Every single day we have two pigeons who plonk themselves on the back garden fence. It starts off all very civilised then after a few minutes, it all kicks off. Gets a little bit racy.

I like to think of it as two Pigeons practising for their WWE wrestling trials. Clearly what we are seeing is a spectacular flying elbow seamlessly transitioning into a deadly Coup de Grace finisher. Apparently son is not convinced. He is picking up the courage to explain the birds and the bees to me.

After an all too short wrestling match (or something else) the two move apart and refuse to talk to each other. So like life really……

So last week it was the last Terrible Poetry contest. To much celebrations it looked like I had hung up my poetry pants for good. Well….

This weeks sees Chelsea replace her old contest with The Weekly Hilarity Contest. This week the rules are

  • Write a short story, poem, song, or really long sentence about Birds.
  • Don’t make it too long. We’ve got real life to get back to.
  • The goal is to make me, the judge LAUGH ALOUD. Whoever tickles my funny bone the best will be crowned champion.
  • As a tip, I generally think and live in a G-rated world. I don’t find crude or profane things very humorous.

You have till 10:00 a.m. MDT next Friday (May 8) to let Chelsea have your entry.

**************

So my poetry retirement lasted 6 days. Sorry to disappoint everyone. Unusually this poem is not aimed at Boris Johnson. However as Boris is a massive BIRD brain, I did find a way to get a little abuse hurled at him – points will be awarded to the first person to find it in this hopefully truly appalling poem. See Terrible Poetry still lives………

Blimey what are those birds doing

Oh it’s such seedy x-rated viewing

Really, on our back garden fence as well

Is it not behaviour best saved for a seedy motel

Surely they are spoiling our gorgeous farmland view

Interrupting our peaceful world with something so taboo

Spending every day exchanging birdie pleasantries

Always trying to make so many more feathered babies

Fooling around as if there is no tomorrow

Oh having such fun and never showing any sorrow

One overriding thought about those feathered huggers

Lashings of rummy pumpy, those lucky little buggers

My excuse is that we don’t use a G rating in the UK. So I assume that G means Generally any word is Good to use.

69 thoughts on “Birds”

  3. Photos are great. We had two pigeons we nicknamed Portly and Breast, they ere huge and we were surprised boughs didn’t break when they landed or one was catapulted into orbit when the other took off.

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      1. Yeah and you wanna see the size of this pigeon too. I think cos the sea gulls have stopped circling overhead… no school kids apart from the ‘hub’ ones along the road so so no grub, this fat lardass has got really bold, Smashed the bird feeder to bits the other day. he mops up every bit of food, chases the other birds and bullies the two hen pigeons he runs with, and won’t get lost when you chase it either. . Yeah it’s a greedy Boris all right. Pity they don’t come out at night cos then the fox might get him. Good meal for someone right now.

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  7. Oh goodness! 🙈 I’ve never seen Mr & Mrs Percy that live at Rory’s engaging in such behavior. On the garden fence too?? Tsk tsk tsk…

    I’d love to know how Son finally explains it to you🤣🤣🤣💌

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  16. Lol, bless them! They’re only doing what many of us would love to do without a care in the world. 💝 Our elderly cockatiels are even at it just now. There will be no eggs though as Crystal has had the birdie menopause. 😂

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  23. Pingback: WINNER of the Weekly Hilarity Contest 5/8/2020 | Chelsea Ann Owens

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