Do I fancy walking through that. Captain Chaos most definitely does. Maybe even squeeze in a good roll about in that glorious mud. It would certainly be a cold experience.

So the first day of the National Lockdown has passed by. To be fair I didn’t notice much change. Didn’t see any one walking on the street and the fields remained empty. Hardly any traffic on the roads. Spookily quiet. But actually it was like that before the lockdown started. That’s village life for you. So I seemingly had the world to myself as I walked the dog early in the morning. It was a good time to think and contemplate life.

If 2021 is another year of isolation, which it could be….

What do I want out of this year?

Here’s the thing about depression with me. It clouds my mind with so many negative thoughts. Makes me look back anxiously rather than look forward with hope. So on this particular dog walk the ‘what do I want’ question wasn’t yielding the uplifting messages that it should have. Best I could manage wasn’t much more than

  • Not completely messing up the homeschooling gig,
  • Trying not to put on weight,
  • Keeping the bank off my back,
  • Hanging on to what I have,
  • Not losing my marbles,
  • Trying not to go backwards,
  • Just surviving….

All too negative. So yes I have much to work on. But I will. Can’t thank my friends here enough. You have been so supportive, caring and encouraging. Thank you ❀️. Because of you I feel more confident that I will find my way again. Then I can walk the dog across the fields and come up with more uplifting goals.

WE can do this.

49 thoughts on “Cold

  1. Hang in there, you’ve got this. And now Hawklad’s school materials are going to be available online for a longer period of time. He’ll have the same schooling experience as everyone else throughout the lockdown!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You got this. We are all in uncharted territory. None of us is navigating through these dark waters in a perfectly made boat. I don’t think you can mess up the homeschooling if you’re trying. Some parents are letting it go and not giving it any effort. Know you are doing the best you can under very trying circumstances.

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  3. You have got this. Every post you are stronger in what you write. You are able to see that you want to move forward. You acknowledge your anxiety and depression. To me those are damn good things that you are forgetting to mention. You are doing so so much more than you ever give yourself credit for. And btw Jabba the Hut was hilarious that boy’s quick on his feet. Hugs. πŸ™‚

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  4. First of all, here’s a great big hug from across the pond and many kilometers between us. The fact is, you’re still standing despite everything life has thrown at you. That means you have tremendous strength, grit, and courage.

    Second of all, here is another bear hug across the pond and the many kilometers between us. The fact is you have generous stores of positive energy you just haven’t tapped into as yet. You will though, I know you will.

    Thirdly (because good things come in threes) here’s another hug from across the pond and the many kilometers between us. (Amazing, isn’t it, how that space and time disappears?) You have untapped sources of wisdom within you. I know this because it is so often on display.

    Last of all, here’s one more hug from across the pond and the many kilometers between us. Yes, depression sucks. Big time. But you will be okay, more than okay. I know this because I’ve been reading your posts for a long time now and nothing keeps you down, now then, not now, not ever. You can bank on your own inner strength to carry you through. You are awesome. Yes, you are!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Not only CAN we do this… we ARE doing this! It gets a little messy some days, but then the Sun comes out again and we’re dancing around and laughing.
    Thank YOU! You’ve brought smiles when I’ve needed them and the *understanding* that helps so much with raising autistic kiddos.
    Just remember that you must wear your boots if you want to jump up and down in muddy puddles. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚πŸ’ŒπŸ’ŒπŸ’Œ

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