School is back on Thursday. Deep Joy. So we have completed the dreaded school bag and uniform audit. Pigging hell. I blame it on this Pokemon.

Please tell me why

  • The school bag seems to have developed zipillitis. Every single zip has either jammed half open or have decided to become stunt lemmings and dropped off onto the floor,
  • We don’t have any black or blue pens but we helpfully have a shipping container full of yellow and red ones. Particularly helpful as only teachers are allowed to use red and yellow ink seems to be as fashionable as German Sausages at 10 Downing Street drinks party these days,
  • Why is every single pencil snapped at the same time as our 38 pencil sharpeners have eloped with coloured crayons,
  • Why is the only useable pencil case PINK with Peppa Pig on it,
  • All the rulers and set squares and protractors are missing or appear to have been sat on by an African Elephant,
  • Why has the French Dictionary (which we had to buy even though its never likely to be used) clearly gone for a swim in the Mediterranean Sea and decided not to dry itself properly,
  • Every single eraser has got as much rubber left on them as I have hair left on my scalp,
  • Why has the never need batteries calculator run out of power. Who thought it would be a good idea to use light as an energy source in Yorkshire,
  • No black socks at all – all buried in the garden by helpful dog,
  • His school blazer has developed more holes in the sleeves than my empty bank account,
  • Blue shirts now so badly worn that he might as well just wear a see through bag,
  • All Trousers 3 inches too short with more patches than on my 30 year bike tyres,
  • The school tie which was blue but now seems to be more Tomato Ketchup colour,
  • Finally the all important school shoes. Still just about black but unfortunately with two holes in the soles so large that they must have got in the way of an Alaskan Oil Drilling operation.

Don’t you just love school……

40 thoughts on “Why

  1. I feel like it is so expensive to send your kids back to school. I even asked D if he could just use some of his old stuff from last year since the dollars were adding up getting the kids all the new clothes, shoes and supplies. He was fine with it, so I guess that is good. (I’m starting to realize this comment is not helping at all – I’m sorry :-)). The parts about your bank account and the see through bag shirts did crack me up 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Clearly – the explanation is they are all down to the impending Oct 31st Brexit deadline disaster!!!

    They’re getting out while there is still time!

    I suggest you two do the same – Switzerland would be my choice of preference! (Well, – your choice, actually).

    Liked by 3 people

  3. This is the first year ever that I didn’t have to get any back to school stuff. Because I knew the kids weren’t going back. Last year I got the bags and uniforms ready but never even got out the front door. They didn’t even make it in for one day.

    Liked by 2 people

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