I think I might be on top of things. The mind is heading in the right direction. I’m in a decent place and then….

And then something sneaks up on me. With me it’s often seemingly a silly little thing. Suddenly the friendly wind is taken from my sails.

I couldn’t sleep late last night. Just wasn’t feeling tired so I decided to watch a movie. Something requiring no thinking power. So I went for a mindless comedy. Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Haven’t seen that in decades.

The last time I watched this movie I was in a different place in life. Life was still yet to really hit me. So the movies ending never really registered. Well it did last night. Wow did it register.

Spoiler alert………

The jolly and silly little movie closes with Steve Martin sudden realising that the chap he had spent the last 48 hours in travelling hell might not be as happily married as he had thought. He goes back to find him sat alone in a cold train station waiting room. His wife had died 8 years ago, he was alone and suffering.

That scene just really hit me. So unexpected. I’ve been there. I was that man. I might still be that man. I so could imagine what he felt like, sat alone in that cold bleak place. Watching others live and seemingly having no where to go.

The movie ended well but I was shaken. Sad, confused, anxious. Even after many hours I’m still feeling shaky. All from one silly movie.

The next time I watch a late night thing then let’s play it safe. It’s QVC or Scooby Doo or the Real Fire Channel for me…..

59 thoughts on “Silly little things.”

  1. I was just reading how grief can hit you years later and you don’t even expect when or how. I lost my partner just six weeks ago. I’m learning this grief will be a life long process. I’m sorry you had a painful night. Thank you for writing and sharing about it. It makes many feel not so alone including myself.

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    2. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in July 2016. I’ll be doing fine, then like bereaved, it will HIT me and I’m left breathless. Just know it does get better. More time between ‘hits’ and happier memories will replace the unhappy ones. My thoughts are with you. Hugs…..

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  4. I get that too. My boss had one of my old timesheets mixed in with other stuff I needed to look through. It was from September 2016, when I met Mr. Heartbreak. Why THAT timesheet?? I was shaken up 😢

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  6. I watched that movie for the first time a few years ago. The ending shocked me as well. ‘m sorry it triggered negative feelings. I agree – it should have a trigger warning on it. Thinking of you! Scooby Doo is a very safe alternative.

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  9. It’s amazing how silly things happen and rock our world to the core. I am so sorry, Gary. It’s been such a hard year, but harder for you, I think. You have been a bastion of courage and often of good cheer as well. You have been dealing with an awful lot and all alone for the most part. I don’t know if it helps at all to know your words touch so many – I know you have touched my heart so many times. I wish my words could deliver a little solace and comfort to you. These kind of nights and days that take the wind our of our sails are so bloody hard. I am so sorry you’re going through it. Sending warm energy, comforting energy, healing energy to your mind and heart and keeping you in my prayers, as always. Hug and more hugs. Hang in there.

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  10. I am so sorry. I cried at the he end of that movie. I do understand how a movie can do that. I watched Ghost the other night with Demi Moore. And Patrick Swayze. Yes a old one but line I said never saw it. And let me tell you I sobbed and by the time the movie ended it was 2 :00 in the morning and I was shakinging. I know how long it fe can go. And I did not settle to good for sleep. In thinking ng Scooby-doo or qvc. ❤️

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  11. I don’t know if it suits anyone else’s tastes, but there is a movie out there for people with Attention Deficit Disorder, just bunches of little clips strung together in laugh-a-minute style. It is pure comedy, but like all good comedy, makes a quiet social statement. AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON.
    I don’t think it ever had a box office release, just one of those 10 for $10 video store releases. But probably not one for Hawklad, yet.

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  12. I love that movie and had forgotten that ending. I can just imagine how that hit, G. It might be facile to say, but I hope the coming year will be less Waldorf and Stadler and more Miss Piggy and Kermit. At least I hope all peckers are primed and ready to go to the up position on demand. Here’s to an improving New Year.

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  14. Sorry you’re going through this. I have found that triggers come out of the blue from the most unexpected places. Sadly I think sometimes we just have to face the pain when it shows up. Hope you feel better soon.

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  17. I understand how a movie can hit you deep. You watch it as Gary. I watch it as Erika. But we will always see what fits us at that moment. For what reason ever you were meant to see that movie. Maybe it wanted to tell you that wherever you are now is not meant to last forever but is a part of your journey that defines the further way and leads to happy endings… when even that thought sounds bizarre.

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  18. Oh dear. I can understand why that would have been upsetting. I took a friend to a movie once that had the same sort of impact. I had no idea what was coming. It involved a person whose child had died. When I realized what I had subjected my friend to, I cringed, but he never said anything. I left the theatre in tears and couldn’t speak. Strangely, he seemed OK. They ought to warn you about these things, though I can’t imagine how. Feel better Gary. XX

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  19. It seems to me that bereavement is a lot like PTSD, maybe they’re interchangeable or bereavement can cause PTSD.
    I’ve never lost someone super close, but I know what it’s like to be triggered. I have PTSD and the triggers are less often after 12 years, but every once in a while… BLAMMO!
    Sending big hugs!! Happy 2021 to you Gary Kermit Superdad and to young Master Cheeky Hawklad.💌💌💌💌💌

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