Yes we can do blue skies…..

It didn’t last long but it was most gratefully received.

Trying to facilitate son’s return to the big bad world is not going to be easy. It’s going to take a long time and much patience. It has to be done at a pace which he is comfortable with. That’s the plan but then the real world comes a knocking.

His fears of bugs and illnesses have gone into overdrive in 2020. Can’t think why! We have established routines for accepting deliveries and post. Any trip through the front door requires what feels like full biological decontamination protocols. It’s not really about blocking out a virus, it’s about managing anxiety.

Over the last three months we have managed two very short circular car drives. But now we face our first real test. A phone call from my garage telling me that finally an essential car part has made its way from China. So it’s time to get the car’s breaking system fixed. So on Monday I have to drive 20 miles, drop off the car and pick up a garage pool car. Then later in the day return to the garage and pick up a fixed car. Normally this process would be done seamlessly. Now it’s a logistical and anxiety nightmare.

Does son stay at home while I go to the garage? On my return I can undertake full biological decontamination. Son struggles with being alone. He will be stressed out with being by himself for a couple of hours. He will be super stressed out with my exposure to the real world.

Or does he comes with me? Yes that avoids the stress of being alone BUT…. Suddenly son would be exposed to the real world. And lots of it. A garage filled with strangers. A pool car which will have had other people sat in the seats. Touching the surfaces. Another stress inducing nightmare for him….

So currently I don’t know what will happen on Monday. I’m getting stressed out trying to run through all the possible logistical permutations. But that pales into insignificance to the bucket loads of stress which will be hitting our son. Again I can’t find a helpful section on this in the How To Be Parent Book. One day someone is going to make a bucket load of money writing this. Well if they could get it published within the next few days you can count on one sale from me…..

68 thoughts on “Useful Book”

  2. Have you asked your son what he would prefer? It might be a matter of which scenario is less stressful for him? I don’t know. I’m sorry. I wish I had the answer. I will definitely pray for both of you.

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  4. Perhaps you can take along a blanket in which he can wrap himself up while sitting in the other car. I could imagine he would rather go with you than staying home alone.

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  6. Sadly there is no parenting handbook and if there was one, one size wouldn’t fit all! Not terribly helpful I’m afraid. I too would vote for the blanket, you and the strange car – but what do I know?

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  8. Oh my gosh, what a tough situation. I am so sorry. I hope you can find a way to let him feel safe with either scenario. Thinking of you guys! And if you get a hold of that parenting book let me know 🙂

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  9. Alas no-one really knows how to be a parent, there’s no helpful map or guide book. Maybe that is why there is no book. It will be it all if on Monday your boy goes, ‘Okay Dad, let’s go.’ Unlikely but then again you can never second guess, first guess or even tenth guess kids.

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      1. Maybe. Very difficult situation for you but I am sure it will come right. I always call it dodging the bullet…you know where the thing you are thinking… now what and how I will do this and you have sleepless nights over suddenly becomes a piece of cake when the other person suddenly decides to offer you that cake by NOT doing what is written in the script. Hope this all comes right xxxx

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      3. Hell. Enough to make you overthink anything, let alone right now. But you are not overthinking anything, just looking out for your son, the thing that is most important in life. xxx

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  10. Hmm… what would I do??

    Well… it would be good to get out… you haven’t left the house in awhile right?

    Ok well how about making it like a video game? You 2 are the avengers – you have a mission lol…

    You can gear up… put on some protective masks… do you have a belt you can hang stuff from? Or tuck stuff in… get your gear ready… some hand sanitizer… maybe some Lysol for zaps just in case. Lysol will be your loaded weapon…

    Get in the vehicle… complete your mission… 2 times … maybe see if you can beat your time the 2nd time (safely of course)

    The reward for completing this mission… ummm … I want to say staying alive… but don’t think that’s a good thing to say…

    Hmm what could the reward be? What does he find enticing?? That would not be an issue with virus

    Baby steps – but be good for him to get out of the house, see that the world is still there… less crowds… just a tiny sample of the world… life is going to come knocking … it would be best to prepare him. Slowly so it’s not all at once.

    One small step for you both… one giant leap for the world 🚀

    Do you accept this mission? lol

    Kidding – but I would do something like that… make it sound not so terrifying. Still being safe and cautious… but also maybe a cool adventure!!! ❤️✌️

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  11. I do not say this to be mean. Slip him a sleeping pill, let him fall asleep, then go. He won’t know he is alone. Leave the door unlocked in case of emergency, with a note on the door saying a boy, a dog, a cat, and other live things are inside. Come back as soon as possible. Leave picking up the car till the next day, and repeat the process. All done, and he doesn’t know.
    Not kosher, I know. But stress-saving, for sure.

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  12. I always said you bring home a tiny 6 to 8 pound infant (give or take) and never imagine the tons of guilt that come with their arrival. Yes, we love them dearly but wish they came with explicit instructions. Sadly life is a learning situation. I am so sorry for the stress you must be going through trying to figure it out and sadly have not one iota of advice to give. But I do have every confidence in you. You are a stellar parent and somehow or other you will figure out how to handle this (with son’s input, of course). Wishing you the best of luck, Gary. I will be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

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  13. I think making the trip as safe for him as possible is the way to go! Gear up in bin liners, disinfectant wipes, masks…
    With Ben, sometimes we just have to do things, knowing it may result in a full meltdown. We don’t give a big lead up but do prepare him. Then we matter of fact do what we set out to do.

    You both know he will have to venture past the gate at some point. I think this will be hard yes, but when it’s over it will have been accomplished. The FEAR of doing it will be lessened. The germs are still out there yes, but he will have been out there and survived.

    Sometimes a little push is needed to get past the fear.

    I wouldn’t offer the delay option. Either go with or wait. Let him choose, of course.

    I’m betting he hates the fear and the restrictions. I’m betting it’s a big blow to his self esteem, that fear. Son is a very smart young man.

    Hugs!💌💌

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  14. Can you take two sheets for him to wrap around himself? Wrap himself in one in case he has to wait somewhere for the loaner car, then wrap the second sheet around him in the new car? If he can just go from one car to the other, only one sheet necessary..

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  15. Sadly, there are no parenting books that cover this. You and he will work it out, and it won’t be perfect, but you’ll both be okay. Perhaps it would help to remind him how very important good, reliable brakes are? Hugs to you both. xx

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  20. Totally understand this. When I was working (and only part-time) I used to have to leave Simon on his own for a few hours and I would return to a pent up lad pacing the driveway. or calls from neighbours telling me they were worrie. Such a difficult dilemma and a nightmare when you have to sort it all out on your own with no one to lean on. Hoping you choose the better of the two evils whichever it is.

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