That’s either a years supply of fire wood or one monumental nature hotel. I strongly suspect it’s not for nature. It’s strange how things can change. One week a pile of wood is home to nature the next its ashes in a fireplace.

Immediately after my partner died I suddenly started to experience significant isolation. Largely cut adrift from society. Your life becomes intertwined with that of your partner and your own sphere of social contacts gradually drops accordingly. Rupture that partnership and you rupture your social life. On most days my only opportunity to socialise was at the school gates. The daily school run became a source of much comfort. I could talk to other parents and son would interact with the other kids. Being a small school really helped him.

Fast forward a couple of years and the school run experience has completely changed. Bigger school. No gate anymore. The parents who do turn up stay in the car and wait for their son or daughter to find them. No one gets out of the car. Very isolating.

Then you see the kids leave school. Mainly groups of kids. Twos, threes or more. Occasionally you see one walking by themselves. Son always walks by himself. Suddenly it feels a very very dispiriting experience. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

60 thoughts on “Change”

  2. Hello Gary. The situation, the experiences you and your son are having is heart breaking. Socializing is different for everyone. I live in a mobile home community with club house, pool, and other facilities. There are people here for who going to functions and using the facilities is their reason for being here. However not all the people care for that. Is there any clubs, social groups, hobby groups or such in your area? I realize your son is your focus but do you have time for yourself to indulge your interest? Best wishes, I do hope things get better for you. To be lonely is a horrible way to live. Hugs

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  3. My homeschooled grandkids feel the same. One takes art classes at the nearby junior high but had to stop the drama class she also took. The teacher did nothing, didn’t offer anything, clearly didn’t know what they were doing, so it was a bust. The two teens socialize with sports and volunteer activities, such as library volunteering, gavel club, and soccer and basketball this time of year. Their folks socialize through these activities.

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  4. Sorry to read this Gary. Change is difficult for everyone. Personally, I hate it, too set in my ways, but when it’s forced upon you, it can be devastating. I remember my High St banking days when some pensioners would come up to my window, withdraw ten pounds, and chat. Then a few days later they’d come in again , pay five pounds in, and chat. It was the only contact they had with other people, and it saddens me that ATMs and everything else being automated has taken that away from people like them. A friend from the marina used to sit and watch people go by, chat to them and pass the time. They have now removed the bench so that he cannot sit there, practically everyone he knew has moved on because prices have risen beyond reason, and no-one has the time to stop and talk to a lonely elderly man.

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      3. According to the government website, we are in severe poverty, but can’t get any help because I have a pension fund…… even though it has had to stretch 6 more years than it should have!
        I’m not sick now, but Hubby is not well and has an op pending, and they have already slashed his disability pension by two thirds.

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  8. I am so guilty of this. Whenever I drop a child off at a practice I am the parent that stays in the car – either to go retrieve another child from practice or to just read. My husband is the parent to go socialize. But if he were to leave me in some way, I would be faced with your same situation. He tells me all the time that I appear standoffish although he understands I am just afraid. I can see how isolating this could be. Wish we were closer for some regular running time together.

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  12. I often felt something akin to what you’re both experiencing, as a child and even now decades later. I can barely begin to imagine how much deeper the bite of isolation is for you.

    Maybe someday when the veil is removed, we’d be able to see this part of life…. and realise there were others unseen, walking by our side, getting us from hour to hour.

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      1. I don’t, actually. A couple from the boys’ school, and a few more at Blondie’s school. They’re all…how to put this….I must simply be an immature person, because even though these people are my age or younger, they all look and sound soooooooooo much older.

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      2. I know that feeling so well. I remember being the third oldest at the school gates and thinking man they probably sound like me in 20 years. I don’t get many compliments but son gave me one this week -‘your hairs going a bit on top but you still look younger than most dads at school’. Will take that can always wear a hat…

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