Heatwave

Summer….

Whisper it very quietly. We are due to get a heatwave. Ok it’s only lasting ONE day. But it’s still a heatwave. On Friday we are due to get to 28C (82F). Wow. Better enjoy it. 24 hours later we are back to 18C (64F). Wow. No thermal underwear for a whole day…

Maybe heavily padded underwear is a better option…

Its was that dreaded feeling. It’s the day for the garden waste collection and yes the bin was empty. As I pay £30 a year for this service I want to get my moneys worth – it’s a Yorkshire thing. Also it’s embarrassing if we are the only house in the village without the bin outside, full of garden trimmings. That’s the sort of behaviour that gets you drummed out of here.

So it was time to cut the hedge. That’s the big hedge. All was going well with the chainsaw until I came to cutting the very top. How to reach that high up without a ladder. So the clearly very safe plastic garden chair was deployed. Within minutes the inevitable happened. Trying to overreach and the chair toppled over. Not great when the chainsaw is in full swing. I would like to say that I performed a beautiful gymnastic roll, landing perfectly on my feet. In practice a large expletive was followed by a muppet landing on his bottom with the ballet poise of an out of control lemming. All this while desperately trying to remember how to switch the menacing blade off. That switch off was not completed until I was finally sat on the ground. No damage done. Well apart from the two new impact hollows in the lawn and the even bigger bruises on my posterior. Following on from the earlier collapsed cycle bruise, I certainly won’t be sitting on any unpadded surfaces for a few days. Oh for some well cushioned pants…

Accidents happen

I bet if I leaned on that hay bale it would end up rolling down the hill and smashing into my car like a guided missile.

During my life one of the truths I have leant repeatedly is – accidents happen. I am accident prone. Always have been. Always will be. Big ones. Small ones. Ones that hurt. Ones that make you laugh. Ones that get you into trouble. Ones that make you embarrassed. Ones that make you cry. Just too many to mention. Some notable ones include

  • Breaking my arm balancing on a stool. Then breaking my other arm within 3 hours of having the pot removed. Same Doctor had to put the new pot on who had taken just taken the old one off.
  • Dropping a toilet roll just bought from the shop and watching it unravel as it rolls down the High Street. The High Street was on a hill and I dropped it at its highest point.
  • Falling out of a window while trying to paint it.
  • The door on a temporary toilet jammed at a festival and it took an hour for me to be released.
  • Trying to hammer a hanging basket onto next doors fence and accidentally pushing most of the fence over.
  • Breaking my finger trying to put up a deck chair.
  • Using a staple gun and stapling my thumb to a piece of wood
  • Breaking my little toe when I accidentally kicked the toilet.
  • As a kid playing cricket on the back field and managing to hit the best stroke (shot) of my life straight through our toilet window. A wonder shot of 100 yards. Unfortunately Dad was on the toilet at the time. Thankfully my ‘a big boy did it and ran away’ excuse worked.
  • Managed to get a pea stuck up my nose. Staggeringly our son did the same thing many years later.
  • Split my leggings a third of the way up a 4 hour cliff climb. The climbers below are still in counselling after all those years.
  • I saved up for a new watch. Within 5 minutes of buying it I had tripped over and smashed the face.
  • I was trying to pull my trousers up after using the cramped toilet on a speeding French TGV. Unfortunately I lost balance and exploded out through the toilet door and into the crowded carriage. Busting my head open as my hands were still desperately trying to pull the trousers up past my knees. The international shame.

So accidents happen. All you can do is try to smile and learn from them. Mostly no ones fault. They just happen.

Our Son asked if he could borrow my Tablet to play the chess app. After a few minutes the mad dog jumped on him and started licking him. In the confusion our Son forgot about the Tablet and must have rolled on it. A few minutes later we had a very bent piece of tech. Quite a bit of the touch screen is knackered and beyond repair. The poor kid was mortified. I’m so pleased I didn’t shout or be in any way angry. I know accidents happen. Thankfully he cheered up eventually. Re-telling the French Train Toilet incident helped. It shows that I didn’t intend to bare my buttocks but all I had done was not anticipate a particularly bumpy track section and a crap door. It’s life and things are sent to test us.

So I will make the best of a broken tablet until I can save up for a new one (or a refurbished one). Sorry in advance if you get some strange spellings on my posts of from my comments – the on screen keyboard is now possessed and rather random. Very apt that it’s Halloween. When the new one comes I will make sure that before either of us use it that it’s enclosed in a protective case. Because accidents can and will happen.