It’s an old graveyard. Many of the gravestones have stood for hundreds of years. Many of the names and dates have now eroded away. Lost to the years and the hill top northern weather. Just maybe someone somewhere will be remembering those names.

I was stood watching the sun rise in the early morning air. My mind wandered. It’s been over three years since I visited my mums grave. It’s about 40 miles north from here. I had great intentions to visit every year. But life happened. No idea when I will be able to return again. But that’s how it goes sometimes.

Back in 2016 that thought would have really upset me. My thinking was very much that doors had very much closed on big parts of my life. My job was to not move on but to hang onto the past. Stay close to those locked doors even though they would never open again. In those terms visiting graves became a huge deal.

Now it’s a little different. Living has to come first. I can’t do that by standing by permanently locked doors. There will be times to visit places like graves but that will be when the time is right. The important thing for me is that I don’t need to be physically in one place to access memories. I always carry them with me regardless of where I am stood.

47 thoughts on “Where am I

  1. Oh those feelings of heart strings pulled a great distance. I just Google Maps one small place on this good Earth. I can see through the trees when I zoom in. I look and ponder. The full stop thoughts are personal to the one that grieves.

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  2. I totally agree with you. I lost my son back in 2008, I would visit his grave each week though sadly life happened, I had more children and I just couldn’t make it out there as often as I would have liked to.

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  3. Yep! Those memories are what matter, not a piece of rock with a name and date. We never really lose the ones we love. We may not have their physical presence with us, but we carry them in our memories, and in our hearts.

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  4. That’s right, Gary. My mum’s ashes are buried in Wiltshire. I think I went and stood by the marker once after but I didn’t feel anything With ashes, I think it’s better to scatter them, in the right time and place. When there are actual remains…is it different? I don’t know why it should be. My favourite person is buried in a place I have not been back to since 1997. I think I prefer to remember her as she was in life. But what works for one may not be right for all.


  5. I always said, I don’t need to go to the graveyard to be close to my loved ones. They are exactly where I am when I am thinking of them. And I find them even more at places they enjoyed being. But they never spent joyful times at the graveyard. I used to visit my father’s grave frequently once a week in the beginning but have not been there for about 2 or even three years too. That doesn’t mean we don’t honor or don’t love them.


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