Zero sleep last night. Not even looking at old photos from a trip to the Peak District helped at 5am. And as all you biologists will know – zero sleep equates to zombieism. So I’ve been a full on zombie today. All zombies need a cool name, just ask Rob Zombie or Shaun of the Dead. A particularly awesome zombie was Skipper in a brilliant episode of The Penguins of Madagascar. If you want a laugh look up that one.

My first name might be fine in front of a famous Western Actors surname or in front of a great English Strikers surname or as the name of a pet in a certain underwater burger eating cartoon. But as a Zombie it is pretty lame. So we need a rebranding. Hopefully for just one day only I am Zord. Yes I watched PowerRangers.

Unfortunately Zord is a bit cranky. Zord has decided he doesn’t like August. Too many memories. Bad memories. Sad memories. The slightest thing can bring a tear. Yes zombies have an emotional dimension to them. Yet again movies like World War Z are so quick to stereotype.

Zord is a bit accident prone. Smashed a cup and broken the scissors. He’s burnt toast, crumpets and baked beans today. He even managed to set fire to a dish cloth. Zombies clearly don’t get to use an oven much. Must admit the microwave is beyond Zord as well. He initially just took the lid of the tin of beans then put the tin straight into the microwave. I think Zord fancied being the Lord of Lightening just once.

Zord has a tendency to fall asleep. That sleep where the eyes shut, the head then falls backwards and you are immediately woken by that awful head snapping sensation. So far Zord has tried that while watching TV, while trying to type up a report, while trying to sign a cheque and while on the toilet. Silly Zord.

Zord can also be a bit snappy. Unforgivably Zord has snapped a couple of times at our son. Bad Zord. But he does realise that being snappy is not a good trait so he is trying to control the snappiness. Zord finds coffee and chocolate helps. I’ve not had the heart to tell Zord that he is one of the few vegan zombies.

Let’s see what lasts longer with Zord – zombieism or veganism. Trying to be a vegan is bloody expensive. Sorry bloody and vegan shouldn’t be in the same sentence. Forgive me I am a tired parent zombie.

92 thoughts on “Zord

  1. Gary, I sincerely hope you find sleep, or rather sleep finds you soon. Have you tried taking 5-10 mg of Melatonin? It helps to just relax and work with your natural system in order to sleep. It’s found in the vitamin section of your pharmacy or supermarket.
    I hope you feel better really soon. 💟

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ummm….you’ve got red on you.
    Sorry, lack of sleep makes me clumsy and even sillier than normal. I got bounced at the ridiculous hour of 12:30am. I’ve fallen asleep with chocolate in my mouth and woken with brown sticky drool on my face and shirt.
    Hang in there Zord. I’d tell you it all gets better, but it doesnt always. And sometimes it takes a while to improve at all.
    Hugs!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. How in the Sam Heck does one set fire to a dishcloth, Zord??? Good Lord, Zord … sleep, dear peep … tear August off the calendar, once and for all … move on to September and … and … and … happier days? Hugs ‘n love, dear friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You might see yourself as the zombie Zord, but you’ll always be good old Gonzo (Ft. Mr Crimble) to me. 😉

    How is Mr Crimble these days?? Has he grown much?

    Hang in there Champ – August will be over soon.

    … then you’ll have September to deal with!

    I trust you have already explained to Son what you have explained to us out here in Cyberland?? Besides the (T)rusty exercise bike (Mr Squeaky??) do you have something else to take out your frustrations on – for the duration?

    We all need some way to release feelings we normally try to hold back inside. Maybe something the two of you could gang up on together??

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Yeah there’s times when eventually I just keel over. Then I can sleep for Scotland. But other times when I am dropping with exhaustion and thinking, YES tonight’s gonna be a good night cos I am so gonna sleep and then the brain goes PING ZING and knowing I am going to be me putting pillows on my head, going STFU and all these things till morning I just get up and do other things I would be even crazier than I am otherwise.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Zord! Stay away from the kitchen!

    Ok we need to sit you down and give you a head massage (that’s what Goldfinch likes when he is tense) and lots of chocolate. Just stay still and don’t attempt anything in the kitchen at all! Zombie days are when you just pick up the phone and order a take-away to be delivered.

    I hope you have had some sleep since you wrote this post.

    Oh I do love Penguins of Madagascar!!!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I stop drinking coffee by 11am and I’m good for the evening. There is a tylenol PM generic brand that also works for sleeping. A glass of wine works too.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Occasionally (like last night) when I have had a completely sleepless night (night before), I will take a certirizine antihistamine tablet which will keep me asleep for the whole night. Developed for allergies, they are the same active ingredient as NyQuil, at fraction of price. If you go to poundstretcher, they are dead cheap (about 59p) for 14 Galpharm certirizine tablets. Most other places (Lidl) sell them for 89p

    You can learn about them here… https://www.nhs.uk/medicines/cetirizine/

    Like

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