The sun setting over Yorkshire.

Very quiet, very peaceful.


Hawklad wasn’t feeling the calm. A walk through the woods to get here had spooked him. An unexplained sudden noise. I heard it as well. Hard to explain but to me it sounded a bit like a cable vibrating. To me it was puzzling but to Hawklad it was extreme uncertainty. Could it be danger, could it be a threat. It spooked him. Then the anxiety kicked in. It was all he could think of. He was constantly seeking reassurance, endless scenarios playing out in his mind. His thoughts spiralling out of control to the point where he couldn’t think straight. We ended up taking a very long diverted route back to the car. Only hours later did the anxiety storm begin to abate.

When anxiety hits it can be truly debilitating. Even in a truly tranquil setting it can be only one sound away. One unexplained event away.

Anxiety is truly a constant battle for Hawklad.

48 thoughts on “Tranquility

  1. I remember hearing the buzz of electric wires in the walls of houses, as a kid. Unsettling for sure. Still don’t like hanging out under high powered towers, or around substations for that reason. With age my hearing hasn’t kept up, but the feeling yes. Oddly enough, I like the sounds of lightning storms though. How does he do with thunder?


  2. I understand many of the things you talk about as I have a 14 yr old grandson who has been severely hampered by anxiety for the last few years.


  3. I’m with Hawklad, I’d want to go the long way back to the car. It might be another one of those old sayings, but “Better safe than sorry”. I’d like to think my senses are keeping me safe. I’m not a cat, I’m not at all curious as to what it was that made the noise.


      1. Nope, nope, nope, not worth the risk mate. The planet is full of lovely yummy people, but also with a soupçon of dangerous weirdos. So, last word being, nope.


  4. A panic attack cost me my job when I wss working in a group home for autistic adults. One of the young men I worked with had an uncontrollable anger. Usually I was able to work around his anger, distract him, calm him, whatever. But one day something happened, I never knew what, He started hooting, as he always did when he started to lose control. Something was different this time, and instead of helping him, I froze. My mind was working but my body would not obey. The young man picked up a couch and threw it through a picture window. Glass flew everywhere. The other residents reacted by screaming and trying to run away, but he was blocking the door. And I still could not move. Fortunately the person I was working with reurned to the house before anyone got hurt, but it was touch and go. I had never seen anyone pick up a couch and throw it. This young man was a beanpole with the muscles of an Olympic weightlifter when angry. They had to call an ambulance for me, I was totally paralysed. I could never walk back into that workplace again without freezing up. Anxiety is debilitating. Unexplained sounds can be very scary.
    I fel for Hawklad.


    1. The human body and mind can only cope so far. I’ve had a similar panic attack, but was in a safe place. I can only imagine what it must have been like, as I look back and wonder how I’ve got through some of the stuff.


      1. It is what it is. It never happened to me again, yet, but I can remember screaming at myself, “Do something. Do ANYTHING!!!” But my body was frozen. I have never felt so helpless in my adult life! I am just .ucky no one got hurt in that incident. How I would have felt then, I will never know. It was my job to protect everyone.


    2. That’s tough. But I so understand what you went through. We have banned that walk now. Bizarrely we did that very walk when we heard a sonic boom a few months back from a military jet. He managed to rationalise that sound very quickly and was fine with that one.


  5. That marvellous photograph is itself very dramatic. Triggers for this extreme anxiety are waking nightmares for you both


  6. A small trigger that sets off an avalanche. I understand that. I can only imagine how scary it is to live with this unpredictable anxiety (for both of you).


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