It’s been one of THOSE days AGAIN…..

I opened the curtains to be blessed with the site of bird poo on the window. When I say bird poo given the volume of the dropping I suspect it was a Pterodactyl. I opened up the next curtain to be blessed with a view of our lawn. Overnight we seem to have acquired 8 mole hills

Our mole is back and happily digging up the lawn. Strangely it’s always in parts of the lawn which haven’t previously been dug up by Captain Chaos. I had a quick look at my two neighbours gardens. Not a molehill insight – immaculate lawns. Why does the mole take out his vengeance on our grass.

I tried to make son breakfast. He asked if he could have a cup of tea. The new milk carton refused my polite attempts to open. I put increasing effort into the carton top until it opened – spectacularly. It was like oil exploding out of an oil wellhead. Clothes covered in milk. But at least a small amount of milk survived, just enough for a tea. An early morning clothes wash was required.

The washing machine decided regardless of which cycle option I selected it was going to do a 5 minute rinse and nothing else. That’s as much use as air conditioning in Yorkshire. I would check the warranty but that ran out 8 years ago.

Stuff this I’m off for a walk with the dog. Lovely walk and I decided to take the photo above. The photo doesn’t show my wet leg. Captain Chaos cocked his leg on a tree but somehow missed and splattered my leg. I made it back home…

The phone rang and as I ran to pick up the call. I gently tossed my tablet onto the sideboard. Clearly the sideboard has a polished surface with less friction than sheet ice. The tablet happily slid across the surface and fell down the gap at the back between the wall. This of course is an IKEA sideboard which is as easy to move as a sleeping elephant. It took me 30 minutes to edge the wooden colossus out 3 inches to rescue the skating tablet. All for a phone call asking if I wanted to replace my boiler with the help of a government grant. Knowing our government it would take 5 years to appear and it would end up being a Betamax Video Recorder.

I needed a coffee badly. So I made what looked like a world class cuppa in my favourite cup. I sat with work papers on my lap and went for my first sip of caffeine nectar. The cup dropped off the handle. I was sadly sat holding the forlorn handle with my papers, lap, clothes, chair, carpet and cat covered in coffee. The poor cat has been the subject of constant dog sniffing and licking ever since.

So 20 minutes later most of the stains and smell have been removed. With new clothes on I headed to the kitchen to make another coffee. Reaching for the coffee pot I accidentally knocked over a bottle (the only one without a lid on). Again I was covered in liquid. This time Apple Vinegar. Almost immediately the door bell rang and I rather damply greeted a lady asking if I was voting for her party in the election. Clearly from the twitching of her nose she was not keen on my new vinaigrette body fragrance.

So I tried to wash my clothes but since the washing machine is only rinsing today I now have wet clothes that smell of coffee and vinegar.

Son returned home and said he was starving. When I asked why he told me that I had forgotten to top up his online lunch fund so he had no money to buy a lunch. I truly felt awful.

So far today has been one of those days. Now I am about to make a cup of coffee. Wish me luck.

80 thoughts on “Still no coffee.

  1. Well that was an adventurous day for you…I am truly sorry to hear about all the, um, accidents. I hope you get a good night’s sleep and tomorrow will be a better day! (And yes, it was quite amusing the way you told us your story…you have a gift of story telling!) 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  2. If you rinse the clothes that have vinegar with the clothes that have coffee the vinegar might remove the coffee stains. Just a thought. Hope things get better and you get to enjoy drinking your next cup.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. PS What breed is Captain Chaos? I have a Springer in my mind’s eye for some reason and need to put a doggy face to the name 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but you seem to have more than your fair share of “those days”. And by my count, you are due for at least a few good days! It’s good that you can still laugh about it … erm … you ARE laughing, aren’t you? Hang in … tomorrow is sure to … be … better?

    Liked by 4 people

  4. You should gather up all your posts and make a book out of them. It wouldn’t require much editing. The mix of pathos and self deprecating humour will appeal to everyone has been in a similar position (all of us, at some point in our lives). I think it would be very successful.

    I imagine a lot of this happened due to sleep deprivation. The moles and Pterodactyl poo are just plain bad luck, but at least you can say that you have a wildlife garden.
    Hope today is a better one! 😉

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Wow! This is a bad day Gary.

    Your clothes have had milk, coffee and vinegar attack them all on a day when the washing machine is on strike.

    I am guessing this was all after a sleepless night too. Why is that the less sleep you have, the more things go wrong the next day?

    Liked by 4 people

  6. This seems like good material for a slapstick comedy! Oh dear – I hope your day gets much, much better (check the handle is secure on your cup before you pour coffee into it, for safety’s sake). Sending hugs, and more hugs, as it seems you need them at the moment.

    Liked by 4 people

  7. It sounds like my washing machine except mine would do a 14 minute rapid wash for 6 months! What a horrible day for you especially the dog!

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Clearly you were under the effects of some sort of planetary alignment. Maybe should have opted for nudity and styrofoam cups.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Wow! That must have been a really big, very important mirror you broke some time back!!!

    I just felt like i was dying for four days – you probably would have welcomed that as a preference??

    Hang in there Gonzo! (the Magnificent Ft Mr Crimble). 😉

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Even so – why would it pick the day so many other ‘disasters’ hit you??

        I’m struggling with what milk, coffee, apple cider vinegar and dog pee combined makes one smell like – no wonder that lady’s nose was twitchin’? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  10. When I observed a lunch hour at the new school, I saw the kids literally come in, eat, and have to leave in, like, ten minutes! They’re required to be outside for recess, but it takes them a while to reach the cafeteria. They have no time to eat, these kids…

    Liked by 2 people

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