Maybe it’s my dear parents influence but I’ve always liked a garden gnome. But for years we had a problem. My partner hated them. Which is unusual as she was the kindest soul going. Never a bad word about anyone. All except gnomes. She had serious issues with them. When I suggested the garden would benefit from at least one of these sweet little chaps the response was razor sharp

If I find one in the garden then it’s getting smashed with a hammer….

Even when I suggested that a gnome would significantly raise the IQ in the garden when I was gardening alone, the response was similarly brutal

The garden gnome will get it then your next…..

What I will now tell you will probably get a really pissed off spirit coming my way. I might have ignored my partner just a tad. A few gnomes did get sneaked into the garden. To ensure their life expectancy was measured in days rather than seconds they needed to go into deep cover. Very deep cover. The compost heap, under bushes, hid behind plant pots. Unbelievably a few survived the inevitable apocalypse.

One such hardy soul is still with us. Now he is enjoying life in the open. He has long forgotten the long years buried under the hedge. He’s a gnome from my favourite footy team. He’s over 20 years old and is still to see his team win anything. What was I thinking of when as a toddler when I picked Newcastle United as my team. I could have picked a team which won things. No I picked the team which is in a permanent state of chaos, a never ending winless soap story. No wonder the poor gnome looks so washed out. I went through a stage of telling the gnome the teams results. Unfortunately as that usually entailed breaking the bad news of another defeat I changed to just letting him know of good team news. As a result I haven’t spoken to the gnome in years…….

72 thoughts on “Gnomeless”

  5. LOL!! I am sorry but I can relate very well to how your partner felt about them. I consider myself being a peaceful soul but garden gnomes (and clowns!)… I don’t know what that is… lol.

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  9. I happen to like Garden Gnomes. I’m glad you were able to protect the poor little guy. I supported our NFL team, even when they were losing, until they moved away. Now I ignore the greedy NFL.
    I’ll stick with the NHL and the Detrot Red Wings! #LGRW
    💌

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  10. Love this post. I feel the same with picking Aston Villa! It was more enforced than self selected though. I don’t have too much of a beef with gnomes. Raisins and sultanas though, don’t get me started ….

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  14. Lol…

    I have a niece who has a serious hate for gnomes. I’m undecided on them. Andrew would be all for it to spite our niece. But the fellow would have to have the right Panache. He can’t be just any ordinary knome. He has to have a story and a strong spirit. And he better be worth his weight in salt. I’d say that he also needs to earn his keep, but that might be too harsh.

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  18. This made my heart swell in affection for you even more. Gotta love garden gnomes they get a bad rap really. At our local flower festival Floriade there is a garden gnome painting competition. Love the idea of stumbling across one obscured in the undergrowth, this post really made my afternoon. 🎅this santa is the closet I can find to a garden gnome icon.

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