Yesterday the sun was shining and the garden was filled with colour. Today the sun is gone. It’s cold, very cold. A biting strong wind blows across a grey landscape.

The weather matches my mood…..

After days of care free smiles, today the smile is a little forced. Thoughts are a little darker. The world seems a cold and increasingly lonely place. Rather than thinking of memories as precious blessings, all too easily my wanders to thoughts of what has been lost. What is no more. Waves of self doubt crash in. Problems outweigh opportunities.

But that’s life. Just like the weather you get good days then bad days. In my case the secret is to try and make sure it doesn’t turn into Good Days and then Bad Weeks. That’s the risk with my depression. It’s so easy for me to fall into that negative mindset. Nothing comes after the Bad times. Life becomes a never ending slog.

I look out of the window at the awful weather and what do I see. Yes no sun, but the white and red flowers are still there. They still have colour and beauty. That reminds me that the weather may change but hope can always remain. Got to keep working at this thing called life. Bad times will pass and the sun will return. Yes even in Yorkshire.

As I get older, I become more convinced that life, bereavement, whatever journey I’m on is like swimming. Swimming to an ever receding islands. As hard as I swim, that island can never be reached. If I stop trying then I will definitely start to drown. Somedays the waves are heavy, the tide against me. Swimming is so hard. But if I keep going then eventually the waves will ease and that tide will change. Flowing in my direction. Still have to work but suddenly swimming becomes enjoyable. Enjoy those moments, live in the moment.

So today the swimming is hard work. But got to keep going. Got to keep aiming for that island.

124 thoughts on “Swimming

  1. I’ve been thinking about you and Son today, hoping you found a few happy moments, or if not happy, content and peaceful.

    You’re right, the bad times don’t last forever, even if they seem to. Laughter and joy will be yours again. For Son, and for you.💌💌

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good analogy.
    Made me realize I’m treading water, no islands visible and unable to decide which direction to swim cause I don’t see a goal.

    I hope you find depressed days with happy MONTHS

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Let’s hope that whilst the waves are crashing around one of us, there are others in still waters, grabbing a life jacket to help us carry on to the island safely.

    My depression is the same. If I allow it to take hold it becomes far more than one or two ‘bad days’. It does pass. I’m sorry you were feeling that way. Always here if you need a friendly ‘virtual’ hug x

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I run alone. I put my earphones in and listen to music. Years ago I ran with a friend of mine, that was good.
        I’m glad you are managing. It’s hard not to let it take over, especially now when life is on hold. Especially for you with additional challenges in your life. Maybe you could start yoga too? 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yep. I prefer solo running. I find my own pace that way and it feels more comfortable. I sort a lot of things out in my head when I run. I wish you were able to get out for your runs. It would help you so much x

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      1. Not yet. I did get a new pair of running shoes for my birthday but I am saving them for when I can get out and get a nice long run in. Any long runs for you?

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      2. No just running round and round the garden. Definitely looks like school for son is closed till at least September. So guessing That garden is going to be the only runs for the next 3.5 months. So miss the runs. I bet your missing them so much as well.

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      3. Yes. In my area I think I could get out and run but I think I have to wear a face mask. I’d rather not do that. Just going to wait it out. Probably good for all my aches and pains to recover.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I do! Bob and I have worked out a schedule – I can run from 7-8 or from 8-9 in the morning. So I can get some legit miles in, but nothing too long. But you are right, I can get some miles in and that’s something!

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      1. no. That’s why this is so weird. Last time I remember was early May 1980 as I was in college and we walked through 5″ of snowy slush to go lay out at the lake.

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  4. I had a major depression a few years ago – brought on by exhaustion and extensive worries over a long period of time. If there was one goal you would like to achieve, what would that be?

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  5. Wow…your thoughts here are so like mine. I just recently compared my health struggles to that scene in Castaway where Tom Hanks takes his raft out on the water but he can’t get past those crashing waves. But I’m stubborn. I don’t give up. And as Tom put it, you never know what the tide might bring in. That’s hope. ☺ I hope you see brighter skies again soon. Prayers going up… I still believe the best is yet to come, and we can thrive even in difficulties.

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  6. Reading this is sadly relatable. I believe both our thoughts are wondering. Please just keep pushing forward. And push those sad days out of your mind. I am thinking of you, Gary. You can email you have it. Or I believe you do still. Hugs😔

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I have my moments with things too. It’s ok to have those moments for however long you need – just don’t let it exhaust you or take your spirit ??

    Life is just gonna suck … we gonna lose people before we ready, shits gonna hit the fan, money is gonna suck, I have suck stuff too. I also have those moments too…

    But you seem to be quite together, and pretty strong – that’s admirable considering what you went through!

    Life doesn’t really give you moments to process through things – it just keeps coming at you. So ya know it’s hard.

    But from the outside – you seem pretty together… you have quite the funny stories, and opinions lol ✌️ … it’s ok to feel down and miss – you always gonna have that.

    I’m just saying don’t be so hard on yourself – you’re doing good.

    I’m sorry you are sad 😔

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well yeah, you can’t give up … don’t miss life either

        Even in my lowest moments … I try to remember what is in my life that I am blessed with, and I am alive… I also always remember, there is always someone out there who has it way worse. My life is a gift that I don’t know how long I will get to have for… so I don’t want to miss the full potential of my gift? Lol odd way to put it – but whatever … I just don’t wanna miss what I do have, because life crushed me – and I’m stubborn… reminds me of the song “this little light of mine” ✌️… I just do that lol

        It doesn’t help matters much with the weather you have – the gray cold cloudy/rainy stuff is nice once in awhile – but that CAN effect how you feel.

        Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth it… and the things that are worth it – are always hard ✌️

        Glad you are better today.

        Yeah I’m smiling – I smile a lot – I use comedy to get through things … have to smile to be ok… the day my smile stops, will be the day I’m done ✌️

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Had my own experiences so just how it shaped out for me. Is different view for everyone

        I don’t view smile in same category as rent 😝😄✌️

        Gonna be a dork for a sec…
        A smile is the shortest distance between 2 people ❤️

        A smile is a curve that sets everything straight ❤️

        Use your smile to change the world, don’t let the world change your smile ✌️❤️

        A smile is a universal welcome 💕

        Peace begins with a smile ✌️

        And although I have thousands more I can shoot off lol… here is just one more…

        A smile is a light in the window of your soul.

        A smile is always free… you just have to be the one to find it in your own way. ✌️

        Ps sorry about the dork vomit – happens lol … wasn’t a cheerleader – but totally coulda been if we had been anywhere long enough 😄✌️

        Liked by 1 person

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