These are real survival plants. Will grow anywhere. It’s found on the paths, driveways, curb sides and stone surfaces.

“Dad have you noticed how often on the survival programmes like Bear Grylls, they frequently have clean clothes on after a night in the tent or sleeping out in a forest. The hair is perfectly combed and they don’t look like they have had the best sleep ever. Even though the camp is flooded. You can’t even look like that sleeping in your own bed.”

He’s right as usual. I seem to have moved from just needing a little touching up around the face in the morning to a full cement mixer and construction team.

“It’s as if they had not bothered with the tent and gone for a good nights sleep at the local hotel.”

Well funny you should say that and Bear. To be fair to Bear, I bet all the survival TV personalities do that. Finish filming, erect a shelter then bugger off to the nearest hotel. Actually it’s an excellent survival strategy. Save the tent for when you really have to use it.

I remember climbing in Torridon (Scotland) with a friend. We got caught out in a dreadful snow storm. We managed to get off the mountain but were completely lost. The blizzard got seriously bad as night fell. Couldn’t see more than a few feet in front of us. We found a level spot and pitched an emergency shelter. We spent a cold, damp and very hungry night in that cramped hell hole. When we woke the next day we found a blue sky winter wonderland. We also found that we had camped in a field only 40 yards from a hotel, bar and restaurant. Drat …. So Bear if you want to sleep in a hotel, well go for it fella.

So while we are on the subject of survival skills…..

It’s Thursday so it’s time for our weekly bit of fun. Wow this blog certainly needs that. So let’s have a little dabble with Chelsea Owens and her weekly hilarity challenge (sorry, not sure that came out sounding entirely decent). This week the challenge is

“Your writing prompt?

  • “…[T]here really is no valid excuse for an able-bodied person going out of his head from being bewildered in the big woods so long as he has a gun and ammunition, or even a few dry matches and a jackknife.”
  • Use it or be inspired by it to write a funny SHORT story.
  • Please keep your response to 200 words or fewer.
  • Remember: make me laugh. I can’t see how you’d go this route, but please also keep things clean.”

You have till 8:00 a.m. MDT next Friday (May 22) to enter at Chelsea’s blog

A mouse took a stroll through a deep dark wood

Unfortunately Bear Grylls was in the neighbourhood

Eating a mouse is great television, so watch for the trap

The mouse is caught, consumed in one, the scene is a wrap

Now time for Bear to light a fire with only a wet leaf and knife

Then tell a story about how he is missing a comfy bed and wife

Time to build a shelter from just some twigs and his underpants

Now Bear shows how to clean his teeth using some angry army ants

Look to camera and announce its time to hunker down for the cold night

Then jump in the car, head to the warm hotel and really satisfy that appetite.

49 thoughts on “Survival”

  1. I love Bear’s shows, but I have exactly the same question! When I go camping, I’m nowhere near ready for the camera. I also need more than a wet leaf and an army ant to put food in my belly, lol.

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  2. Your post does not need anymore fun …
    Clumsiness and your son’s astute comments about your appearance are all we need for a good belly laugh. Nice poem though. You have a way with words 😉

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  5. Oh my gosh, I can relate. Before Bob and I had kids we went on this hike once fancying ourselves the outdoorsy, can handle anything, type. Three hours later we ended up in someone’s backyard and were so thankful to find civilization again. During quarantine, we did it again with the kids. Not smart. We are not smart at all. Funny poem too – great job!

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  8. Ha ha ha I wonder if the producers will use the idea of dining on mice?

    I have never watched that show but have seen it advertised. You son makes a good point. I have watched “Survivor” (not for many years though). I remember scenes where a contestant was badly hurt and the drama that ensued and remember thinking “Pu;eeze! It’s not as if there isn’t a camera crew and a medical team standing by”. Perhaps I am a bit cynical but survival shows are so annoying.

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  10. Pingback: Survival – Everything About Me In 2020

  11. Even sleeping in my own bed I’m looking pretty rough around the edges these days. No doubt someone somewhere might think I’d camped out in my backyard but nope, just living this lovely corona life. 😆

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  14. Pingback: WINNER of the Weekly Hilarity Contest 5/22/2020 | Chelsea Ann Owens

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