When grief comes calling your life changes. It changes almost everything. Your concept of time. Your priorities. Your dreams. You hobbies, Your finances. Your sleep. Your diet. Your confidence. Your mood. Your lifestyle. Your social life. Even the food you have in the fridge. It’s complete upheaval and your life will never be the same.

Almost everything. Grief doesn’t change three key things.

The world – it just keeps spinning, the world continues without blinking an eyelid at your personal tragedy.

BUT

Grief doesn’t change your love. Your special person may have left this world but you still love them dearly. More than ever

Grief doesn’t change your memories. They will be your special gift forever.

58 thoughts on “Change”

    1. The love may me indelibly etched, but it does not mean there is no room to love another, and have another love you. But we tell ourselves we have only one great love, one “soul partner”! That is the most debilitating thing we can do to ourselves. It often prevents us from moving on, or even being open to the next chapter of our lives. Refusing to even look for someone else to love is life-denying.
      I know nothing about you, Invisibly Me, but the handle you give yourself speaks volumes if it really describes you. You are not invisible to the world, and just because you do not want to be seen does not make it so. Everyone has a right to be loved throughout their life, not only while one other person is alive to love them. Others can love you as well, or even more.
      My brother and his wife loved each other greatly, they did everything together. But when his wife died, he met another woman, an older woman, who showed him a whole new side to love, and life, a side he never dreamed could exist. He was always a happy man, but he found a new kind of happiness, something that freed him to be an individual inside of his relationship, whereas in his earlier life he was in love within the relationship. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but we all know the new life fulfilled him much more than the previous one, and his second wife felt exactly the same way compared to her first life.
      Never be invisible, or closed to love. Everything is still possible, try it. You may be greatly surprised.

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  5. I love the fact that in your grief, love shines through. I suspect the grief of bereavement is different to the grief of a relationship breakdown for example, which would carry with it plenty of bitterness, which you don’t seem to have, at least not towards the beloved one you lost. Stay strong, and stay encouraging us with your posts to stay strong. You may not feel strong, but I’m sure you’re much stronger than you realise!

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  15. It’s a sad Truth – the world will keep on spinning; it won’t stop to let you off for a while so you can find your feet that just got pulled right out from under you when you were nowhere near ‘ready’; it won’t even slow down, not even a little; it just goes on spinning unperturbed, making you feel (more) giddy and uncertain – wobbly even; occasionally it will laugh at you when you stumble. World ain’t got NO respect!

    What it does have though is other people (Billions and Billions of them! – Carl Sagan). Sure a lot of them are selfish jerks who do nothing to help, even when they might be trying their best to (like me!), but then there are the occasional ‘gems’ who can and do help in varying degrees. We can be thankful for them. And there are also others who have a pretty good idea what you are going through because they’ve been there/are there themselves. We should probably try to spend time with some of them for support, it can work both ways giving it, as well as getting it.

    As for memories: sad to say, the latest research shows memories aren’t what they used to be (or not what we used to think they were) – they are far more ‘flexible’, malleable even, than we think. Basically, we change SMALL aspects of a memory every single time we recall it, modifying it; adding bits we prefer and losing bits that we don’t. It’s like an artist paining a portrait and then going back to it time after time ‘touching it up’ to make it ‘perfect’ – whatever ‘perfect’ feels like at the time he is standing before it. As the passing of time changes us and how we feel, it changes the memory’s details to suit us better.

    It’s just the way our human brains work.

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    1. It’s strange I often dream the memories in sleep. They are always different in some way to the reality. Being doing a post about this for a while but I’m not happy with it. Can’t get my head round if it’s good or bad. One bizarre example was a great trip we had to a zoo had been changed to a zoo filled with dinosaurs.

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      1. Our dreams are something else all together – operating on a different level of awareness/consciousness – less ‘filtering’ going on than when we are awake, or as much as we ever can be. 😉

        I think there has been five films about those zoos, have there not? 🙂

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      3. Well life is a carousel and there’s times you just can’t ride it. Be kind to yourself about it, always The thing is I think, there are those who are lucky enough to live again, There are those who get to a place where it’s an okay place. But there are things that never go away and bits that can’t be let go of. Grief has many stages and these must be worked through. It can change but there’s bits no matter life bring you in the future that will always be there. This is still very early days for you to have lost so much in such a short space of time. And most of all, talking life and how it rolls on, the world and how it rolls on, you have also lost the life you should have been having now. You had every right to expect

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  18. sorry for your loss … the world keeps spinning and most are oblivious to your sorrow. But your child needs you as they are also suffering … you support each other in your own way

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