Running is such a release for me. It was such a shock when I was advised to stop due to injury. As I’m no spring chicken I feared that was it. But luckily a period of recuperation and a completely changed exercise regime has got me pounding the trails again. Some days you think WHY…..
Drenched, cold and running into a 20mph wind. Unfortunately I’m not what you would call aerodynamic. Today I felt like a tub of lard. An unfit Tub of lard would probably have gone quicker into that wind than me. At least nobody witnessed my struggles. These winter months it feels like I have the place to myself. Splendid isolation it might be but oh for the occasional running partner.
Splendid isolation is a phrase our son likes. I think he’s decided that he would love to have a circle of friends while getting as far away as possible from everyone else. I think most of us probably feel that way these days.
As a parent you desperately want your kids to be happy. Seeing the world through my eyes I often see happiness in terms of him spending time with a range of friends. Yet in reality this doesn’t happen. Over the last 16 months he’s been invited to one birthday party and probably had no more than 5 or 6 meet-ups (if that). The friends he made at his last school have slowly drifted into new friendship circles. The way his new school has put him in a class with none of his old friends has not helped. When I spoke to the school they argued that as he was basically low attainment they didn’t have any option open to them. Read low attainment as being dyslexic and being on the spectrum. And NO school – sitting a random kid next to him in a class does not count as a friend. Last year he did start to make a couple of friends in his class but both kids were moved up into a higher class in the summer. Out of school there are no kids his age in the village. Hardly any kids at all and certainly no communal play facilities for miles. But that’s through my eyes.
Through his eyes it’s Splendid Isolation. He will find the right people to be friends with in his own time and in his own way. Until then he’s more than happy with his Old Pop and doing things on his own. It’s important that we recognise that everyone is different. And difference is a good thing. To me being so isolated is a significant cause of anxiety – but not to our son. To me running is a brilliant releases – but to our son running is monumentally boring and should be restricted to no more than the occasional 5 yard burst. He does have a point.
Thx
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You’re not alone, you have us! Your son will make friends when he’s good and ready.
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Thank you
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You’re welcome!
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🙏
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I have to agree with son on this… Splendid Isolation and unless an ax murderer (or possibly a current Head Of State) is chasing me, no running.
Its natural, I think to remember our childhoods and project on to our kiddos. Sometimes its great, it offers understanding. Sometimes its just our baggage and not relevant. I believe you will both find your way together!
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Thank you
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I would say that Sheree is right. We all are your friends. And yes your son will pick up His own friends when he is ready.
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And I am so grateful for that friendship
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I do love splendid isolation but if someone called me low attainment I think I would be quite upset. I have a running post in my mind, as soon as I can get it out, and it IS very lonely. I am trying to push my distance and am finding, like you, a little conversation or even just runners around, would be appreciated. It’s humid, rainy and pouring here – and didn’t my knee ache during squats on squats day at the gym. I so want this to disappear so I can get to my runs without issue. Runs are always first…
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Oh I so want you to be pain free. Running is so important to you. Squats was one of the moves I cut out. The only one I do this the one where you slide your back down a wall and hold it. My knees feel a lot better for saying goodbye to the full on squats.
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Yeah, I’m thinking squats are out. I went in today – thankfully squats weren’t on the menu because I think I am not going to be squatting for a while (if ever again).
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My new approach to specific exercises is if it hurts once then ignore it, if it hurts again then rest it a bit, if it hurts a third time then it’s scrapped.
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I feel your concerns for your son, my friend … been there. I think that a few years from now, you will be surprised as you look around and see that he has one or two very close, very special friends. He doesn’t need a crowd … he will be more comfortable with just one, maybe two who operate on his plane, who understand, and who are somehow deeper thinkers than the hoards of kids that surround others. Relax … this is one that really will work itself out. Meanwhile … run. I used to work until 10 or 11 at night, then come home, change, and run for the better part of an hour. I cannot anymore, but I still walk 4 miles most days. It is therapeutic, it is what allows us to clear the cobwebs and other detritus out of our minds. Hugs.
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I really do hope so. I suspect all parents over think things. A good walk can really clear the mind. A coffee one day.
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I am truly hoping for that coffee one day, my friend!
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Can’t wait.
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School is such an artificial environment. When else in life are we herded together with people of the same age? You can be a friend to your son and that’s fine. As you know I was home educated, although I went to school for 6th form- and hated it! 🙂
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The school has a sixth form so if he went down that line he might by then no a few faces.
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Even in the 2 years I was there it got better 🙂
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Which gives hope.
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He knows his own needs. Incidentally, I was 40 before I recognised the joys of running.
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I knew a man who started when he was 70 and ran his first marathon the year after.
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Wow
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Another splendid post. Right now I’m getting a lot of “concern” from “professionals” about the kids becoming isolated now they’re out of school. But actually they’ve now made an actual real friend who they see around once a week to play D&D. Which is so much better than 30 hours a week in the company of the fake friends they had in school.
I’ve been having to do a lot of unwanted social interaction lately and have just figured out that it’s the reason I’m now burnt out.
Isolation really is splendid for me. And running is hell. But glad it works for you.
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Luckily his health counsellor is really good. She gets it. Trying to give him the tools to deal with people or be by himself – cover all bases. She does not try to push him. Your so right one good friend is what it’s all about. A while back I started going into a coffee shop by myself. Just to get me out into the real world. But too much anxiety so I ditched that plan.
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I like going to coffee shops by myself. I need to start doing that again. Think of it as self care. Sorry to hear anxiety thwarted that plan for you.
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A few years back I would be fine doing it. Now not fine.
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Your posts always bring me out of the doldrums and what a marvelous son you have. Carry on!
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Thank you so much.
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I think of you often, and it is no coincidence I saw this blog. You are right, isolation from his friends is not what he needs. I was recently diagnosed with Autism, at 58. I worked in the field, and when I saw my report cards from elementary school? It clicked.
Sara has no self esteem. Sara cannot grasp the art of skipping. Sara won’t reach out to others and takes direction from no one.
I didn’t and the result was a life of anguish. Anorexia, bulimia, drug and alcohol addiction, CPTSD because of emotional abuse in an alcoholic family. I learned to make friends, but inevitably had to change my circle when Jesus changed my heart and I did develop my core esteem. I was so petrified of social situations I drank, and not a bloody soul in my family would tell me anything because I would fall apart. Wasn’t allowed to watch Lassie as a child because I would dry heave each time the poor dog got lost.
I pray you find a school that celebrates your son’s differences. My brother did that for my niece, and she is 17 and well on her way to a beautiful life, with friends galore. My prayers to you~
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Thank you so much. Too many are let down by the systems. It has to stop. We owe that to the generations to come.
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Amen.
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Thank you
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When the right kids come along, he will have friends. Your son, I’m sure, knows who we would love around him. Hanging with dad is not a bad thing.
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I’m sure they will. It’s the typical impatient parent though.
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Yes, I can understand that. And to me, that is what’s sad because kids learn from their parents.
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Thankfully son has been clear some parts he wants to learn from me but in most certainly not.
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Well, that I believe that is how a lot of kids are. not a bad thing 🤷♀️
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No it isn’t
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No? Did U mistake your reply? I’m sorry if I did.
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Oh auto correct
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I suspect the auto correct is functioning my brain probably nit so well. Sorry.
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Probably running on 3 hours sleep in 2 days.
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No, the auto correct was on my end. That’s not a lot of sleep. What’s keeping you up so late?
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Not good, I’m sorry.
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Always tonight.
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Why always tonight?
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I also love this “splendid isolation.” With a dad like you I think he is going to be just fine. I suffered from ADHD -+. I get it.
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That’s so kind of you.
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My nephew has Asperger and is now an adult! He has very few friends but is actually very content with his life doing his own thing!
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That gives me hope. Thank you.
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Find a film on You Tube when you’ve a spare moment with your son. It’s called DANNY, THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. You’ll love it, as will he
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That rings a bell for some reason. Will look it up.
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It’s really moving. A father and son relationship studied beautifully
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Thank you so much.
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I still worry about this, too, but like you say, we have to let them make friends on their own. Biff tells me he spends most recesses wandering around the yard telling stories to himself. I’m on the verge of tears, fearing he’ll have no friends, and yet plenty of his classmates will say bye to him after school, and one invited him to a birthday party. We can’t force our sons into friendships, and if I was honest with myself, I didn’t have legit friends until I was 14. If our boys are content and happy, then let us be so, too. 🙂 xxxxxxxx
Of course, Bash is another matter, but that’s for another day…
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Good old Bash. Biff sounds like my kid. You are so right. It will happen when it happens. We can’t force it. And if he ends up living by himself in the middle of nowhere and he’s happy then good on him. The other thing we need to remember is that the most parents need friends as well. Need friend time. xxxxxx
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Now THAT is the true challenge!
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But it’s something we both need to probably work on more.
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It just goes to show how important those old friendships are. Bo’s two best friends have been in his life for almost thirty years. The kids call them “Uncle __ and Aunt __” because, as we’ve said to the kids, they’re as close as family. And frankly, they’ve been a more loving family to Bo than many of Bo’s blood relations.
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That is priceless. Will you see them over Christmas.
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We were hoping to, but it’s all up in the air now.
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It would be good for you all.
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