Our local Bull has decided that he hasn’t eyeballed me enough. Now he’s made his way through to the farmers field immediately behind our garden. Now he can eyeball me all day long.
Yesterday evening son was watching a history DVD. Something about the American Civil War. So I took the mad dog out in the garden for his late evening barking session. Village most love him. Anyway as he started barking at the Apple Tree when I noticed the football on the muddy lawn. A thought crossed my mind. I don’t often get the ball to myself. Time for some quality Dad football skills. Two minutes later the ball is in the farmers field. Ops. Not a problem I will just jump over the wooden fence and the small wire fence. Son will never know that I’m a muppet.
Then that sinking feeling. What is that large black lump stood next to the ball. A very large lump which is eyeballing me. The pigging ball has ended up next to Mr Bull. It’s our only ball since the dog chewed the last others. It is also our sons favourite ball which he’s had for years now.
Houston we have a problem.
What do I do.
Take the risk of son losing one of his favourite toys OR get flattened.
Having deeply assessed the problem and developed an in-depth strategy (thinking time lasted about 3 seconds) it was decision time. Seconds later I’ve climbed over the fences and I’m slowly edging towards The Beast. The well thought out plan could be described as ‘winging it’ or a ‘work in progress top level broad brush general overview’ thing. This was evidenced by the clever strategy to calm the beast. I was trying to soothly talk to him by saying ‘he’s a clever pretty polly’. I couldn’t think of a nice name for a bull but really ‘pretty polly‘. The problem was compounded by the fact that on closer examination the ball was virtually under the bull.
So I continued to edge closer to my doom sticking to the Pretty Polly tactics. Eventually I’m within a couple of feet of The Beast. He’s a very big boy. And he’s seriously eyeballing me. Slowly I bend over and pick up the ball. My brilliant plan had not considered being actually face to face with him. Then the Beast made a strange noise. I’m about to die. Then a gushing water sound. He’s having a pee. I can breathe again. Then a potential mistake. A big mistake. I patted the bull on the head. He’s still eyeballing me but I’m sure the eyes have gone blood red and steam is coming out of the nose. Time to get out of here. Slowly I back away keeping my eyes on him. When the gap is about 6 yards I turned. Suddenly I’m sure I can hear the beast heading towards me. Fast. With a surprisingly rapid sprint for a man of my age I’m at the fences. No time to climb just jump. With one bound I just about clear both fences. SAFETY.
I would like to report that I landed like an Olympic Gymnast. No. I landed like a flying baboon. Face first into the muddy lawn and mole hills. But I’m alive and the ball is safe. Inside I looked in the mirror. A face caked in mud. At that very stage son walked into the bathroom. He took one look at the mud on my face and calmly said.
I’m not going to ask why but you do know having a painted brown face is so uncool and racist Dad.
Yes it is son. In my case it was an accident. Having said that I bet that’s exactly what Justin Trudeau said and it’s not a great defence. Best wash it off before I’m photographed.
Ha ha ha! Was the hull really chasing?? 🐮👀
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I didn’t check. Currently he is stood next to our fence ready for action.
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Oof… Does the dog interact?
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Keeping his distance
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Interesting
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🙏
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Lol. Good running and scrambling. In fact, Trudeau couldn’t say it was an accident, except for an accident of exhibiting extremely poor judgment, more than once. You win!
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Thank you
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Here out west, we KNOW not to get close to bulls!!! They cannot be trusted! Thanks for the giggle!
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Thank you pleased it gave you a giggle.
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See how lucky you are?🍀 If that had been me, I would’ve gotten peed on and tangled in the fences, ripping my clothes and probably some skin to boot. All you got was a free mud facial, an adrenaline rush, and a bit of an ethics lecture.😂😂
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Yes it was a result but today the Bull has moved right next to our fence. He’s ready for round 2.
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Hilarious…u should try writing a book..u r too good. And patting the bull .brave as well😀
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The more I think about it – a tad foolish. But you are so kind. x
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…and if you had only looked back at the bull, you might have seen him standing in the exact same spot he was standing in the whole time.
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Probably but I wasn’t going to change my luck or my backside.
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Pretty Polly? I’d charge at someone calling me that too! 😜
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Yes not my finest moment.
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OMG! Brings back a few bullish memories!
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He’s next to the fence now waiting for round 2.
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Oh lol Gary
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🙏
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Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! 🙂
The writing i mean – that whole ‘climb the fence, get the ball, pat the bull thing’ was just sheer stupidity from end to end.
Any smart dad would’ve just waited till next morning when the bull was bound to have moved at least just a little and collect the ball in the cool, clear, calm (probably soaking wet, being Yorkshire) light of day!
Not sure who’s got the larger cojones though, i have to say! 😉
It must be really great to have your son to keep you grounded from your occasional flights into lunacy??
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I think I was worried the bull was going to sit on the ball or show me up with better ball skills.
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😉
Unless the ball was red i’d be fairly sure it was safe.
I’m prepared to bet big money he would easily win in a tackling situation!!
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I sure of that.
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Now that is courage – and a clever Trudeau link
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Thank you sir
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I am impressed.
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Who with? The Bull is a better bet.
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I think YOU could get in an Olympic team with this running and vaulting. I think we ll chased by rams through a field after coming down off BenVrackie. Like that I do mind thinking, could they not have doe that on the way up when we were all full of life and energy.
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Those rams are scary. I love Perthshire.
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Yeah, that bit is nice and we used to go a lot way back. That day we had our older girl with us and like that she’d all the gear and the this and that but boy was she slow. So by this point we just needed a seat. Must say we fair did some braw sprinting. Pity it never chased her at the start though. Would have been up and down a lot faster.
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I could do with some chasing on some of climbs in Scotland. A tad slow.
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Some are easier than others.
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Tend to be easier when you are going downhill
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I found Ben Vrackie quite hard going downhill cos basically it is like going up a set of giant rocky stairs. They have made a path. All fine. But it is a path that is hard on your knees coming down.
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It did my thighs in. If I remember I medicated on Highland Park.
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The best kind…
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🙏
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Oh, that’s too funny 🙂 Glad you and the ball are safe. And I think the bull likes you! Maybe it was the first time getting pet. I think you have a friend for life (but I would still test theory with the fence between you 🙂 )
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He is stood next to our fence now. When it stops chucking it down going to see if he will accept some food and a pat.
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Geezes. Lol. 🙂
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🙏
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Wow! You do have your adventures – you are very brave to face the beast or very afraid of facing your son if you lost that ball.Funny, though, so funny. And I think you have a far better excuse for having a brown face than our Prime Minister does.
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Wow! You do have your adventures – you are very brave to face the beast or very afraid of facing your son if you lost that ball.Funny, though, so funny. And I think you have a far better excuse for having a brown face than our Prime Minister does.
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Disgruntled son is probably the worse option.
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LOL yeah our kids can be intimidating at times
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Very
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Wow! You do have your adventures – you are very brave to face the beast or very afraid of facing your son if you lost that ball.Funny, though, so funny. And I think you have a far better excuse for having a brown face than our Prime Minister does.
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Never a dull moment.:)
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True
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😂😂😂 That was very funny. Ya know, after you patted the bull on the head, he probably just followed you so you could do it again. 🖐️🐮
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As he’s stood next to our fence we may find out.
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Someones got a very brave dad! Good to have a chuckle at your escapades.
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Pleased it made you smile
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This gave me a really good belly laugh. Such a classic response from your son!
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That makes me very happy
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You can befriend a horse with a few sugar cubes in an open hand. What would you use to befriend a male bovine?
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If he’s there tomorrow I’m going to experiment
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You could be the world’s first bull whisperer.
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Might be short career…
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Laughing through the whole post but you never said whether the bull actually was chasing you when you jumped the fence and face planted.
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I never looked round to check. But he has moved closer to our fence now.
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Great story – you score highly for writing ability, bravery and athletic ability. However, when we turn to the subject of your intelligence and sanity there are some serious questions to be answered. 🙂
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I can’t disagree with your last comment.
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🙂
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🙏
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As clumsy as I was at your son’s age, I am glad that was before any people had cell phones as I am sure some would have went viral with people thinking there’s no way it’s not photoshopped.
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Yes I might have been locked up.
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I really enjoyed reading this.
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Thank you
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LOL! I’d never clear the fences, so here’s hoping I never meet a Bull in the farmyard 🙂
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You would if the need came. I’m no athlete but for that brief moment I was Olympic standard.
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Amazing what an extra shot of adrenaline can do!
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Shane’s I can’t bottle it and use it for more important stuff.
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