And another rose photo…. I have to say out garden is blessed with weeds and roses. Each year they appear and they always feel like the return of friends.

Last night I had another weird dream. This time it took me back to my university days. It started off by showing that my career path had been influenced by a slip of a pen. I had applied to do a degree in Economics but had been put on a Home Economics course. A degree in cooking for the worlds worst chef, OK.… But the main part of the dream was centred around friendships. All my college friends were on the course but no one recognised me. As hard as I tried, nothing. I was just blanked by them. Most unsettling.

As ever the weird dream put an end to my nighttime sleep hopes. So it was time to drink tea and think. A quick search on the internet found recent pictures of some of my old college friends. I just about recognised them. Would they remember my face which is perfect for radio – probably the same I guess. But here’s the key thing. These were really close friends. Yet when was the last time we met up in person. Our careers and life’s moved us apart. I’m not sure it was even this century. But it doesn’t stop there

  • I haven’t seen my schools friends since I first left my childhood home to go to University.
  • One really close school friend I did keep in contact with. We would meet up every few months. But again our life’s drifted further apart and the last time I heard she was living in Israel. That must be over 20 years ago.
  • My climbing friends still keep in touch via letters. Yes letters – how old fashioned does that sound…But we haven’t been climbing together in 6 years.
  • I still keep in regular text contact with a good friend who I went to football matches with. But I’ve stopped going to games now due to circumstances, so we don’t meet up in person.
  • Work and parenting friendships have come and gone.
  • Friends in the village have dwindled. Some have moved away, some have sadly left this world.

So in terms of actual physical friend meet-ups it’s down to one chap I normally work with. He occasionally drags me for a game of golf. There are so many stories right there – my golf career is about as good as my cooking career. But due to the pandemic I have not seen him since the start of March.

Life and my choices have sent me down this path. Living in a rural area, bereavement, single parenting and autism in the house have all contributed. But it is was it is. A huge element of personal choice comes into the mix as well.

Yes this is sad but I am so lucky. The gaps left here have created space for blogging friendships. I’m doing the best job in the world – parenting. Job is the wrong word, it’s more a privilege. I have a great life. But I do so worry for others. Feeling alone can be such a dark place. Alone and yet claustrophobic. No one to reach out to. No one to interact or grow with. Some choose that option freely. But many are forced into it by circumstance. Illness, age, special needs parenting, single parenting, location, social factors, fears and yes a pandemic. It’s so easy and unfortunately very convenient to forget about those who drop off the grid. Last night was a timely reminder for me.

Take care my friends.

94 thoughts on “Lost Friends”

  1. I’ve lost touch with everyone I knew at school and pretty much everyone I knew at university. I’m not even very good at staying in contact with people from my last job.

    Sometimes I wonder how people are doing, but life moves on.

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  2. People come and go, even those who seemed the closest of friends at one time. Life moves us on. All that remains are memories and dreams too.
    ‘As one door closes, another one opens…’ my father always said that. He was correct. I’ve vowed to always be open to new friendships and in these ongoing days of lockdown everyone’s become a ‘virtual’ friend.

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  3. Blog friendships are the only friendships I have right now. It’s all I can handle. They are true, genuine friends, even if we’ve never met in person. I have my daughters for concerts or a meal out if I want that. I am an introvert by nature and prefer time by myself.
    It IS my choice and I do feel bad for people who are alone, not by choice. I hope they can find supportive, caring connections on the interwebs like so many of us have found through blogging.
    💌

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  5. Pingback: Lost Friends – Radically Saved

  6. Friends? What are friends? People you once knew, who once knew you. Or at least you thought you did. You especially thought they knew you. But in the end, noone knows anyone. Everyone changes, everyone becomes different people. Even you. Even me.
    Old friends might recognize my face. If I recognize their faces, it’s more like, he or she reminds me of someone. I once asked a young woman if her mother was named Virginia. She replied, Really, rawgod! It was my old friend, twenty-some years down the road. But she looked far younger than the last time I had seen her. Life is strange.
    But I digress. We are changed by our experiences, and how we interpret those experiences. I grew up in the geographical centre of North America, sometimes known as Winnipeg. I have lived on the Atlantic coast, and the Pacific coast. I am now living in the far north. People are different in each place, yet they are the same, too. People are people. No two exactly alike. Feeling very melancholy. Have a nice day.

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  7. My blogging buddies are my real buddies. I have one friend I met at an old job and we will go for a walk every few months. Gosh, it has been over 6 or 7 at this point. But with my personality, it is what works for me. I agree with Angie though – I do feel bad for those that are not able to be around others that want to be.

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  8. You know I think friendship is a funny thing. I sometimes look at people with these wide circles but it always seems to me that it is superficial, there’s just too many in that circle to seriously be a real friend to and I can think of one relative who has a ton but they are all dinner party pals requiring deep pockets, this person’s answer to every problem a friend ever had….’We took them out for dinner,’ as in, what wonderful, understanding people, we are. I have never wanted a lot of friends because I prefer because I want to be a friend and i actually prefer my own company. It is something people never get about me. The friends I have and have had, are, or were friends I have known for seriously long years. It is a handful. Couplewise cos I think that comes in to it, again, we’ve never bothered much. We sometimes go to Glencoe with a friend I have known since we were 13 and obvi her hubby is part of a ‘couple’ that ergo we are pally with. But they don’t live near. And a few years back the Mr’s best pal appeared back in his life courtesy of the second wife there and we see them every so often. But What I am trying to say is we don’t all need this ton of social contacts when are lives are full of other things. You have friends on here–vital when you don’t live in a huge place and you are the one there for your son. And the best thing??? You get sick of us , you can aye press the off switch for a few hours. You are and have found your way through life’s choices. That is what really counts.

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    1. Never get sick of you my friend. I remember a climbing friend who took great pride in having no Facebook friends. He was furious when people started to follow him. I liked his attitude. Life moves on and I bet if I did bump into some old friends we would have little in common now. So yes I prefer people I have a connection with.

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      1. That is so kind of you. I often would say to my girls when they got in bloody great scraps wi their fellahs on social media, and then they were in muahhhhhh floods of tears, you say things on this you would NEVER ever say to someone’s face. And that is true and it is the bad thing about that. BUT, we also say things of value too you might not say straight to someone’s face. You can reach people on here laugh and cry with them. I often think as you say, life is a river. it flows and people are there when you are sometimes looking for a particular thing. And some of these you keep up with even if it is just a Christmas card but I bet if you met them again you either click or think…okaaaaayyyy. Like you say. It is always important to keep moving.

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      3. I see some of the local ‘workies” vans, have started have not very nice things painted about Hancock on them to go along with what they’ve already painted there about Johnson.

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      11. yeah. it’s the kind of place which is literally a lane… too narrow for the van to go down… down onto the shore eventually. First time i drove past, i tell you I nearly crashed, i was that busy looking!!

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  9. I’ve had dreams about returning to school for the 6th form. I can never find my classroom. I left at the end of the fifth in 1972 when I was 16 and went straight into work.
    I wasn’t invited to the school 25 year reunion, and one girl I went to school with let me know about a job going in her office which I applied for and got. We had an off-on friendship at school and went our very separate ways in 1981. I’ve had no contact with anyone else I went to school with other than giving 50p to one who had lost her purse and had no bus fare, and working with the father of another classmate who told me about the reunion when I was working in the Bank (1989-2001)

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      1. I wouldn’t have gone anyway, but by all accounts some of the girl who were swots with great careers ahead of them (tic) were mothers to four or five, and one was regnant with her 6th! The girl who told me about the job (she was the ‘star’ of my piece Pawn of a Loose Woman) had remarried (third time) and had four children, one of which had died and another had cystic fibrosis. I was pleased I got 98% on the quiz sheet that was passed on to me………… that’s better than I ever did on a General Knowledge test!

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  10. I have a few close friends who are now scattered around the globe but we all make an effort to stay in touch, and frankly it’s never been easier. I also have a much larger circle of acquaintances but I still try to keep regularly in touch. My beloved says women are better at doing this but I don’t necessarily agree with him.

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  12. The more I read people’s blogs, the more I find people who are loners, like myself. As you say, Gary, the reasons vary. For me it was personal choice and circumstance actually provided me with a housemate which makes life easier for me, given that I am 72 and semi-disabled. I had planned to be here alone but I have to be honest, it would have been stressful at times. Housemate does his thing and I do mine. I am so lucky! Like you, I think of so many people who are having a really terrible time. I think people’s blogs have taken on a whole new importance. I have met many interesting people. Not least you and your Son.

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  13. I’ve never had a wide circle of friends. Always it has been one or two dear hearts that have cheered me immensely. And I am loyal – as loyal as an old dog. LOL but I am in the same boat. Friends have come and gone over the years. Right now with my hubby’s health I don’t have a social life at all. That’s okay. I am more of a home body anyway. But it does get lonely at times. This bit your wrote particularly resonated with me: “Feeling alone can be such a dark place. Alone and yet claustrophobic.”

    Most of the time I feel just fine, but loneliness is a demon that pops up from time to time (quite honestly it’s when I am comparing my life to another’s). Blogging has saved my sanity and delivered many wonderful friends into my life. And for that I am sincerely grateful.

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  15. I’m not great at keeping friends. I don’t think that I ‘need’ friends like some people do. In some way I regret everyone I’ve lost touch with but also not enough to do anything about it.

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  17. A few years ago I tracked down a high school friend I was curious about. It mainly came up because his father’s house was near a friend’s. I was shocked to learn that entire social circle was still together and “switching partners” (a couple breaks up and each starts dating someone else from the group) after 35 years. I’ve been a million different people since then, held a wide variety of jobs, lived different lives… and they’ve all stayed exactly the same, not even having new friends. It was confusing to me, as I’m sure my life would be to them.

    While I admire how to you care for your son, I hope you’re able to meet up with adult friends soon!

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      1. Same. But that’s an uncommon thing for people in my area. I only live about 30 miles from my high school, which is nothing in a metropolis, so I’m stunned so many have stayed in the same city.

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  18. I would never have got to the place I am now … sober and with much improved mental health .. without my blogging friends. They have become an extremely important part of my life. I have met some really special people through my blog.

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  22. Whoa! Nice new found respect … yay… you golf … wicked cool!

    I don’t play well either … I only “play”… I just like being out there – and if I have any frustrations that’s what hitting the little ball is for lol ❤️ totally awesome sport lol – peaceful yet fun with the right people. You just have fun for hours lol

    Yeah… that happens in life with people moving in and out of your life. Is fluid. I grew up with that.

    I am happy with my life too as is. I do like to look back and remember … I do love my people very much!

    Although I don’t use Facebook – Facebook to me is like a charm? Where I keep people who I love very much so I can always have them.

    I have not been on, not in about a year. I just keep them there though – I do need space currently. Can’t really handle social media things – I like the peace without it but at the same time I want to keep them all.

    Life – it happens.

    People are like stars… some flash out really quick… a quick burst and done…
    some fly by… bright with an everlasting tail of memories
    And then some, light up your world and keep it bright as long as they can.

    So yeah people are like stars ⭐️ ✨ 💫

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      1. Well I was a cart girl… everyone was always excited to see me comin lol … guys would let me tee off, and sometimes on occasion I may have been the cause of a slower pace of play 😄✌️ … I am funny and chatty

        Sometimes I will get a text from some of the ones that I would golf with… they always want me to come out and play a round. But ya know, my arm… I have not swung a club since umm? September 2018 😮 … 2 years – wow time flies… by October I was in surgery. Haven’t been back since. I miss it. A lot. Was great peace to me and I always had so much fun!!

        Do you have cart girls over there?

        Yeah. I do see people like stars… cause they do cross your life like that. ✌️

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      3. Yeah no… I won’t be able to swing the club. They took my whole chest off and reconstructed that.

        So I have to be careful moving and I have a lot of issues with my right side. It’s just different. But it’s fine. I am alive and I have new boobs. So ya know, trade off… not gonna complain lol

        But I do love just being out there. I miss it very much.

        I’m just not ready yet though. Eventually maybe.

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      5. Well I can aim to visit or be out there… but I will never swing a club again.

        I could aim pretty well… but I have never had supreme ultimate power lol 😄✌️

        Although I did once get a hole in one… was totally a fluke thing .. everyone saw!!! ❤️ … so for one minute I was like god lol 😄✌️

        It was totally a fluke – I don’t even know how that happened lol

        Yeah I will miss that. But ya know you move through things … when one door closes another opens ✌️

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      7. I just go to play and laugh that’s it. Have fun be out there with my people – step away from the world for a little while. ❤️ yeah loved golf ⛳️❤️

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      9. Lol that’s funny… not too bad here. We got all kinds.

        I like the fun ones … the ones who could laugh and actually enjoy the game? Lol

        But yeah we had some snobby… no one was really snobby with me… I was the cart girl… I took care of you and made you laugh lol – I made everyone laugh and smile… so everyone was already smiling when I pulled up …

        It was awesome job!

        Just ignore the snobby ones – think of Caddyshack lol ✌️ I’m alright 😄

        It was a really fun job – obviously I loved it ✌️

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  24. I can relate to this. I don’t have many friends either, maybe one or two really good ones and even that is in question right now. My rock has always been my family and pets. Not friends, not partners, not co-workers. Perhaps it’s because of my autism…. but I find that making friends and keeping friends is really difficult. Especially the older you get when everyone else has their friend groups established. Then it’s hard to break into that tight group of people. And this Corona business has just made everything so much harder. The year 2020 has not been easy. For sure.

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  25. It’s funny. I was in a fog after my husband died. I wwas almost ready to interact again when the virus hit. Now it have two jobs. Guess it will happen as it’s going to

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