I’ve lost my Idiots Guide to Parenting book again. Just when I really need it.

“Dad so the options are Man & Woman, Man & Man, Woman & Woman, Genetically Created, No defined sexual orientation, weird different species options…. are there any other options. I guess Guardians of the Galaxy opens up the Man & Alien option.”

This is not the first time I’ve faced this question. Since the last time he’s added at least one other option. My stock answer can’t be used now. Why don’t you ask your Mum, she’s good at that sort of thing….

So how do I answer this. Thinking back to my childhood doesn’t really provide much help. At school we had one lesson about the birds and the bees. The teacher said watch this video and went outside for a smoke. The video started with a couple holding hands. We then got a cartoon description of some of the body parts then finished with footage of an actual birth. Unfortunately a lad called Martin was sick at the sight of the birth and the video had to be stopped. After Martin’s mess had been cleaned up the teacher finished with the immortal line.

I’m not going to bother restarting the video now as we can start the Games lesson early. Surely you get the picture now. Remember you can’t start having babies until your 18. Any questions go and see the school nurse…

My parents approach was very much – well that’s schools job. So that was it for my birds and the bees education.

So having quickly reviewed my extensive memory banks I was pretty confident with my answer to today’s question. I think that probably covers it really. I decided to gloss over the Man & Android option you get in some Sci Fi movies. It’s amusing how even after all these years I still get hot under the collar with this type of question. It feels way easier answering questions like what is a magnetic field and what’s the French for hairdressers. Maybe after society finally gets round to completing my birds and the bees education, then I will feel so much more relaxed with this question.

82 thoughts on “Options”

  2. We got a verbal list by an imported school nurse that included all sorts of taboo questions we weren’t allowed to ask. I mean, why would anyone want to know about her sex life is beyond me. Because of that list, we ended up thinking about nothing else but her sex life while she gave us the clinical version of a sex lesson.

    This was in high school. And, in the 1980 (Canada).
    😂

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  3. I know we had sex ed at school, but I don’t remember it. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Like most other people, I learned the old fashioned way… by trial & error😉😂😂
    With my girls, I talked a LOT about the emotional repercussions. They had the internet, they could see porn whenever. I always use the “correct” terms too… it seems to weird people out more and that cracks me up🤷🏼‍♀️😂😂
    I’m glad you didn’t faint when Son gave you “the talk”😂💌

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  6. I’m so old we didn’t have sex education lessons at school, plus I did German rather than biology. I seem to recall sending off for a booklet which came in a brown paper envelope which rather aroused my parents suspicions. However, they were relieved not to have to tell me themselves.

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  8. I never got the talk, which I guess I am kind of grateful for. If I had any questions, I wasn’t going to be asking my parents either. That is kind of cool your son is comfortable with you to have the conversation, though. My big kids are going through human growth and development in their health classes, so we are getting to “the nitty-gritty” together (thanks a lot homeschooling!). We’ll see what kind of questions pop up I guess 🙂

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      1. Oh my word. It’s ironic that we had this conversation today as Health today for Catelyn was a bit traumatic for her. Well, for the both of us. She learned a lot more than I think she wanted to. In the picture where I had to submit her assignment about the reproductive system she was crying. Seemed to fit.

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    1. My 12 year came into me the other day and said, very matter of fact, “when it goes up it just won’t go down again”. I figured if you don’t know what to say, best say nothing at all!

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  11. At some time or the other, we parents must face these uncomfortable questions. As a single parent, while raising my two sons in Brazil, I used the popular nightly ‘novelas’–the Brazilian soap opera TV series–to discuss all the issues between the genders depicted in the stories.

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  13. I’m with Martin. Yeck. 🤮 🤣

    Seventh grade science class…we got a video, too. 1978-1979. I remember thinking to myself “GROSS”, which covered sex AND childbirth. 😆 I guess the idea is to freak us out as early as possible to mitigate whoopsies.

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  14. Come on people. This is the year 2020. There is nothing shameful about sex, or procreation. What are your kids going to think about you if you refuse to explain. If they are asking, they have enough information already to formulate the questions. If you cop out it is going to make them more curious, more explorative. Many humans have their lives screwed up by wrong information, or trying to keep sex a secret. Do you really want your children as screwed up as you are?

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  16. Good luck to you! I have the feeling that you will do just fine! Especially because he seems comfortable asking you. Its ok if you are sweating when you answer, he won’t care, he isn’t looking for a complex answer just wants to hear it in your own words. 🙂

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  18. I’ve no actual recollection of having that conversation with my kids but they both know the details. My son has no desire to ever talk about it. And my daughter goes into great detail telling me the mating habits of different animals, but also surprises me by talking about things like polyamory. She is very mature for her age! Just like I was.

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  19. Hmm. That is a tough one. My mom was not good with this subject. Let’s see my talk started like this. Mom- Do I need to explain to you about ”women’s things” or do you know? Me -Are you talking about Sex? Mom- awkward moment stares “yes” Me- “No I know mom- “ ok good” . So yes a good talk . Lol🤷🏻‍♀️

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