Hindsight and regret is so easy to fall back into. We all do it. Especially when you suffer bereavement. I do it. I could fill a War and Peace size book with all the missed opportunities.
- The deterioration came so quickly that we never had that last proper conversation. The last goodbye. I guess the last chat was about sorting out her laptop for when she came out after the tests.
- We never got to New Zealand.
- We didn’t have that family Santa trip to Lapland.
- We never got to Chile.
- We never got round to trying for a second child.
- The trip to Tibet and Nepal eluded us.
- I never did get round to putting those shelves up which she really wanted.
- Looking at the Northern Lights together remained unfulfilled.
- I never got round to getting the clip of our sons first steps off the broken camera and on to the video so my partner could see them.
Plenty of time to do these. So no rush. WRONG.
But as that line goes. That’s what it is. Until someone invents time travel I just can’t change the past. Maybe occasionally in dreams but when you wake up it’s back to the reality. But this misses the big issue. Yes stuff got missed. I occasionally unintentionally messed up (maybe more than occasionally). We didn’t complete our bucket list. BUT just wait a picking moment. Look at the stuff we did.
- Switzerland lots of times.
- That first romantic trip to the Lakes.
- The two mad cats and a savage Hamster.
- The three trips to Disneyland Paris.
- Buying our first house.
- Those trips to France.
- All those walks on the North Yorkshire Moors.
- That trip to the Newcastle match when you almost got run over by the Juventus Team Bus and the Police Horse ate my Mars Bar.
- That winter we got snowed in with 18 inches of snow. Days of snow fun.
- The trips to the Peak District.
- That stay in one of Britain’s most haunted buildings.
- Skinny Dipping in the freezing sea at Anglesey.
- That week in the Scottish Highlands and that cottage next to the grave yard.
- That walk up Snowdon.
- That mad evening at a Blues Brothers New Years Eve Dance.
- The trip to the French Grand Prix
- That week in the Gypsy Cottage In Northumberland.
- The concerts. Even Ronan Keating – twice.
- Getting to see some of the Olympics events.
- Producing our beautiful son. The single most perfect we both ever did.
Too many great memories to mention here. That’s the stuff I should be focusing on. The memories which should be on permanent replay. You know what – we had a hell of a ride. That’s what it is. Thank you.
That does sound like quite the amazing ride.
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It was
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I love the list of the things you did. So wonderful to think about!
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It is. It should warm my soul during the barren times. Is the foot ok?
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It’s okay. When I push the distance it hurts but if I stay right around 5-7 miles everything is fine. How is your running coming along?
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Trying to teach myself to run with a different foot landing position and not running while always looking at my feet. It sounded easy. Wrong….
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Oh, yes – I have been there. I am a heel planter which is what has caused all my plantar fasciitis pain and heel spurs. For a whole year I tried to run on the balls of my feet. It was SO HARD trying to change my foot landing – I feel for you!
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It’s bizarre you force yourself to run differently and after only a few minutes your knackered.
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Completely! It’s crazy how tiring changing your form is.
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But you never know might turn me into a sub 2 hour marathon man….
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That’s true! You go, Speedy!
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Scarily as a kid I had a Pet Tortoise called Speedy. He had 3 legs and went round in circles. Very apt.
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It is great you have chosen to reflect more on the things you got to do with your beloved wife. One lesson for us all, cherish each moment you spend with your loved ones.
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That is such a great point.
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Wow. Lots of lists.
A friend of mine , a few years after losing her partner, did bucket list things in his name!! It helped her… but everyone is different! ❤️
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I can see how that would work.
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I have realised with time that there will always be regret for the time lost and the things left undone with people u love.i regret not hugging my dad when he left for office coz I didnt get the chance to do that later as he passed away that same day.
After beating myself up for several years I now have begun to appreciate the time I got to spend with him.
U have very pleasant memories with your beloved wife.Always cherish that.God bless u and ur son
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I’m so pleased that worked out for you. Those regrets are sadly stuff we can’t do anything about. It’s better to honour the great times. x
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Great way to look at it! Good for you!
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Thank you so much.
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So many wonderful memories!! And a piece of her in you son and in your heart! I bet son would like to do some of the unfinished things…
💌
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Eventually Autism permitting. If we could guarantee him being the only person in the country then definitely. x
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Oh Gary … reading the first part of this, I felt tears welling in my eyes and a lump in my throat. But then, when you got to the “Look at all we did” part, I was happy for you both, and when I read about the police horse eating your Mars bar, I actually laughed … well, more like chuckled, for laughter comes rarely these days. Anyway, as I’m sure you’ve heard a million times … remember the good … remember all you had and did. What you didn’t get around to no longer matters. Hugs, my friend.
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I remember the horse eating the bar then eyeballing me as it to say – and what your going to do about it fella.
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Or perhaps, he was asking if you had another stashed in your pocket?
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Definite menace in those eyes.
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You have said it. Focus good memories.
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It is the best way
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Absolutely.
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🙏
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I’m so glad you wrote up a list of all the things you did. When I read the first part, it felt like a wake up call for the rest of us and I wished you’d write the good things. And then I read the second part and felt so much better. You did more than most people do in a lifetime.
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As in life we need to remember to balance the bad stuff up with the good stuff.
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True. Wishing you strength and peace.
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🙏
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In my own situation, I try to find positives in a situation probably more than most.
I see a positive here in you having such a compatible partner. Not many people can bear to watch Ronan Keating together, surely? Twice seems miraculous!
I also see a positive that you recognise what was there. We tend to take a lot for granted, that we will have our three-score-and-ten years etc., almost as if it is written in stone. And of course, that was never really the case, it is only really the last few generations who have come to expect this. At least you appreciate what you had.
Ronan Keating, though…
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Ronan was better than expected but my presence was purely to earn brownie points.
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I remember going to see Simple Minds once for exactly the same reason 🙂
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I went to a Mandela concert with Simple Minds on. I remember thinking – well at least it’s not U2….
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Actually, it was rubbish music but it was very well produced. It was in the old Cardiff Arms Park, before it got rebuilt. That’s the only time I ever went to a stadium concert. Things like big screens were a novelty back in the Eighties.
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I remember the days of binoculars for concerts
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You’re so right – the past is past; it’s done and can’t ever be undone. Holding regrets for things that can never be changed is only going to do you harm and that helps no-one.
Looking back at all the good stuff, if done in the right frame of mind, can assist you in planning the future for you and especially your son. Of course, he will have a lot to say about that part, and about the life you want to share together.
Give yourselves the best ones possible.
That’s what it is – good luck in making it all it can be! 🙂
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Indeed we do sir.
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👍
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🙏
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Beautiful. Regret is an insidious monster that can be taken down by great and powerful memories!
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It can be beaten
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A nice balance of memories – and a great photograph
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Thank you sir
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Ahhhh. You brought tears to my eyes. Sounds like Y’all LIVED SO FULLY!!! To overflowing with Love. Cheers to everything Y’all did together and to You for gifting Yourself time with that flow of “Yay!!!”s. We all could serve well to keep our attention on that side of the road. Hoping You and Your beautiful son are having a wonderful day!!! Thank You for this. ❤️❤️❤️
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I hope your having a great day as well.
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❤ ❤ ❤
So much wonderful!
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Thank you x
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Wow, this is beautiful, but sad.. Im so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this.
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Thank you so much.
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DO the things left undone. It’s very fulfilling.
Me? I drove a Mustang Convertible up Highway 1 along the Pacific Coast like WE were going to do. I cried along the way but it felt SO good to do it…..
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I bet it was. That’s on my bucket list.
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Go for it………
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🙏
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Never regret, it is too soul destroying and serves no purpose. Learn, improve and move on is my moto. You have so many great memories! Cherish them and bring them with you on your forward journey. 💕
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So true
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I’m so glad you ended with the good stuff. You guys did a lot!!
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It’s often so easy to focus on the sad stuff. I need to keep telling myself this.
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YES. You packed several life times into your years together. These are a wealth of moments you can describe and share with your son, and who knows? Maybe visit some of these places with your son some day. Building new moments to carry on the past ones. xxxxxx
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You really did do a lot of fun stuff and I guess thats what you have to focus on.Not always an easy thought choice though when grieving. Where abouts did you stay in the wonderful Peak District?
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stayed at the Yorkshire Bridge Inn, Castleton, Edale and Hathersage.
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Ah they are places that I havent been but I’m sure are lovely. We live near to Hartington which is a popular place for walkers and visitors. Your memories will always be precious.
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Thank you. I might be mixing it up with somewhere else but I think I’ve been to a great cheese shop there.
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Yes it is a lovely little cheese shop😊
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🙏
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