Sometimes you get those moments when you just sigh. Sigh and think – what could have been. Now I could go down many routes with that thought. But today while watching a sunset flicker into life my mind was in schooling mode.

A fruitless day with school and the education authorities. Does look like support will be minimal going forward. The message is that if you can’t start back at school next week then it’s the parents responsibility to keep your child in line with classroom progress until they return. Suddenly the parent becomes curriculum specialist and teacher. I guess the hope is your child returns to school quick enough that they don’t fall too far behind. But what happens if it’s not a quick return.

We have a medical letter informing school that because of his severe anxieties and fears our son cannot currently return to school. No timescale has been set. Son has mentioned the end of October as a goal. The start of the next term. If that was the case then it’s 7 weeks of trying to keep up with the classroom teaching. But that’s just a finger in the air date. We have no idea when he will be in a position to return to the cramped classrooms. The first goal is to try and get him into a less anxious place. Then it’s to see if he can start venturing out into the wider world. Then we move into trying to get son more comfortable being inside with other people. Only then when he is more comfortable with life, can we consider a return to school. I’m not sure our PM or Education Secretary actual realise that to truly learn you need to be in a good place. Content, relaxed and comfortable. Actually they probably do realise this but they just don’t care. In their eyes it’s all about set teaching approaches, targets and discipline. Anxieties about a pandemic are brushed aside – schools are perfectly safe – no risk at all – force them back into cramped out of date classrooms – trust us or we force you back. Not ideal learning environments, a nightmare for those suffering from anxieties and fears.

But it didn’t have to be like this. Speaking with the school there was another way. School has introduced a very good homeschooling online system. It worked during the lockdown. The plan was from September that most pupils would only spend 50% of their time in school. Apart from those with exams, pupils would spend part of the week at home doing remote learning. That would allow school to further spread pupils out and create enhanced social distancing. Great plan but the government has dictated that all pupils must return full time. So the online schooling system has been turned off. So a potential route to help those pupils who are unable or uncomfortable about returning is not available. A method of helping a number of pupils to keep up, to learn and to avoid them being disadvantaged has been ended by the Government.

That’s a lot of school weeks that we have to navigate and try to stay in touch with his classmates. It’s going to be a real challenge. And it just won’t be our family in this position. Much sighing. Might as well enjoy the sunset.

64 thoughts on “What could have been”

  1. So sorry Superdad. I wonder if there is a government out there that cares and is helpful. 😑 Wish there was. They may not care, but I do. Sorry that doesn’t help much though. 😕 Hawklad is still very fortunate because he has you.

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  2. I have a similar problem. All the support I was thinking would be there, isn’t. And how could they be, really? Declan’s OT reached out to me today to say she “sat in” the classroom zoom today for 20 minutes and watched – what else was she really going to be able to do? His 1/1 aid is there too, but how does an aid provide aid in an online learning world? It’s just me, sitting with him, trying to get through all the obstacles. When I read “the experts” in different articles tell me the best way to support my special needs child in the online learning world was to make sure there was a lot of communication – well, that’s not happening either. There will be a regression of skills, I am sure. I bet for a lot of kids, though. As a parent, coming to Declan’s online classroom with him as his 1/1 aid, I’m attacking issues like a parent. I back off in certain areas a specialist may try to explore more. I also get frustrated with the whining at times and back off then too – I gotta live with the kid! Cut me some slack! I guess I could go on forever. Sorry for the long comment. I hope things go well for you. These are definitely weird circumstances we are finding ourselves and our school-aged children in and all we can do is our best!

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    1. I so hear you Robyn. Most of the experts are good at writing textbooks but would be of little practical help to us. We just function as best we can. With me that’s usually doing stuff I’ve picked up from your posts. But we are not experts. We are not independent. We do some stuff. Leave some stuff untouched. xx

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    1. They keep quoting research that schools are safe. The research was done when we were in lock down. When only a few kids were in school so lots of distancing. They did the same with crime. They claimed that they had reduced crime in shops. Most of the shops were closed so what do you expect….

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      1. Maybe one of them will respond. It doesn’t have to be official policy. They can just keep you posted just as they do when kids are unable to attend school due to illness

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  7. You are doing the right thing… children can spread it too. They crazy if they don’t think it will go off in school!

    Just safer at home.

    I do believe is better right now. Screw them. You can handle it. Check you out

    And also… definitely soak in the moments whenever you can!! However you can!!

    I think he will be ok… he has you, you are a pretty amazing role model… you doing good. You out for his best interest.

    Also… he’s a smart kid. Just a few challenges here and there.

    Don’t overwhelm yourself too far ahead. Take one step at a time. You will breathe better not worry so much.

    Take one challenge, try many ways… think outside the box… he doesn’t operate in societies box. You will find ways that work for him… you defeat the first challenge – then you can take on the next

    Dont bundle them all up at the same time and then up against the future… it will be ok… one step at a time…

    Learning curve ya know? All new experiences! New memories, new life. Just different.

    Don’t overwhelm yourself, it’s gonna be ok, you will get through it. Always remember to suck in those moments and relax. You are doing good – don’t worry so much. But I can easily say that to you but not myself 😄✌️ I also worry with things 😘 … but I do remember to suck in moments – always ❤️

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      1. Yeah see… I don’t trust what mine says either. My daughter will NOT go back until it IS actually safe… and even with the release of a vaccine – that’s going to take awhile too – for everyone to get vaccinated.

        They are so contradictory!! They have no idea what they are doing… that in itself is frustrating cause they are morons!

        Your main guy Boris? (I think of Boris the moose every time lol) he has even had it – in the very beginning! Still can’t comprehend the danger and severity – wow!

        Kids are less likely to have symptoms – although some do… and some have died… and even still has lasting effects on the body and organs… kids are carriers … and can bring that home and infect everyone else.

        And what are the long term effects of being infected? Does that essentially shorten life in the long run? Because of how it effects organs like the heart and lungs? It does damage

        Sad that they are considering kids insignificant with such a danger! Why take that chance? With children even!

        I stopped trusting and listening to what they say… I’m sorry they are just morons. Why would I let them dictate my life or my kids, when they can’t handle shit? No idea what they doing and constantly contradict themselves. They definitely do not take seriously – so I don’t listen to their words.

        I have a threshold for morons lol … they have all hit that threshold lol … and that just makes me ignore

        They don’t even try. So that’s where I go deaf. They don’t connect, they don’t know what doing, they don’t care about the danger, they don’t set examples, they have no proof, yeah I am currently deaf to their words or wants.

        If they want me to listen – they need to give me reason to… otherwise just a bumbling moron or joke… which is how I currently see them ✌️ – mine included.

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      3. Makes literally zero sense! Insanity right there lol

        Definitely a HUGE red flag that they don’t know what they are doing.

        Hmm Boris has a baby huh? Is that baby in daycare? I wonder how careful he is with his baby.

        And I just read about his life and his kids 😮 I would not trust him in the slightest – slimy!!!

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      5. I saw that! It’s one thing to not be able to keep your pants zipped… to each his own… but if you gonna do that – fricken be a man about it.

        He puts himself in the spotlight, he can’t even be a man and they have him running a country? 😮😳

        Sorry I have very strong opinions with those things

        I would not listen to one word he said. Not one… I would be a problem … wow way to be a man! He would not EVER want to meet me, I would have an attitude right off the bat!!!

        We REALLY need better politicians – these ones suck!! Morals suck, integrity sucks, ugh

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      7. HA!! Lol well I have the biggest showman of all lol

        Also no morals, only out for self, loves attention – everything is a show, and is louder than F – says whatever he pleases whenever he wants – does NOT care lol

        🤨🙄 ~ sigh ~ oh what politics have become

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  8. Have you watched The Durrells? Based on recollections of a time that a bereaved parent coped. It was from her youngest child’s writing. That child went on to be a successful conservationist and each one of the other unique siblings were also successful in living their lives. Who is to say what to learn and be successful? If it was me I would say the biggest goal is to learn kindness (evenly spread over the cake of happy to each and all, including ourselves).

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  9. This has made me so cross, especially as your son’s school had such a good online system and the plan of splitting time in school and online would be so much safer. By shoving them all into classrooms they’ll all be off self isolating anyway. If the grand plan is all kids in school to get the country back to work for economical reasons it’s a crap plan! That is my view anyway x

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      1. Don’t know if I’m coming or going at work. One minute it’s … you must start seeing more patients face to face and the next … there’s an increase in cases so don’t change anything! Ridiculous

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  11. I am sure that there are more kids in the UK who are having similar problems with anxiety like Hawklad. Why can’t there be online-teacher only for those children? I bet there is not a small number of them for each grade.

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  12. This whole situation sucks big time – totally unacceptable! The number of cases are rising here too, significantly, I might add. I guess the second wave is upon us. This is no time to put our kids at risk. Our provincial government is doing much the same, claiming the kids will be fine. Meanwhile those children who are unfortunate to contract this virus will bring it home where it will spread further. Why is it every single citizen understand these are bad decisions and why will governments not acknowledge it’s a bum plan and toss it? But our kids do have to wear masks – no spacing out between desks though with 30+ kids in a classroom.

    I am so very sorry for all the challenges you are facing, and Hawklad as well. I know it won’t help much but I support your choices. I think Hawklad is very blessed to have you for his Dad. Hang in there Gary. Know that many, many people are rooting for you both and cheering you on. God bless and guide you both.

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      1. Yeah there are schools all over the province here that have had to close due to the virus. Of course, government claims it’s because individuals who were positive for the virus had it before coming to school. Isn’t that the point? With schools open it will help to spread it? Not sensible at all!

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      3. Of course! Why tell the public any nasty truths? UGh! We passed by a school while we were out and about this morning. Very few children wore masks and no social distancing at all on the playground – I expect the number of cases will go up substantially in a few weeks.

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      5. Our schools are back in since Tuesday. I am worried for the children. Little ones are so excited to be able to play with classmates once again. They do not understand the importance of social distancing – in all their innocence. Then there’s the teenagers. I was in a grocery store and hurrying to leave before the noon hour – it was right about noon. As I was leaving teenagers were coming in. None were wearing mask, all were in tight groups (no space between them at all). I know the numbers will go up a lot because of this, while our government tries to reassure us all will be well. It’s all so crazy.

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  14. Hello Gary. Do you have an idea why the government is so insistent on full in person classroom schooling? Here in the US it is all about economics / the economy. Working people wont go back to their lower wage jobs as long as their kids are home. Schools here function as a place to park kids for 8 or more hours while the parents work. The states are desperate for tax money they can not get if people are not buying and selling while drawing a paycheck. In order to force those working class parents back into their service sector jobs they have to get the kids back into schools. However all the politicians and upper wealthy class pushing this are not sending their children back to crowded schools and they are not being forced to deal with hoards of unmasked people to serve as the engine of economic growth. Hugs

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      1. Hello Gary, so just like here in the US. What a shame the world has become a upper / lower class system where the lower class are expected to die to provide the wealth for the upper class. The UK is not as far along on that as the US but it seems you have been travelling closer to us for the last few decades. I wish the lower class would realize we out number the others and would raise up against them. Hugs

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