It’s been a few months since I went trail running along this route. The first time I did this route I remember thinking that the route will gentle meander up the hill. Wrong. A direct, straight up mud fest.

When we came walking here with the dog I remember telling our son that the route was into the trees. Straight up and then down the other side. His response

Why don’t we just walk round the base of the hill. We will eventually end up in roughly the same place. Makes more sense to me.

That is the perfect metaphor for life and parenting. It’s something I’m desperate to learn from.

Each person, each child is unique. What works for one person may not work for another. My path might be right for me but is it really the right path for our son. The answer is probably NO. So why should be follow me up that hill path. He sees the world through his eyes not mine. He will see and interpret things differently to me. He has to find the route that works for him. That’s the way he becomes the person that he was meant to be. Not the person I, or the government or society believes he should be. He has to live his OWN life. Become the person he is most at ease with. His true self.

Dad why wasn’t I christened?”

Because that has to be YOUR decision not OURS…..

I might be convinced that homeschooling is best for him. But only HE really knows, so it has to be his call. If in September he decides that school is safe and that it’s where he wants to learn then he will go back.

It’s tough for the parent. Trying to find the right balance. I probably get it wrong every single day. But the secret is to learn from those mistakes. Parents should learn just as much or more from their children than we teach them. So hopefully I can stop myself from saying things like

  • You need to do…
  • This is what will happen…
  • This is best for you…
  • That is wrong for you…
  • This is the truth…

Replace these phrases with

  • What do you think…
  • How do you see things…
  • What is your heart telling you…
  • What works for you…
  • This is only my opinion…
  • It’s your call…

Ultimately it’s HIS life. It’s the ultimate privilege that he allows me access his world. To sometimes act sometimes as guide and but more often just as a companion. But it’s a two way process. He also guides me. More than he realises. Until he decides to spread his wings and fly, then I’ve made the life choice to be that companion and occasional guide.

63 thoughts on “His eyes

  1. Children are a blessings from God, for myself I have baptize all of my children, one was my birth child, they other two are adopted out of foster care. The most important thing I could teach each one of my children is to have a walk with Christ. We all have struggles in our life and it is so hard to do it alone. My oldest and birth daughter is chronically ill and has been for years I could never image doing this journey without my husband by my side and without my daily walk with Christ. We all try to do our best in raising our children and the most important thing is also unconditional love we have for them, that same love that God has for all of us. You are strong, and a blessing to your son.
    Blessings

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      1. It is at that, she has many different autoimmune diseases as well as rare and the doctors found she has a tumor in her adrenal gland which can be cancer. Life is never easy for any of us however God’s promise once we accept Him as our Savior is Never will I leave you never will I forsake you (Hebrews 13:5) and He has never left me, Praise His Name. I will keep you in my prayers that he will comfort you during this difficult season.
        Blessings

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  2. I had to look up what a christening was. I was wondering if it was like a baby dedication, but nope, it’s more like a baptism. Yeah, I agree. It doesn’t make sense to baptise a child. Baptism has to be a choice.

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      1. The importance of baptism or christening pretending to be baptism? Can I say that!? 😮 I actually don’t know anything about christening. Baptizing babies is a bit controversial.

        Choosing baptism I know a bit about because I took that plunge. I think it’s important because it’s an act of obedience towards God. It’s also a public declaration of our commitment to Him and we were commanded to baptise and be baptised. So if God says it’s important I listen to that. 😊

        I personally wanted to do it, but I really had serious stage fright. This was one of those fears I had to face. Mostly it was the talking part I was afraid of. I thought that I’d have to give a testimony like everyone else seemed to be doing. I was really really shy back then. I can still get that way a bit around new people. Long story short, I didn’t have to give my testimony. Which was good because I thought I didn’t have one. Because the Pastor knew that I was so timid about talking in front of everyone he did most of the talking for me, asked me a couple of simple to answer questions and then dunk… and it was done and I was happy I did it. It was one of those ridiculous fears that lied to me for a long time. (5 years) It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. 😄

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      2. Was there many at the ceremony? I understand why you went ahead with it. Given the fears that must have taken so much courage on your part. I suspect my fears would have got the better of me. How did you cope with your marriage ceremony? 😀

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      3. Yes, there was a fair amount of people at that church service. I couldn’t even look at the crowd. 😮 I was very uncomfortable, and I felt a bit ridiculous that I couldn’t speak.

        We had a small marriage ceremony. It was just close friends and family. Even then, I still remember feeling really strange as words came out of my mouth. Is that my voice? That doesn’t sound like my voice. Why is my voice doing that? I definitely was very self-conscious back then. Way too self-consious! I’m glad I got over a lot of that. Some situations definitely still trigger a bit of that fear, but I have also learned to push through it. You should see the first video I made for one of my online communities. You can hear the anxiety in my voice! It’s still a really awkward video to me.

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      4. You made it through many things and you are still pressing on. That’s such a good thing. My voice just doesn’t seem like it’s mine when the pressure is on. It’s like it’s coming from a leprechaun stood behind me. He definitely has such a nervous voice. Thankfully I’m slowly learning to ignore that little chap behind me. Sometimes we are so much better at noticing the nerves in our voices than other people listening to us. In a crowd I tend to either imagine no one is listening to me or the common approach of imagining the crowd are partially naked. Problem is that later would be so inappropriate for a church. Need to work on a plan C😀

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      5. 😂 Yes, a plan C sounds like a good plan. Autocorrect wanted me to say plan Christ. I guess I type Christ a lot. Well, in my first video I think everyone could see and hear those nerves. It was pretty obvious. I’ve gotten better at hiding it, but then I’m also not as nervous, or I’m better at ignoring those nerves and just doing it. I have had a goal to make a video for WordPress like I’ve done for my other blogging communities, but in the last three years my confidence slid a bit backwards given the struggle. I’m getting there. Maybe one day you will see a new video appear on my blog. I do really want to do part 2 of “The Plan” I so wish I hadn’t put “to be continued” at the end of that video. 😁 Now I feel that it is unfinished, and I’m stubborn. I don’t like leaving things unfinished. We’ll see…

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  3. My Older Daughter still complains that the rules were different for her sister. She thinks I favor(ed) her sister. I DID have different rules… they are/were different people.
    Parenting isnt a one size fits all, even within the same family.

    Both of my daughters are awesome young women and I’m proud of them, I like spending time with them.

    Ben is a charming, funny, sensitive little guy and I’m very happy to know him too. He keeps me smiling… when he isn’t driving me insane😉 (I think that’s every kid’s job though, making their carers a little crazy🤣)
    💌

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  4. The hardest task, ,my friend, is parenting. As I said there’s no guide book or map. you do make it up as you go along cos ultimately in this sometimes thankless task, You don’t want thanked, you just want to know you have equipped them as best as you can for life, that can only happen with the phrases you talk of.

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      1. They abso will and you know it will be because of how you quietly got it right. Not the jokes or fashion sense in their eyes. But the way you let them breathe and gave them the freedom to make their own mistakes.

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  5. We got the email from the school and I had to fill a form out for each kid – what did they want for next year. Do they want to stay home and school here or do they want to go to school wearing a mask, staying away from peers, and maybe only three days a week. Declan chose to stay home, the other two chose to go via the bus with the safety measures. I agree though – it was their choice, not mine.

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      1. I don’t really know. Nothing is set in stone, it was just a survey to see where the population was at mentally. Declan was concerned about having to follow all the rules. He hates getting yelled at and I think he is sure he would mess up somehow. But I guess if he is schooling from home, I am stuck here everyday.

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  6. I love the 6 new phrases. “What does your heart tell you?” I wonder if my son would be able to answer that, so good to get them on that path early.

    I didn’t christen my kids either, wanted them to choose for themselves. But they have both flown away from the Church, so I 2nd guess myself. Would christening have held them closer to church??

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  7. So true that we learn as much from them as they from us… I just hope and pray they don’t make the same mistakes and inherit the self-limiting thoughts I made and had growing nip. But alas, I think making mistakes is part of the human condition. 💕

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