Our local Bull has decided that he hasn’t eyeballed me enough. Now he’s made his way through to the farmers field immediately behind our garden. Now he can eyeball me all day long.

Yesterday evening son was watching a history DVD. Something about the American Civil War. So I took the mad dog out in the garden for his late evening barking session. Village most love him. Anyway as he started barking at the Apple Tree when I noticed the football on the muddy lawn. A thought crossed my mind. I don’t often get the ball to myself. Time for some quality Dad football skills. Two minutes later the ball is in the farmers field. Ops. Not a problem I will just jump over the wooden fence and the small wire fence. Son will never know that I’m a muppet.

Then that sinking feeling. What is that large black lump stood next to the ball. A very large lump which is eyeballing me. The pigging ball has ended up next to Mr Bull. It’s our only ball since the dog chewed the last others. It is also our sons favourite ball which he’s had for years now.

Houston we have a problem.

What do I do.

Take the risk of son losing one of his favourite toys OR get flattened.

Having deeply assessed the problem and developed an in-depth strategy (thinking time lasted about 3 seconds) it was decision time. Seconds later I’ve climbed over the fences and I’m slowly edging towards The Beast. The well thought out plan could be described as ‘winging it’ or a ‘work in progress top level broad brush general overview’ thing. This was evidenced by the clever strategy to calm the beast. I was trying to soothly talk to him by saying ‘he’s a clever pretty polly’. I couldn’t think of a nice name for a bull but really ‘pretty polly‘. The problem was compounded by the fact that on closer examination the ball was virtually under the bull.

So I continued to edge closer to my doom sticking to the Pretty Polly tactics. Eventually I’m within a couple of feet of The Beast. He’s a very big boy. And he’s seriously eyeballing me. Slowly I bend over and pick up the ball. My brilliant plan had not considered being actually face to face with him. Then the Beast made a strange noise. I’m about to die. Then a gushing water sound. He’s having a pee. I can breathe again. Then a potential mistake. A big mistake. I patted the bull on the head. He’s still eyeballing me but I’m sure the eyes have gone blood red and steam is coming out of the nose. Time to get out of here. Slowly I back away keeping my eyes on him. When the gap is about 6 yards I turned. Suddenly I’m sure I can hear the beast heading towards me. Fast. With a surprisingly rapid sprint for a man of my age I’m at the fences. No time to climb just jump. With one bound I just about clear both fences. SAFETY.

I would like to report that I landed like an Olympic Gymnast. No. I landed like a flying baboon. Face first into the muddy lawn and mole hills. But I’m alive and the ball is safe. Inside I looked in the mirror. A face caked in mud. At that very stage son walked into the bathroom. He took one look at the mud on my face and calmly said.

I’m not going to ask why but you do know having a painted brown face is so uncool and racist Dad.

Yes it is son. In my case it was an accident. Having said that I bet that’s exactly what Justin Trudeau said and it’s not a great defence. Best wash it off before I’m photographed.

76 thoughts on “Trudeau and the Bull”

  4. See how lucky you are?🍀 If that had been me, I would’ve gotten peed on and tangled in the fences, ripping my clothes and probably some skin to boot. All you got was a free mud facial, an adrenaline rush, and a bit of an ethics lecture.😂😂

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  9. Brilliant! Absolutely Brilliant! 🙂

    The writing i mean – that whole ‘climb the fence, get the ball, pat the bull thing’ was just sheer stupidity from end to end.

    Any smart dad would’ve just waited till next morning when the bull was bound to have moved at least just a little and collect the ball in the cool, clear, calm (probably soaking wet, being Yorkshire) light of day!

    Not sure who’s got the larger cojones though, i have to say! 😉

    It must be really great to have your son to keep you grounded from your occasional flights into lunacy??

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      1. I think YOU could get in an Olympic team with this running and vaulting. I think we ll chased by rams through a field after coming down off BenVrackie. Like that I do mind thinking, could they not have doe that on the way up when we were all full of life and energy.

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      3. Yeah, that bit is nice and we used to go a lot way back. That day we had our older girl with us and like that she’d all the gear and the this and that but boy was she slow. So by this point we just needed a seat. Must say we fair did some braw sprinting. Pity it never chased her at the start though. Would have been up and down a lot faster.

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      7. I found Ben Vrackie quite hard going downhill cos basically it is like going up a set of giant rocky stairs. They have made a path. All fine. But it is a path that is hard on your knees coming down.

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  12. Oh, that’s too funny 🙂 Glad you and the ball are safe. And I think the bull likes you! Maybe it was the first time getting pet. I think you have a friend for life (but I would still test theory with the fence between you 🙂 )

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  14. Wow! You do have your adventures – you are very brave to face the beast or very afraid of facing your son if you lost that ball.Funny, though, so funny. And I think you have a far better excuse for having a brown face than our Prime Minister does.

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  15. Wow! You do have your adventures – you are very brave to face the beast or very afraid of facing your son if you lost that ball.Funny, though, so funny. And I think you have a far better excuse for having a brown face than our Prime Minister does.

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  16. Wow! You do have your adventures – you are very brave to face the beast or very afraid of facing your son if you lost that ball.Funny, though, so funny. And I think you have a far better excuse for having a brown face than our Prime Minister does.

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