One of the advantages of exercising first thing in the morning is once I’ve finished I get a chance to enjoy the view. It always amazes me how damp our ground can get when we have had no rain for days.

Clearly it’s very easy to feel damp. The weather can cause such sudden changes. It like life and the soul.

I was putting together a post for tomorrow. A Swiss Sunday post. Looking through some photos. Then I came across one. Looks like one of those family photos. I’ve cropped this one down severely. The photo is my partner sitting next to our son on a bench.

How had I missed this photo for so many years. It’s from 2015 and our last trip to Switzerland. The last day of the trip. My partner was not very well and on a lot of medication. We didn’t know how ill she was. The doctors didn’t. Exactly one year later she was in a hospice and she was gone a few days later.

Finding this photo shook me in two ways.

Firstly this might be our very last family photo. The last photo of Hawklad with his mum. Don’t think there was another photo with my partner in. I had never thought about that . Never thought about the last photo. Well this is probably it.

Then there is one more thing about this photo. A completely forgotten memory. It’s what my partner is pointing at. I think she knew what was on the horizon. That afternoon we randomly seemed to get onto the subject of where she would like her ashes scattered. She is pointing at one of the places . A rocky outcrop overlooking a beautiful lake. It wasn’t a serious conversation. Our son helpfully suggesting some interesting places to consider. I didn’t take it seriously. We surely had many years to go. Finding this photo has really shaken me. As I say I had forgotten about the photo. I didn’t know she was actually pointing at where she wanted her ashes scattering.

I really don’t know what to say.

One thing is that it’s a beautiful location.

I wasn’t sure about posting this at all. But what did convince me was one thought. You just don’t know what is around the corner. Don’t assume you have time. If you have dreams to live, don’t wait, try to do them now.

78 thoughts on “Pointing”

  8. That’s so touching, Gary. Our place in this world is so fragile. It has really hit home to me recently how we don’t know when we will do something for the last time… You’re right. Don’t wait. Have a peaceful weekend. 🙂

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  11. A beautiful photo and memories to go with it Gary, albeit sensitive.
    I am glad I went to NZ in 2010 as it is unlikely I will see my brother again other than Skype.
    My best friend died of breast cancer in 2000, and had they known her last two years would have been as traumatic as they were, they would have done everything they’d intended, which included a trip to the USA, Australia and NZ. One thing they did do before cancer hit, and that was to swim with dolphins and turtles……………. or at least she did.

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  15. You never know! Maybe there is a subtle feeling which is not taken for real. This post gave me goosebumps in more than one way too, the insight you mentioned, the recognition of that probably last photo, and that we have all the wisdom about our lives inside of us. Thank you for posting these very private thoughts and memories, Gary.

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  16. I am glad you posted this, Gary, and I am sending you so many hugs! It’s true, life happens while we’re making other plans. We all take life so much for granted, until the rug gets pulled out from under us and we fall, painfully fall…. Thank you for this reminder to hold our dear ones closer…. more hugs. x

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  17. Heartfelt. Thanks for sharing. She must’ve known that her time was coming to an end when she showed you and her son a possible location for her ashes. I agree, we shouldn’t assume we have time to live our dreams. We should live each day as if it were our last. Love intensely.

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  18. I can imagine how your breath caught and your heart raced when you found the photo. Interesting that you should find it now, when you’ve been thinking and writing about dreams.🤔
    Maybe a trip to Switzerland would give Hawklad something to work towards. Much better than school. Getting a handle on his anxieties to revisit a place of shared joy and to honor his Mum’s wishes, would definitely be better than trying to get back in a classroom to me.

    Thank you for sharing this memory, Gary Kermit Superdad. She is still with you, and always will be. Your love, your son and your memories keep her with you… sharing your dreams!
    HUGS!!💌💌💌

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  22. Not surprised it shook you, actually. I’ve known quite a few very young people who just suddenly weren’t with us anymore and it helped me learn never to take anything for granted and to enjoy every minute you possibly can with someone you love.

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  23. There are two lovely things about this post at least. The first photo looks like a constable painting and your sharing of that moment photographically and remembering the conversation out of the context of death was tremendously moving. Thank you so much for sharing that, Gary.
    I found a photograph in my phone earlier this week of my husband sitting on the couch looking up at me with his typically Elfin look, and I was able to sit down next to him lay my head on his chest and feel him and smell him. Just by looking at the photograph. Thanks for sharing.
    Els

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