At the start of the year our son agreed to try and visit at least 12 new places this year. Today was going to be one of those trips. A visit to a beach and weather worn castle. We were all set. Picnic packed. We made it to the car.

Dad I am really not happy about this. I can feel my stomach churning. Can I go on the toilet.

An hour later we called off the expedition. That’s the thing about Autism. You can’t make definite plans and stick to them. You need to be flexible. Bend with the wind. Sometimes you do turn up at an event or arrive at a destination. But you never relax. Never feel completely at ease. You see the other parents happily enjoying a drink or a chat seemingly oblivious to their children. That’s not our life. You feel apart from the others. Constantly circling the area looking for the first sign of problems. Always on edge waiting for something to happen. Car keys at the ready for that early escape.

Somedays you don’t even get out of the house or car.

After it happens son can be a bit down. Thinks he’s let me down. Trust me it’s his Dad who feels like he has let his son down.

So again we need cheering up. We need a distraction.

So we have a new game all thanks to our glorious new leader Barking Boris. This ones quick to play. Let’s see who many B words we can put in front of Boris.

Britain’s Boris

Brilliant Boris

Brainy Boris

Brexit Boris


Bonkers Boris

Bluffer Boris

Buffoon Boris

Bulbasaur Boris

Bigoted Boris

Babblative Boris

Bogus Boris

Bafflegab Boris

Beetlejuice Boris

Bauble-bearer Boris

Bum Boris

Buck Boris

Bankroll Boris

Bankrupt Boris

Barbie Boris

Blockhead Boris

Bellend Boris

Birdbrain Boris

Barney Boris

Bozo Boris

Bulls****er Boris

Silly Billy Boris

Beetroot Head Boris

Blackadder Boris

Blundering Boris

Bampot Boris

Bumblehead Boris

Bananas in Pyjamas Boris

Yes it worked. A couple of hours later we were playing football in the garden. When I say playing football it’s more retrieving the ball from next doors garden. Not quite a beach or castle. But it’s fun. It’s an Aspergers life. It’s our life.

Promise it will be a Boris Free zone for a while after this.

74 thoughts on “Boris starts with a B

  1. Funny that Claudette picked up on Beetlejuice too. I was gonna say you shouldn’t insult Beetlejuice that way.
    Home is the “safe zone” anywhere else needs an escape plan. They struggle so much! It’s our job to help and you’ve got this!👍💪

    Liked by 1 person

  2. What a great way to lift your spirits – i’m assuming the positive ‘B’s” were all his and those in italics are yours?? 🙂 (Smiles sweetly)

    While i would not call myself Autistic, actually i think i’m really pretty normal (although i may just be the only one who thinks so??), i can recall feeling the same as your son on a number of occasions when going to a ‘new’ place with my parents. The one i felt the very worst before arriving at was the place i enjoyed the most – i had a great night out at a theater restaurant when i was anticipating all kinds of horrors. (I had to dash for the toilets and nearly threw up before the show!)

    My question is though do you think his autism is the main issue here, or is it more a matter of anxiety and a fear of the unknown? Have you tried ‘going’ to a place in your mind first while still at home – describing all the things you might see and hear and do together? Contemplating the plusses and sharing what might be the minuses and how to handle those. If you tried that several times before making a journey he might have enough confidence/less anxiety about going somewhere he knows next to nothing about or has not been for a long time? Initially any trip planned should be somewhere he suggests or might like to try.

    As for matters Johnson, what about Baby-snatcher Boris? (His girlfriend is what should be his daughter’s age)

    and let’s hope for all our sakes it is not Bugger-it-up Boris! 🤡

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Love Barbie and Blackadder Boris (thank you for not showing the codpiece)
    How about Batty Boris?
    As for the 12 new places a year, on days when he’s ‘stricken’ could you do a virtual tour on your exercise bike again?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I am just minding when my younger girl who was slow to speak and when she did speak, finally, kind of spoke an alien language all of her own where she had the same certain unrecognisable words for certain things, but within that she also had five recognisable words, Four of them were swear words–ahem– obvi learned from me, to my horror and denial about what she was really saying… and how it really wasn’t what you might think, even though it sounded like it. Meantime my older girl? She just went about politely saying to everyone, ‘ My sister swears you know.’ So I do, I do try to watch what I say. That does not aye mean I succeed.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sorry that made me smile. I remember working with a woman who told me about her daughters first day at nursery. On the woman had to swerve to avoid a bad driver. When she picked her daughter up at the end of the day she was informed that the girl had repeatedly said ‘you f**** t**t’’. Every time she was told not to say it the girl said that it was ok because her said it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ha ha ha. Love it. I think kids are priceless that way. They aye grass you up with the best of intentions. One day my Mr cussed in the car . It was mild–damn– cos the grandbaby was sitting there. So then he whispers to me, ‘ Gega said a bad word,’ I said, Yeah shocking. Then he whispers again, ‘ He said…damn’, Then five mins later ‘ ‘Don’t tell my mummy’–the younger girl who cussed like a trooper, — ‘and daddy I said a bad word.’

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I know. It is so sweet. I mean he paused and looked all round then had to whisper …damn… to me. Like that is an awful word. Having said that that boy is the best actor in the family.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh me too. He is utterly vile. But we have all been decking ourselves at the way he tried to do the macho man bit and usher her in. To her own residence?? Big mistake. The thing is he was causing a security prob out there, standing doing his hail fellow …a pity we met bit. She was probably kacking it that missiles might be lobbed and then there would be a riot. Historically Edinburgh fouks like Dundee fowks are rioters.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. In my early days of reading your blog, if I was asked to describe you as a parent, I’d have used adjectives like
    Tough (very tough)

    Today, I add another:
    It’s amazing the things you come up with, considering just how much you have to face or plough through every day.

    But that’s love.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ah, our own summer plans never come out quite as we like them, either, but we make do. Memories are still made somehow, and you’ve done wonderfully…with an educational exercise, to boot! (My favorite is Bafflegab Boris.)

    Liked by 1 person

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