Blue skies have been a rarity over the last couple of weeks. Strangely this photo is a few weeks old. Can’t remember the last time I had to water the tomato plants. If anything it’s more about trying to stop them drowning in the rain water. The mad dog is currently sat looking out through the back door. Yet when I open it for him he just continues to sit and seems to shrug – if you think I’m going out in that you have another thing coming. Other areas of the county have seen bridges swept away and a Dam almost breached. Wasn’t it only a few weeks ago I was talking about Yorkshire and temperatures in the 90s. Strange old summer.

We have largely been cut off from the outside world this holiday. The occasional and extremely brief trip to the shop but son has stayed in the car. Trip to a castle but at a time (and with the poor weather) that it would be largely empty. We are thinking about a trip to another castle, a zoo and hill walk – but these will be scheduled at the quietest times possible. This is how our son likes it.

But it does have a downside. Next month son will return to school. Small site with over 800 kids and adults. Its just not a natural environment for someone with Aspergers. It doesn’t help that within a few days of school opening it’s the anniversary of his mums death. It not easy for anyone but no kid should have to go through that.

Soon we will need to start the process of getting him as ready as possible for that dreaded return. We will have a few visits to the school. A word with the caretaker will allow a walk round the empty corridors. But that just won’t prepare him for so much noise, so many faces. So we are going to have to visit a few busy places. A couple of trips to a Supermarket. Maybe a visit to a popular museum – York’s Train Museum. It’s a balancing act trying to acclimatise yet not trying to unnecessarily spook him.

The other part to this is ME. It’s about trying to get ME used to people again. It really doesn’t come naturally to ME. Just look at that it’s all ME ME ME with me. I blame it on the rain.

Current mood – Dampish….

94 thoughts on “Me Me Me”

  5. I feel your pain in the socialization piece. I have spent this summer carting kids around to their camps and events not really talking to any other adults. AND THEN a soccer mom from Catelyn’s new team reached out to ME to find out why we hadn’t replied to going to the FAMILY soccer party. I felt like I was going to throw up. I was practically telling Catelyn she couldn’t go. It all worked out, I connected her with Mr. Social (my husband) and I hopefully am out of that social picture. I was honestly almost in tears at thought of having to go and was feeling so sick. I guess it’s not helpful, just saying I can relate. We can do this! Get our kids back to school – may be hard at first to connect again with others but with due practice we’ll get those small skills down pat again and muster our way through. And even if we have a hard time with others, our kids totally trust and know we are in their corner. Thinking of you guys!

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    2. Hope you are smiling. Are you managing to get some time at the gym. We will find a way. Externally people won’t realise what the inside is feeling. One of the problems is that you think your the only one struggling with this stuff. But that’s not the case. Great parents are often in the same position. When you hear your story it helps so much.

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      1. Yes, I agree. I can’t tell you how many times as a teen or young adult I had people tell me, “Just try harder” or they would just become so frustrated with me when I would freeze and couldn’t go any farther. It felt safer just to be alone – which of course doesn’t help with social skills. That didn’t change when I had kids. I am still the same person. I was going to write about it – I’ve tried a couple times and hasn’t come out right. The “Mama Bear” one was one attempt. I don’t make a fuss but I do have my kids best interest in mind. I agree – really happy to connect with others in the same boat. Makes me feel better with my hang ups. I haven’t been able to get to the gym in some time now. I have to take the kids with me and they hate sitting there. But there are only 2 weeks left of summer and then I hope to get back into my gym routine.

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  8. I think that generally it is very difficult for anyone with any level of sensitivity to deal with insensitive people. (Of which there are currently a lot!)

    Again, mostly because in a world with way too many people, it is not advisable to be sensitive towards everything and everyone, so the norm is for us to develop a protective shell that prevents intimacy with, and therefore understanding of, ‘others’.

    If you are going to mix with people you can’t afford to be too aware of your own, or of other’s, feelings or at least that’s how i see it. 😩

    Maybe we should not be too Precious? On the other hand….
    (… she might have a point!?) 😉

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      1. Disco was MY era!

        Yeah, we’re having a dreadful winter so far… it’s rained on 3 or 4 days so far this month today looked rather much like the photo and they’re predicting a top of 23 C on Monday, No rain til maybe Tuesday.

        I really empathise.

        (You know my photo i was going to add ‘here’: )

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      5. Still not! 🙂

        The funny part of all this is, on average, Perth has roughly double the amount of rain you get in Yorkshire in the month of August!! – True!

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      7. Ahhh… that would be Tasmania!

        Little island off the Southern coastline about the size of Iceland with a similar sized population but slightly cooler in Winter. In summer has bushfires and 40 C plus temps.

        It’s a little known fact that they shot the film ‘Deliverance’ there and hired a few of the ‘locals’ for the river sequences!

        Soo-eey! 😉

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  9. Is that one of your photos, Gary as that tree is amazing? Aww it must be tough for son knowing he has to go back and leave the freedom of open time and space and peace and quiet. As for liking quite time I understand and when you go through so much loss its natural to introvert. No need to give it a label. xoxo

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  10. A trip to the supermarket. AHHHHHHH. How can you be so cruel. Seriously, feeling this for you. I think we all bury ourselves in the summer as it is and now all this is getting ready to smack you in the face. Small steps to large stepping stones–little islands in other words. The Railway Museum is nice and while it’s busy there are some quiet corners..you will both just have to hide in them. Oh and the weather? Well, that has been something else.

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      1. Been better here today. But was torrential yesterday with flooding. Drains flooded just round our corner. Even bits that are not near the river they’re flooded. What a summer. Aye just get a boat.

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      15. Sounds about right. Our kitchen is upstairs and I once had a set to with the guys who delivered the side by side fridge freezer. They took the old one out and then started stuff re the new one… Now if they had not removed the old one I might have seen their point. But that was their mistake….

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  11. Feeling for you with the weather, the return to school and the approaching anniversary. I hope the weather clears up, the transition goes smoothly and that the anniversary gives a focus to your collective grief and an opportunity for further recovery. I am sending you both love and strength and looking forward to catching up with the last couple of months of your righting after a self imposed internet blackout. Some times it needs to be all about me or in this case you, taking good care of yourself is the greatest example and gift me can give our children. 💜

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  15. Pingback: Me Me Me – A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. – International Badass Activists

  17. I read something that made me think of you today:

    The Maori word for autism is “takiwatanga”. It means “in his/her own time and space.” 😊

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  18. Wouldn’t it be great if someone could invent special ear protection and eyewear to reduce sensory overload! Something that looked really cool to make the wearer look like a super hero with special powers. Wishful thinking…
    As a child, life was too much for me… I would pretent that I lived in a bubble, and no one could touch me or come into my space unless I wanted. I never was diagnosed (except as shy), but I cannot abide crowded spaces (and hate shopping malls). I prefer my own company to this day. I generally move away from any crowd of people, so the idea of going back to school after a summer of quietude would terrify me too. I hope your son finds coping strategies.

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  19. One day at a time Gary, as they say Rome wasn’t built in a day – apparently it took 700 years – so hey look at the positives you will not need that.

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  21. We all get these dampish moods. And you’re totally right–the only way any kid gets used to a new environment is spending some time in that environment. Say, your son always has fun going to concerts, right? Maybe you can talk about how school hallways are a lot like going into a concert, with all the people and noise. Teachers don’t make the best rock bands, but it’s a start…?

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