The weather is a bit stuck here.
This is basically it…..
Feeling stuck is often not a great feeling. Today I feel must definitely stuck. Stuck in Groundhog Day. It feels like that….
- I tend to wake up at the same time and experience the familiar tiredness,
- Sling open the curtains to see mist, greyness and everything dripping wet,
- I get Hawklad up in the same way and set him up as usual for the home at school project,
- The home at school hours pass in the same way. The same lessons requiring the same input. The usual lessons delivering the usual frustrations,
- I cook Hawklad the usual food, repeating the same 7 day food cycle every week,
- Every day looking over the fence and wondering what it would feel like to run free. Then shrugging my shoulders and start moaning about the weather,
- The feeling of going round in circles during my exercise workouts. I tried to introduce yoga to freshen it up. But it’s often just the same poses performed in a slightly different order,
- Spending ages trying to get the never ending cycle of washing to be semi dried on the radiators,
- Opening up the work laptop and finding nothing in the to do list,
- Listening to the same news. The same world problems. The same self deluded madmen hogging the headlines. The same lies,
- Going through the same quarantine procedures with post and deliveries,
- Feeling the same frustration with hobbies. As hard as I try to learn German and the Piano, each day I seem to be back at square one again,
- Going round in circles trying to get the support Hawklad needs to truly flourish. Failing and then trying to provide that support in my untrained, and rather random way,
- Realising it’s another day isolated,
- Venturing out at night to hopefully look at the stars to only find the mist has turned into heavy rain,
- Trying to keep myself awake during the evening movie then finding sleep escaping me as we move beyond midnight.
Definitely feels like Groundhog Day.
But here’s the hope. Just like in the wonderful Bill Murray movie it is still possible to break the cycle eventually. Just got to keep trying. Forcing myself to experiment with what alternatives are available. Remembering the good dreams. Yes one day 6.00am will bring a truly new start.