A first….

I slept badly. Not much sleep. Too many random and confused thoughts. Anxious. Then just as I got up one clear thought settled in my nogging. Maybe many of the doors I am hopefully and expectantly stood next to are in-fact permanently closed. They ain’t opening. Not for the a few days over Christmas, not for New Year, not for a Vaccine, not for counselling help when it turns up, not for as much dream power as I can conjure up. They are shut. So if they are shut is it not time to accept the reality. Move on. Set a new course. Whatever that might be.

Reality has to bite at some stage.

So what is behind those doors. Parts of my life. Things I have experienced. Things I have enjoyed doing. Things I have hoped to do. Things I want to start. Basically- Parts of me.

Can’t even blame Pink Floyd or Leonard Cohen for this mindset. Not been listening to them over the last few days. Not sure KISS are supposed to take me into those mindsets.

Life happens. It’s like those Harry Potter Hogswarts staircases. They randomly shift. Take you in directions you weren’t planning to go. You find that you don’t have a viable route to some of your planned destinations anymore. Depending on your mindset this is either liberating or monumentally pants.

So my mindset changed. Maybe the penny dropped. Some stuff might never happen. BUT Other doors may open. Need to think about that more.

However if I am bunkered down. Largely physically isolated well I had better make it comfortable. So I went on Amazon and took the plunge. I bought a bean bag. I’ve always wanted to try one. Never been on one. Never had one. So I bought one. My first bean bag. Now I’m a realist. I know that like most things it will be lost to Hawklad and the pets. But at least I can say I have had one. It’s a first. Its maybe not a new door. More like a new letter box. BUT It’s a start.

44 thoughts on “Firsts

  1. Personally, I’ve found beanbags highly overrated. We (well, the wife in spite of my protests) have purchased five or six over the 49 years we’ve been together. She very seldom has used them. They end up being the domain of kids, grand kids and pets during their (the beanbags) very short lives.

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  2. If ordering a bean bag makes you happy, then by all means do it! I think it’s very hard to stay positive these days, especially when we don’t know when things will get better. And in your case, you’re also coping with grief, which makes is so much harder. I hope you are feeling better soon…things really will get better in terms of Covid, and I hope that your spirits are able to be lifted too.

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  3. YAY!! 💃🏼🎉🌠 I’m Happy Dancing! I’m so glad you bought something for yourself! May I suggest you find the duct tape and have it close.😂😂😂 I am sure that bean bags have evolved and improved since the dinosaur era when I was a teen and owned my very own bean bag, but quality craftsmanship is rare these days… duct tape!😉😂

    When I run away from home in 10 years, I’m already planning on visiting Rory, possibly kidnapping him, since I’m already gonna be in England, I can come kidnap you too. Life may have shut some doors, and some new ones may not open for years… but they WILL open. I have a magic key😉 Shhh… don’t tell anyone🤫😆💌💌💌

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  4. yup..i love bean bags, but never personally owned one. Bought them for others and even had them given to me, but then the kids took them. Damn, maybe it IS time to buy myself one. Great build up to the ending by the way- i would never have guessed it was a bean bag story

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  5. I grew up with beanbags, but they disappeared after the 80s, didn’t they? I have memories of the beans spilling out. No matter how much you swept up/vacuumed the carpet they turned up months later. Enjoy yours…

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  6. It’s a good start…as long as it doesn’t cause you to injure yourself in any way! I like the idea of you doing some brainstorming and coming up with things you’ve never tried or done before and doing them…even small things. Would make life more interesting during these dull and difficult days! 💕

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