One of Hawklads favourite movies is Groundhog Day. Must admit a I’ve always liked that film. I’m showing my 1000 year plus age now by saying FILM. Anyway I liked that Bill Murray film because it was funny and a bit about redemption. Repeatedly through life I’ve had that Groundhog Day feeling. It’s so hard to put down on paper. That feeling that on this long journey, the circumstances and challenges remain unchanged. Never ending. What ever I do, they just seem to repeat. Slowly it’s starts to eat away at my inner self. Plays havoc with my emotions. My inner belief ebbs away. That’s when it feels like I need another caring hand to lead me into a new tomorrow. So yes I get this movie.

Hopefully I’m not as bad as Phil was at the start of the film – sorry movie. But again it is starting to feel like days are starting to repeat themselves. Even when I try to introduce something new, try just that little harder, then the next day starts very like the previous day. Stuff just keeps repeating itself.

  • A largely sleepless night,
  • Get up and do the same exercises in the garden,
  • Try to get the dog to go outside for his charge around and do his morning constitutional,
  • Check the news – these days it’s always the same headline and the same frustrations,
  • Sticking to the same fasting diet regime,
  • Cooking the same meals for Hawklad (he has the same 7 day food menu which he sticks to),
  • Sort out the mess the pets have made,
  • Hoover and clean the same rooms (we only have 5 small ones, a bathroom and a kitchen to worry about),
  • Try to get the old washing machine door to lock so I can do a wash,
  • Have the same thoughts about been able to run free beyond our garden fence enclosures, *** don’t get me wrong I am so thankful for the garden, so many wonderful people don’t have that***
  • Look at the same walls, with the same pictures, often feeling like they are closing in on me,
  • Spend far too long moaning about the weather,
  • Check the work system and email the same people, saying basically the same thing,
  • Wash up the same plates and cups,
  • Make a list of today’s challenges and they are the same as yesterday’s, the week before, last months…..
  • Jump on the scales and whisper PANTS,
  • Want to eat healthily but having to rely on Soya (Soy). Then watching my body just basically say NO,
  • Try to find my keys which are missing again,
  • Walk 40 yards to the post box to post a letter – my big trip out of the day,
  • Start the car up to make sure the battery doesn’t go flat,
  • The things that brought pain and doubt yesterday are still here today,
  • Check the bank account and whisper BIG PANTS,
  • Talk to Hawklad about hand washing every time he goes to the bathroom – which is about every 10 minutes,
  • Wash my hands constantly to help ease Hawklad’s fears,
  • Unblock the toilet and kitchen sink once a day, the builder who installed those was clearly having a laugh –
  • Reset the WiFi at about the same time every day as it’s gone down with cabin fever,
  • Try to get the cat to eat it’s gluten, grain, dairy free food when clearly it just wants to eat all the stuff that gives it diarrhoea,
  • Bake and Fail – that’s a great book title…..
  • Field the same calls, from the same companies offering the same services I don’t want,
  • If and when it rains, try to stop a flood next to the back door. Basically ends up mopping out the pools of water,
  • Paying bills,
  • Trying to chase moths and insects out of the house – the price you pay for living next to a farm,
  • Fight the same fears and demons,
  • Face the same self questioning,
  • Once a week cut the lawn with a lawnmower which basically hates cutting grass,
  • Every second Thursday realise the garden bin is still basically empty so have a mad gardening rush,
  • My dreams are still just dreams, seemingly no nearer becoming reality,
  • Go to bed so hoping for sleep, yet…..

Now don’t get me wrong some of the routine is just so fantastic. I just wouldn’t dream of changing those things. Going out in the garden at about the same time every day and talking with Hawklad. Spending time with him. Thinking of friends. Finding ways to make connections with those who are special to me. Looking at beautiful photos and videos – and smiling. Having fun playing games. Doing a bit of writing or waffling depending on your viewpoint. Saturday night movie night.

So yes it does feel like Groundhog Day. This time it may well keep feeling this way until our personal lockdown has been partially lifted. Maybe this time it’s could be labelled as Cabin Fever. Whatever it is, just like Phil in the movie, it often feels like I am the only one stuck in this repeat cycle. AND let’s not forget a really important factor – some people long for that repetitiveness. Hawklad is one. So maybe Groundhog Day can also be a good thing. Just got to go with the flow, make each day count as best I can and worry about tomorrow if it ever arrives.

73 thoughts on “Groundhog Day”

  1. Glad that you can joke/smile about some of them. I wish I could magically produce a new washing machine for you. Up until I was 19 i I had to wash everything my hand. For 24 visits to England I had to wash Dad’s and my clothes by hand, and hang them on the line.

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  2. Tough days seem endless and good times fly by. Time is funny that way.
    I’m feeling some photo envy over your beautiful picture.
    I think you should run to the tree more often. Be a rebel!

    The lack of sleep will make everything so much worse. I hate the way the NHS is taking care of you AND Hawklad. Looks like our system except you dont get a bill for hundreds or thousands… yet.

    Sending hugs!!!💌💌💌

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    2. Jason Kenney in Alberta wants the same thing. Actually, conservative provincial politicians in Alberta have always wanted private, American-style, healthcare. Twenty years and more back they were so sure ther were going to succeed they invested a lot of their personal money in preparing to have private clinics ready to open the day the law passed. So far we, the people of Alberta, or we, our federal government, have managed to stop them. But they refuse to give up. Now they have a huge majority in the Legislature, and they figure they cannot but succeed. The guys that invested in private clinics as many as 40 years ago are reconfiguring their plans–for the tenth time at least. They are bullies, and nothing less. They are going to force privatization down our throats, no matter that nobody else wants it. They are the elite in this province, they can afford it. We, the 99%, cannot, but we don’t have a say, we already gave them our proxies–well, they lied to us to get them, and most Albertans believed them yet again that the matter was closed. Where greed is involved, no matter is ever closed.
      Meanwhile, they are putting less and .less money into healthcare, creating gaps in service designed to destroy the whole system, making us beg for privatization. The day they do, I move, either to BC, or back to Manitoba. I’m a senior on a fixed income, with lots of health issues. I would be completely broke within 6 months, and we don’t have a food bank where I live, or at least not a good one.
      Those with money do not want to part with it, and those without cannot afford to carry yet another burden. The pandemic is actually helping us right now, the UCPs cannot strip our system out from under us in this situation. They tried, like Trump, to pretend it was a hoax. Now, with the numbers of cases rising every day again, they are finding they screwed themselves. Still, it’s just a matter of time…

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      2. No! They are doing it for the good of the people!
        And, you can bet, if they do succeed TAXES WILL NOT BE CUT to displace monies previously used to cover health spending, making it a double hit to our pocketbooks. (Healthcare spending, AND ADMINISTRATION costs) are the #1 tax expenditure. Further, the elected officials, pardon me, PUBLIC SERVANTS!, will vote themselves a substantial raise, while they continue to cut back on wages for real public servants, who do the real work while Elected Public servants sit back and tell each other how good a job they are doing.
        No. I am not being sarcastic!

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      4. Sorry to find that its happening in Canada too. I wonder what these 1% or 0.5% are gonna do when they’ve completely torn everything apart? They dont seem to realize that once they have everything, it will all become worthless.
        I’m disabled and on Medicare. There are out of pocket expenses but I honestly dont worry about them. I see how the doctors bill Medicare so much more than the cash price, so they can recoup the actual cost with a small profit.
        Medicine For Profit screws everyone except the shareholders.And in 2020… every human should have basic healthcare available. UGH! 🤐
        If I get started I’ll never stop.

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      5. Except for the personal parts, this is what I have been saying ever since I discovered conservative politicians want to do away with with public health care. 99% Americans are crying for what we Canadians have while 1% Canadians are trying to force what Americans have upon us.
        FOR PROFIT HEALTHCARE IS AN OXYMORON! ONLY MORONS WOULD EVEN TRY TO DO THAT.

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  3. You are right some things do seem endless and I can’t let myself watch the news too much or I feel 10x worse! I am STILL looking for my car keys!
    Like how you wrapped it up in the end, Keep smiling! And thanks for the smiles you give us with your posts!

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    2. Hey, Joy, have you looked for your keys in the ignition? Just thinking, sometimes the most obvious place to find something is the place you last used it.
      Good luck.
      And have you checked the cat’s sleeping quarters? (Hmmmm, enquiring minds need to know, can you spend “sleeping” quarters?)

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      1. Hi! I wish that was the case but nope they aren’t there. And we don’t have a cat. But thanks for the suggestion! LOL about spending “sleeping” quarters! Hmmm….. 😉

        I have been using my spare key for now. I think my keychain and keys are gone forever! I have no clue, I just know I looked everywhere. They probably are in some nook that we won’t find until we move and not planning on moving anytime soon! I came home from nightshift and couldn’t find them later that day.

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  4. I have to smile!! I HAD to go out for dr appointments. They ask how are you? And I say just fine, how are your ground hog days going! Something like that. During this pandemic it does feel like that! Trapped…. day after day the same!

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  6. I felt sad reading your post. Routine is a part of everyone’s life. We all do some things repetitively daily. That’s why it’s the routine. Cheer up my friend, life is not that bad or depressing.

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  8. Bill Murray movies (lol films) are amazing!!! Love him – Groundhog Day is a classic ❤️❤️❤️

    Has he seen “what about Bob?” That one is my favorite ❤️❤️ god he makes me laugh lol

    What are your dreams? I already know you want to live in Switzerland lol … but what are the dreams of which you speak here?

    And repetitiveness – there is nothing wrong with that. I even have things I am repetitive with… gives a sense of knowing what’s next.

    I can also go with flow, but if left on my own – it would all be scheduled lol ✌️

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  10. I’ve not seen the movie but it seems there’s a certain amount of repetition each day, whatever the circumstances. Some of it is comforting but much is just a grind. Don’t let the grind get you down.

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  11. I think this year feels like Groundhog Day for a lot of people! Especially if you’re in lock-down. I lost my job just as the virus hit, so even though, my state in Australia is doing pretty okay right now. There are a lot of people who are in my position, going for the same jobs. Which means a lot of days at the moment, just trying to do different things each day. It does grind after a while. It’s just funny watching people write about how people don’t want to go back to work. It makes me wonder if any of them have actually talked to anyone?lol. I used to love going to work, not because of the work, but because of the people I worked with. And it helped with my anxiety, because you’d have something else to focus on. You also get paid instead of relying on the Government.
    I have WAY too much to think at the moment.

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  12. Really relate to all of this, In a Zen book by Ezra Bayden he talks about that movie and how the central character manages to find a reprieve.. there is so much about our lives that is routine and a part of our spirit that always longs for something different or novel… its a real yearning.. After losing sets of car keys I ended up keeping my keys in the car ignition for years which may sound mad but we have security garage doors and this is such a safe area….. that said one to two times the car battery went flat due to this.. soooo..I stopped doing it. Like I said I lost my car keys one too many times when I got Jasper and was walking in bush habitats.. I managed to find them back 8 times out of 10… that may be zilch consolation at all… but it just goes to show you aren’t alone in your experience

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  14. You know I think many os like that film because that is our loves, sometimes going in endless circles in the hope some small thing will change and the picture is compressed in this film which is utterly surreal and yet it’s not. Talking Bill Murray, and this is a lovely story about him as a person. A year or maybe more back he came to play at some celebrity golf tournament in nearby Carnoustie. One of our wee grandie’s pals from ‘Nullselly,’ as he called it, was there with his dad, the wee boy was Ghostbusters daft and wore the suit everywhere anyway. Anyway Bill Murray clocked this kid and went over, lifted him out the stand onto the course, talked to him, let him hit a golf ball. That little boy was in heaven.

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  17. Hey, Gary, you have your garden. We have almost a forest in our backyard. We love our trees. They take a long time to grow, because of the Manitoba-like gumbo just under a 6″ layer of topsoil, but they are persistent. Russian Olives are not supposed to grow in our climate. It is more like a 15′ tall bush than it is a 40 foot tree, but it is lush and mostly healthy. Right beside it is a 12′ tall Red Maple bush, that seldom grows above 6′ in our climate. Pretty soon its leaves are going to become fiery red. And for two weeks we will have the most colourful yard in a hundred kilometres. I hope we never have to leave till we die.

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  18. Oh my gosh, I have the same feeling. This day is just on repeat. I do miss some of the freedoms we had before. Even with the schedule changing. On the other hand, I am not looking forward to school and that schedule change. It’s a tough balance!

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  19. Pingback: Groundhog Day – A Dad trying to cope with the loss of his Partner and becoming a single parent. – International Badass Activists

  20. The difficulty with combining an Aspergers world with a non-aspergers one is that what is Groundhog Day for some is total bliss and life at its best for another. Someday you might be able to meet in the middle rather than being so much on the aspergers side of life. Bit by bit you will hopefully get to achieve a little flexibility within the comfort of routine and repetition. Have both your needs met.

    I hope you find a caring had to lead you into a new day and don’t give up on those dreams my friend. They may feel impossible right now but things change and opportunities to make dreams happen appear out of nowhere sometimes. X

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  21. I get that movie too. You know I do. I absolutely get what you’re saying. There is definitely some cabin fever in the mix. We can still do this. Sending more hugs and prayers. Hopefully some more smiles as well.

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  22. I have also compared this time to Groundhog Day…especially during the time my husband was away. Single parenting is hard. You are in a difficult situation, no doubt. I’m praying that you get the support you need and deserve. Maybe a change of scenery, somehow, to mix it up a little. Something your son would be amenable to… Remember, it’s a season. May feel like a never ending season, but change will eventually come. Hugs to you. 💕

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  25. I never saw the film, so I can’t relate to that, but I do have a garden full of groundhogs. Little so and so’s eat my phlox. They also discovered peanuts which I offer to squirrels and birds….Fatso loves peanuts….now there is a creature that is fat but he hibernates for some 8 months, so I guess he needs it! Oh, and I give them carrot. They look at me through my kitchen window. Funny creatures.

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