doubt – Parenting is the single best thing that will ever happen to me. That makes me smile.
Now it’s time drag my body out of this chair and take the dog for a walk. Talk about Alvin (sounding like he’s one of my favourite characters ever) while bracing myself against the wind and rain. Imagining the view over the Vale of York as it won’t be making an appearance anytime soon. AND Dream of tomorrow – preferably without Alvin.