Hindsight and regret is so easy to fall back into. We all do it. Especially when you suffer bereavement. I do it. I could fill a War and Peace size book with all the missed opportunities.

  • The deterioration came so quickly that we never had that last proper conversation. The last goodbye. I guess the last chat was about sorting out her laptop for when she came out after the tests.
  • We never got to New Zealand.
  • We didn’t have that family Santa trip to Lapland.
  • We never got to Chile.
  • We never got round to trying for a second child.
  • The trip to Tibet and Nepal eluded us.
  • I never did get round to putting those shelves up which she really wanted.
  • Looking at the Northern Lights together remained unfulfilled.
  • I never got round to getting the clip of our sons first steps off the broken camera and on to the video so my partner could see them.

Plenty of time to do these. So no rush. WRONG.

But as that line goes. That’s what it is. Until someone invents time travel I just can’t change the past. Maybe occasionally in dreams but when you wake up it’s back to the reality. But this misses the big issue. Yes stuff got missed. I occasionally unintentionally messed up (maybe more than occasionally). We didn’t complete our bucket list. BUT just wait a picking moment. Look at the stuff we did.

  • Switzerland lots of times.
  • That first romantic trip to the Lakes.
  • The two mad cats and a savage Hamster.
  • The three trips to Disneyland Paris.
  • Buying our first house.
  • Those trips to France.
  • All those walks on the North Yorkshire Moors.
  • That trip to the Newcastle match when you almost got run over by the Juventus Team Bus and the Police Horse ate my Mars Bar.
  • That winter we got snowed in with 18 inches of snow. Days of snow fun.
  • The trips to the Peak District.
  • That stay in one of Britain’s most haunted buildings.
  • Skinny Dipping in the freezing sea at Anglesey.
  • That week in the Scottish Highlands and that cottage next to the grave yard.
  • That walk up Snowdon.
  • That mad evening at a Blues Brothers New Years Eve Dance.
  • The trip to the French Grand Prix
  • That week in the Gypsy Cottage In Northumberland.
  • The concerts. Even Ronan Keating – twice.
  • Getting to see some of the Olympics events.
  • Producing our beautiful son. The single most perfect we both ever did.

Too many great memories to mention here. That’s the stuff I should be focusing on. The memories which should be on permanent replay. You know what – we had a hell of a ride. That’s what it is. Thank you.

69 thoughts on “That’s what it is”

      3. Oh, yes – I have been there. I am a heel planter which is what has caused all my plantar fasciitis pain and heel spurs. For a whole year I tried to run on the balls of my feet. It was SO HARD trying to change my foot landing – I feel for you!

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  5. I have realised with time that there will always be regret for the time lost and the things left undone with people u love.i regret not hugging my dad when he left for office coz I didnt get the chance to do that later as he passed away that same day.
    After beating myself up for several years I now have begun to appreciate the time I got to spend with him.
    U have very pleasant memories with your beloved wife.Always cherish that.God bless u and ur son

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  8. Oh Gary … reading the first part of this, I felt tears welling in my eyes and a lump in my throat. But then, when you got to the “Look at all we did” part, I was happy for you both, and when I read about the police horse eating your Mars bar, I actually laughed … well, more like chuckled, for laughter comes rarely these days. Anyway, as I’m sure you’ve heard a million times … remember the good … remember all you had and did. What you didn’t get around to no longer matters. Hugs, my friend.

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  10. I’m so glad you wrote up a list of all the things you did. When I read the first part, it felt like a wake up call for the rest of us and I wished you’d write the good things. And then I read the second part and felt so much better. You did more than most people do in a lifetime.

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  12. In my own situation, I try to find positives in a situation probably more than most.
    I see a positive here in you having such a compatible partner. Not many people can bear to watch Ronan Keating together, surely? Twice seems miraculous!
    I also see a positive that you recognise what was there. We tend to take a lot for granted, that we will have our three-score-and-ten years etc., almost as if it is written in stone. And of course, that was never really the case, it is only really the last few generations who have come to expect this. At least you appreciate what you had.
    Ronan Keating, though…

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      3. Actually, it was rubbish music but it was very well produced. It was in the old Cardiff Arms Park, before it got rebuilt. That’s the only time I ever went to a stadium concert. Things like big screens were a novelty back in the Eighties.

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  13. You’re so right – the past is past; it’s done and can’t ever be undone. Holding regrets for things that can never be changed is only going to do you harm and that helps no-one.

    Looking back at all the good stuff, if done in the right frame of mind, can assist you in planning the future for you and especially your son. Of course, he will have a lot to say about that part, and about the life you want to share together.

    Give yourselves the best ones possible.

    That’s what it is – good luck in making it all it can be! 🙂

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  16. Ahhhh. You brought tears to my eyes. Sounds like Y’all LIVED SO FULLY!!! To overflowing with Love. Cheers to everything Y’all did together and to You for gifting Yourself time with that flow of “Yay!!!”s. We all could serve well to keep our attention on that side of the road. Hoping You and Your beautiful son are having a wonderful day!!! Thank You for this. ❤️❤️❤️

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  19. DO the things left undone. It’s very fulfilling.

    Me? I drove a Mustang Convertible up Highway 1 along the Pacific Coast like WE were going to do. I cried along the way but it felt SO good to do it…..

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  22. YES. You packed several life times into your years together. These are a wealth of moments you can describe and share with your son, and who knows? Maybe visit some of these places with your son some day. Building new moments to carry on the past ones. xxxxxx

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