It seems a very long time ago. Days when I dreamed of being a parent. I really had not the first idea of what parenting was. No thoughts of tiredness, frustrations, sacrifices, battles, diagnosis, isolation, heartbreaks, bemusement and an empty wallet. Just visions of

  • The moment of excitement when you find out that you are to be a parent
  • The first gentle embrace with your little one
  • Happy family holidays
  • Fun packed Christmas mornings
  • Those first steps
  • A child doing so well and happy at school
  • Frequent kiddies parties, playing with loads of friends and sleepovers
  • Trips to the cinema with the kids sandwiched between two loving parents
  • Your life continuing unabated as you perfectly share the small workload with your beloved partner.

This morning sat in my battered clothes fuelled on black coffee. Feeling knackered. Looking like crap. Battle worn. Thinking ‘what a prize naive numpty I was’. I might not be the finest example of a parent but at least I look like one now.

I really didn’t have the first idea about life and parenting. Would I have been so keen if I had been more switched on to reality….

“Dad can we have a movie marathon today”

Thoughts of Marvel, Tolkien, DC, Indiana, Bond, Mission Impossible. Losing myself in another world for a while.

“Great I’ve got the 4 DVDs ready”

Deep Joy. Alvin and the Chipmunks.

In all the wonderful parenting dreams that super annoying out of tune rodent never made an appearance. The little bushy tailed sod kept quiet until it was too late.

But although I resemble a badly worn zombie this morning. Even after all the bad things that have happened. All the sleepless nights. The worries. Regardless of the lost dreams.

Without a doubt – Parenting is the single best thing that will ever happen to me. That makes me smile.

Now it’s time drag my body out of this chair and take the dog for a walk. Talk about Alvin (sounding like he’s one of my favourite characters ever) while bracing myself against the wind and rain. Imagining the view over the Vale of York as it won’t be making an appearance anytime soon. AND Dream of tomorrow – preferably without Alvin.

89 thoughts on “When I dreamed”

      3. If you’ve been parenting via IKEA instructions, torch the manual, now. Or, cover it in dog food & let Captain Chaos have a go. With your high IQ son, lots of hugs & guessing would be better.

        Honestly, you are doing fine. You are a better man than I (forgetting that I am female). I’ve already stated that I couldn’t do what you do. You should have a cape of some sort…

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  4. I am reminded by this of one of my more favoured sardonic quotes:

    If you want to hear God laugh – tell him your plans for your future.

    Sweet Dreams….. although i have a suspicion a certain ultra-high pitched squeaking chipmunk might be paying you a visit in one of them. 🙉

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  7. I like Alvin but my daughter’s moved on to films like Five Feet Apart now and the Netflix series Riverdale, so no more singing cartoons for me – lots of angst and teenage sexual tension instead!

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  9. I agree that you summed it up well. What one thinks parenting is going to be and what it really is. And you are a good dad. I don’t think I could have sat through that much Alvin 🙂

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  11. The movie sacrifices we make for our children, that’s love. I can remember my parents allowing me to watch the same horrible movies over and over. My parents must have loved me a lot.

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  12. I don’t think anyone can honestly say that they knew what parenting would be like until reality bit.

    I’m not sure I could have sat through a whole Alvin and the Chipmunks film. It was bad enough when the twins discovered the Baby Shark song.

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  15. Well said. I have found that to be true for many tough life experiences I’ve gone through. I thought I understood when others told me about it from their own perspectives but I didn’t. 😉

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  17. You nailed it. NONE of us knew what we were asking for when we dreamed of parenthood. Not a single one of us. I firmly believe this (and the random warm snuggles our kids bestow on us) is what keeps the human race going.

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  18. Can’t say Alvin and the Chipmonks is my cup of tea. But I guess your son is reliving the harmony of innocence and fun when his mother was there to watch with him. Perhaps now, time to relegate them to the back of the cupboard. Hope you get some good sleep tonight. 😊

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  20. Not the chipmunks again! The kids enjoyed Early Man–that’s a recent film by the folks who did Wallace and Gromit. And tonight I showed the kids a childhood favorite of mine: The Secret of NIMH.

    And no, parenting is NEVER like we picture it. No one ever pictures losing all the hair, all those tears, all the everything. But every last sacrifice is worth it. xxxxxx

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      11. Thanks. He’s not *as* rebellious at home. I’ve nothing against his teacher–she really is doing her damndest, plus she has extra training in Special Ed–but there must be something at school, whether it’s another kid or something, that’s setting him off into Defiant-Mode. There’s a different child that was Bash’s classmate in 4K that was totally toxic with Bash–separate they were okay, but together he’d manipulate Bash into multiple rounds of deep trouble. We had to explain bullies and peer pressure to this little kid who just wanted a friend so badly he was willing to dowhatever that kid said.
        It’s all heartbreaking.
        But we grow, and we move on. xxxxxxxxx

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      12. Son takes everything is so literally. It so easy for others to get him to do stuff, even if deep down he thinks it’s s bad idea. Like B he just wants friends. Sometimes doing role play stories with his fav characters like Batman or Bumblebee helped get some messages across to him easier than my dry conversations. But it is so heartbreaking. So difficult as no straightforward answer. Once found it was a brightly coloured wall that was disrupting him. But that’s such a good way at looking at it – grow and move on. xxxxxxxxxx

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  22. I usually complain that I didn’t even PLAN on being a parent. I think it covers all my bases.

    Seriously, though, what a sweet post.

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