Whisper it very quietly. We are due to get a heatwave. Ok it’s only lasting ONE day. But it’s still a heatwave. On Friday we are due to get to 28C (82F). Wow. Better enjoy it. 24 hours later we are back to 18C (64F). Wow. No thermal underwear for a whole day…

Maybe heavily padded underwear is a better option…

Its was that dreaded feeling. It’s the day for the garden waste collection and yes the bin was empty. As I pay £30 a year for this service I want to get my moneys worth – it’s a Yorkshire thing. Also it’s embarrassing if we are the only house in the village without the bin outside, full of garden trimmings. That’s the sort of behaviour that gets you drummed out of here.

So it was time to cut the hedge. That’s the big hedge. All was going well with the chainsaw until I came to cutting the very top. How to reach that high up without a ladder. So the clearly very safe plastic garden chair was deployed. Within minutes the inevitable happened. Trying to overreach and the chair toppled over. Not great when the chainsaw is in full swing. I would like to say that I performed a beautiful gymnastic roll, landing perfectly on my feet. In practice a large expletive was followed by a muppet landing on his bottom with the ballet poise of an out of control lemming. All this while desperately trying to remember how to switch the menacing blade off. That switch off was not completed until I was finally sat on the ground. No damage done. Well apart from the two new impact hollows in the lawn and the even bigger bruises on my posterior. Following on from the earlier collapsed cycle bruise, I certainly won’t be sitting on any unpadded surfaces for a few days. Oh for some well cushioned pants…

60 thoughts on “Heatwave

  1. I changed my mind. Maybe my worries are warranted. You had me smiling really big from the beginning, but in horror with the rest of it. Oh, those plastic chairs. You need a ladder. A really good stable ladder, or that hedge gets to grow as high as it wants!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. We have a chair that “transforms” into a ladder. And guess who forgot to put the safety clips on and then decided to sit on it when it was a ladder. Yup. It tried to turn itself back into a chair and I ended up crumpled inside it. My back still hurts! At least I wasn’t holding a chainsaw at the time!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Take care of yourself. It’s been cool the last few days, but it’s because there’s a storm front moving through the area so temperatures in the 70 – 80 F range. Once the storm front moves out, it will go back to 90 – 100 F days again for a long time.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. The only advantage is the relative humidity. People around here think 30% humidity is unbearable. I grew up in an area where the temps were hot 90-95 F, but the humidity was 90%+ which put the Heat Humidity Index a lot hotter than where I live now. Here it can get to 100-110 F on a bad day during the Summer, but the low humidity makes it nowhere near as bad as where I grew up.

        If I ever get the money, I would do the snow bird thing where I would spend winters back where I grew up as they tend to be not as cold as here. Then, move back here for the summers.


  4. GAahh!! Thank gobs you’re okay!! You made me think of the palm tree trimmer from the weekend. I watched him, probably 50′ in the air, cutting fronds and between cutting he’d let the running chain saw swing on a 10 foot “rope”. I don’t know how it never cut him or the rope!@

    I wonder why the earth keeps grabbing your butt so violently. Odd!

    I take pride in not needing to put my bins out for pickup. But we don’t have greenery bins, only trash and recycling.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Oh no! I have to do the same on a couple of mine – I tried jumping with hedge clippers. Jump, snip, jump, snip. Works okay. But not with a chainsaw – yikes! I hope you have some pillows for sitting later! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh you naughty naughty. Health inspector here. I would have ticked you off seeing you contemplate cutting the hedge on any chair, let alone a plastic one.
    My heart went up to my throat, while reading this. 😲

    Glad you are ok. It could have been worse than a sore bottom. Definitely ladders on your to do list for next year.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. With a chainsaw??? 😱😱😱🤦🏼‍♀️ Please don’t do anything like that again.
    And now I REALLY dont believe your claims of a large posterior. If your bum was that well-placed you wouldn’t have hurt yourself so badly. Ice! And maybe one of those donut cushions😉

    You’re going to extreme lengths in the slapstick comedy department. You’ve got a great sense of humor, you dont need to do physical comedy😉🤪😂😂💌

    Liked by 1 person

      1. #metwo. I am into a really weird headspace right now, what with having a superbug (C difficile), and no colon for it to find a home in. I think it has taken up residence in my brain. and I have certainly had mental diarrhea for the past three weeks. The bad part is, I think the worse it gets the more I enjoy it. I have lost my verbal culture conscience, and when I am not barfing my guts out I’m barfing up all manner of ideas. I keep expecting WP to shut me down, but K guess I haven’t offended too many people yet. But I will keep trying…

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Gary, are you determined to do yourself several injuries just now????? This exercising and gardening lark needs to stop. It is going to summer tomorrow. If only for a day. it on your chair and do NOT fall off it.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. You are too funny!

    At first I laughed because – who cares what the neighbor think, lol …

    I did like wanting to get your moneys worth lol… but it’s funny how you zip out there to do it just for that 😄 I see your principle lol 👌

    You must kinda like yard work cause you have many beautiful flowers.

    I’m thankful you didn’t really have an accident 😮 yikes… are there other tools to use, that are not chainsaws?

    Sorry about your bum. ✌️ that sounds so weird to say lol

    Liked by 2 people

  10. You need a better chainsaw. Mine cuts out as soon as I release the trigger — a feature I really appreciated when I fell out of a tree while cutting branches.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I started to read and I thought “oh no, he’s fallen on his butt again.” So many things wrong here…bad chair, hedge too tall, dangerous electric appliance…..I once attempted cutting a privet hedge with same dreaded appliance but all I cut was the electric chord for which I was roundly abused. You know what…if the bin is empty…so bloody what?!

    Liked by 2 people

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